A Thin Veil
by Chrmdpoet
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing in life is learning to let go, but sometimes it is far more difficult to hold on. That's what I did. I held on. I held on to her even after she died, and I refused to let her go. She became my obsession as I dedicated my life to bringing her back. I risked everything-my job, my family, my friends, and even my life. I did this, all of this, to save her.
1. Chapter 1: Together In Silence

**A/N: Hello everyone. This story has been rolling around inside my head for a while, so I finally decided to test it out a bit, but I am still on the fence about it, so please, let me know if you think I should continue or not, because as I said, I'm conflicted. So, your thoughts and opinions will really help me out. (Rated M for language)**

**I wrote this to the soundtrack of "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter One: Together In Silence

We walked together in silence, just Henry and I, weaving through the neat rows of marble and stone. His hand clenched tightly around my own, and though I didn't have any words for him in the moment, I could offer him this physical form of comfort, so I squeezed his hand in return, hoping it would be enough in the moment. I had nothing else to give. My words had already failed me. My voice only cracked every time I tried to say something comforting or encouraging, and my body quaked violently, my palms dripping with sweat, every time I tried to talk to him about what had happened, what was still happening. There was nothing I could say. I knew it, and he knew it, because there was no way in hell I was going to lie to him.

Others had already done that. People had offered him condolences and told him that it would get better, that he would feel better, or that death was just a natural part of life, but I couldn't reiterate their words. Because I knew…I knew it wouldn't get better, at least not for a very long time. You don't tell a kid who just lost his mother that death is a natural part of life or that they would feel better soon. You just don't say those things, because those things are complete and utter crap. Losing a parent…that doesn't fade. The sting of it doesn't lessen, whether you lose them to death or to abandonment or in any other form. That hurt—it never goes away.

Our feet sank into and sprang up from the freshly planted grass and sod as we neared the mausoleum. It loomed in the visible distance, a foreboding presence like that of a haunted house. It made my skin crawl even though I'd been here every day now for a week, every day since...since _that _day—the day everything changed; the day my life and my son's life rocketed over the edge and plummeted into the darkest, most painful abyss either of us had ever experienced.

It pained me because I had lost…a friend? Yes, I think I can say that she and I had certainly developed some form of friendship, albeit a strange friendship and sometimes verbally abusive and weirdly sexually charged, but that was just the way we were, and it was a friendship nonetheless. And Henry? He lost a mother. He lost the person he'd known the longest, and the person who had known him better than anyone else ever had or ever could; the person who had taken care of him his entire life, and it didn't matter that they had gone through rough times or that there were days when he had downright refused to see her or even went as far as to claim to hate her, because in the end, she was still his mother, and no matter what anyone said or did, Henry loved her. He loved her more than he had ever cared to admit before and more than he would ever be able to tell her now. And that? Well, that pained me more than my own loss.

I glanced down at my son as he squeezed my hand even harder. My eyes absorbed every inch of him from his combed, chocolate hair to his blurry eyes, from his tear-stained cheeks to his downward turned and trembling lips, and from his heaving shoulders to his quivering stomach and shaking legs all clad in his best and recently pressed black suit. He insisted that we dress formally every time we came, and he insisted that we come every single day. My heart clenched forcefully and nearly knocked the wind out of me as I took in the sight of him. He was a strong kid, stronger than you'd expect of a kid raised the way he was—considerable means, son of the Mayor, receiving pretty much anything and everything he'd wanted growing up. I mean, I was a strong kid, too, but I also grew up in the system. You have to be strong to grow up that way, but hell…who knows? Maybe it's just in his blood.

We'd been here every day for a week, and every single time, I felt a breath away from completely falling apart. I can't really explain it. It's like the world is spinning too fast and I'm just trying to hang the hell on, but every second I feel like I'm going to go flying off. I feel like I'm going to splinter into pieces or explode, and I can't even figure out if it's because of my own grief—a grief that I haven't even really had the chance to process or analyze yet—or if it's because of Henry's grief. But truthfully? I think…I think it's mostly fear. How the hell am I supposed to do this on my own? Regina—she was the strong one, you know? She was the _mother_. I was always more like Henry's cool aunt than his actual mother—just a fun friend who happened to share his DNA. I don't know how to be a full-time mom, and I guess that's where it hits me the hardest—her absence. It rips right through me when I think of Henry and how I'm all he has left now, because all it makes me realize is that I'm terrified of doing this without her. Every single day of the past week, every day of her absence, has done nothing but slam home the most revelatory realization of my life (except the time Henry showed up on my doorstep, dropping bombs like, "Hey lady, I'm your kid," and drinking all my juice, and oh yeah, when I found out that my parents were friggin' Snow White and Prince Charming, my best friend was Little Red Riding Hood, and my kid's adoptive mother was the damn Evil Queen, but hey…what are you gonna do, right?), and that realization was that I needed her. I needed Regina. I still do.

"Maybe I could just go in alone for a second, Emma?" I heard Henry's meek voice ask me as he shyly stared down at the ground. He hadn't called me "Mom" or "Ma" since the accident, and it hurt a little, but I understood. I could imagine that it must feel like some form of betrayal now. It felt wrong to me, too, in a sense. Regina was his "Mom", and god, was she good at it. Compared to her, I spent most days feeling like nothing more than an egg donor, but I'd learn. I had to…and I wanted to. I know that Regina would want Henry with me, would want me taking care of him. As much as we bickered and as much as she tried to push me away when we'd first met, we had managed to form a bond, and that bond was always primarily founded on the fact that both of us would do anything and everything to protect our son, and now that Regina can no longer do that, it's all on me. And I refuse to fail at that. I refuse to fail Henry, and I refuse to fail her.

I nodded my consent, and watched him slip into the mausoleum where an ornate urn filled with the ashes of the woman we had both loved in our own ways waited. I can admit that now that she's gone. I don't know why I never could before. I definitely loved her. I still do—I mean, I don't think I ever even realized how much. She had kind of grown into my closest friend, and even when we fought, I still felt at home with her. We had a good thing, Regina and I. Good because it was ours and only ours—we teased each other and berated each other, but we came together when we needed to, and we respected each other. I should have told her when she was alive. I should have told her that that bond we had, whatever the hell it was, because it was definitely more than just Henry, was special to me. I should have told her that I cherished it. I cherished her. I should have said a lot of things. Sometimes hindsight is painful beyond words.

When Henry returned, I didn't say anything. I just held my hand out and he slipped his into mine. We walked back through the headstones silently, but as we reached the road where the cruiser was waiting, he stopped, tugging on my hand to turn me toward him. He looked up at me with wide, tearful eyes and whispered, "I want to go home, Emma."

"Okay kid," I said, my voice cracking against my will, "that's fine. I think your grandma is cooking anyway, and we could both use some food."

"No," he said, shaking his head as a few tears slipped down his porcelain cheeks, "I meant that I want to go home, home."

"Oh…" That was all I could manage.

"I want to live in my own house. I want to be there, Emma, with all my things and all her things. I think that's what she would have wanted. Can we move in there?"

"Oh, Henry, I don't…" I didn't even know what I was trying to say or what I should say. We hadn't been to the mansion since the day of the accident, and as hard as I knew it was going to be for Henry, I couldn't help but think of myself, too. It was going to be hell. But all I could see was his wide, hopeful eyes pleading, begging me to let him go home, to let him live surrounded by the memories of the mother he'd only just lost, and how the hell could I say no to that?

"Please?" he asked in a fragile whisper, and my resolve splintered and blew away on the crisp breeze. I bowed my head as I let out a heavy sigh before nodding that yes, I could allow that. We could do that, and I could only hope that my parents understood. This was for my kid. This was what he needed, and honestly…I think some part of me needed it, too.

Henry shifted uncomfortably on his feet for a moment before swiping at his tears and launching into my midsection, wrapping his little arms around me and squeezing as tightly as he could. I just held him there, stroking his hair and hoping we could get through this together.

After a while of just standing there on the edge of the cemetery, wrapped around each other and crying silently, we finally turned to leave. We climbed into the cruiser, buckled up, and headed out—making the short drive to a place that now seemed so daunting to me, because it wouldn't be the same. It would be empty. No shared dinners of Regina's perfect lasagna. No playful bickering over glasses of Regina's hard cider in the study. No Regina. It was with that realization that I felt my heart crack just a bit more. How the hell was I going to get us through this?

* * *

When we pulled into the driveway of the mansion, my heart was pounding forcefully in my chest, screaming out its frantic rhythm against my ribcage and threatening to escape. I glanced over at Henry, but he seemed okay. He wasted no time in jumping from the cruiser and taking off for the front door. I watched as he pulled a key from his pocket and slipped it into the lock before dashing through the door and into his home. It took me a long time just to get out of the damn car, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was so hesitant, why I was so terrified of going in there. If a kid could do it, why couldn't I? So, after several deep, calming breaths, I shut the car off and made my way toward the towering white walls of 108 Mifflin Street.

When I stepped through the door, Henry was nowhere to be found, but I had an inkling of where I would find him. As I breathed in the air of the house, I realized that even the foyer reminded me of Regina, and surprisingly enough, it smelled like her. And as soon as that scent drifted into me and melted into my skin, everything hit me like Thor's fucking hammer, and I nearly lost it right there. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my gut clenched uncomfortably, my stomach threatening to spill its contents everywhere, and then shockingly enough, I found myself laughing, because the thought that immediately shot into my head was—_Don't puke. Regina will be pissed if you spill it on her pristine marble floor. _But as soon as the laughter hit me, it dissolved again into gasping tears. This wasn't right. None of this was right. Everything was just so…fucking…wrong.

I took a heavy breath before trudging my way up the grand staircase and toward the room where I knew I'd find my son, and sure enough, as I pushed open the door to Regina's bedroom, I found him curled into a ball beneath the sheets, crying into her pillow and breathing in the lingering scent of his late mother, and my heart just shattered all over again. I was completely lost. I didn't know what to do, what to say, or how to comfort him. So, I just did the only thing I could think of; I went over to the bed, bent and slid my arms under his small body and lifted him up into my arms. He instantly turned in my arms and curled into me, wrapping his arms around my neck and crying into my chest. I carried him from Regina's room and down to his own as silent tears tracked my own cheeks and I shushed and patted him all the way.

When I laid him down in his own bed, he crawled under the covers and turned on his side with his back to me. I sat down behind him and rubbed small circles on his back as he hiccupped and gasped through his tears, and finally after about ten minutes, his breathing evened out and grew deep, and I knew he had fallen asleep. I sighed and tucked him in tightly, dropping a kiss to his temple and whispering that I loved him before slipping out of his room and closing the door quietly behind me.

I hesitated in the hallway, because I didn't know what I should do or even what I wanted to do. It wasn't my home. It was Regina's, but part of me just really wanted to be there, be everywhere all at once. Finally, I made a decision. I turned and headed back down the hallway and into Regina's room. I closed the door softly behind me before hesitating again. I glanced around the room, taking it all in. Regina was everywhere in that room. Her clothes, her style, her furniture, her things—just her…everywhere. It made my entire body tremble as I fought to keep myself from breaking down again, and after several moments of just awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot just inside the room, I finally moved.

I walked over to the bed, running my hands along the comforter before slipping off my shoes and sliding beneath the covers. I turned my face into the pillow, still damp from Henry's tears, and Regina's scent washed over me like a summer rain that I couldn't decide if I wanted to sprint through and escape or just spread my arms and let it soak through my clothes and into my skin and remind me why I loved the season. Before I even realized what was happening, I felt wetness drip across my nose and I was crying, sobbing helplessly into Regina's pillow and clutching her sheets like my life depended on it.

"Emma?"

I nearly screamed out loud as my body jolted at the sound and sent me flying off the side of the bed in a tangle of sheets and blankets, because that voice…oh god, that voice. My head snapped up, glancing wildly around the room, because surely I was hallucinating; only hearing what I wanted to hear, but no. My bleary gaze seared into the vision before me—familiar curves, toned arms and legs, deep chocolate locks and eyes, and full, supple lips. That's…not…possible.

"R-Regina?"


	2. Chapter 2: Someone Like Me

**A/N: Well, after receiving an overwhelming number of reviews and responses in favor of this story, I've decided to go ahead and continue with it. Thank you all so much for your wonderful feedback, beautiful and kind comments, and unwavering support. I truly appreciate it more than I can say. Oh, and I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of Laura Jansen's cover version of "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Two: Someone Like Me

I could feel my lips, my limbs, my heart…every part of me trembling as I shakily rose to my feet, my eyes wide and glued to the vision before me. Tears tripped over the edge of my eyelids as I stared into her eyes, the deepest chocolate I had ever seen. It had always been her eyes that captured me, you know? They were always so full…full of everything. When she was hard on the outside, and when she was vicious, and when she was cold…her eyes were always so different. They were real and deep and full of secrets. I could see a lot in her eyes—fear, worry, loneliness, affection…Those eyes were seared into my memory, and I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed them until I was staring into them again. It's funny the things that become so clear in the wake of tragedy. It's always the things you wish you would have noticed, the things you wish you would have said...the things you wish you would have just appreciated a little better.

My heart exploded in my chest as those eyes captured me again, and I knew…I knew that this wasn't possible. Regina was gone. She was gone, and people don't come back from the dead. Not even with magic; they just don't come back, so what kind of cruel joke was my brain playing on me? I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to crawl in a hole and just hide away from the world, because I knew as soon as I woke up from whatever sick dream this was, Regina would be gone and I'd have to face this loss all over again. But instead of running, instead of screaming, instead of reminding myself that I shouldn't let myself feel this, shouldn't let myself get attached to this, I just swallowed my fear and opened my heart.

I took a timid, shaky step forward, and as tears carved flowing rivers down my cheeks, I locked onto her gaze and whispered, "Please tell me you're really here."

"I don't know," she whispered in return and I could see tears building in her eyes as well, turning them glossy and reflective. "I don't think so, Emma."

"Did Henry…did he…?" I tried to string my words together into a proper sentence, but staring into the eyes of someone you believed to be dead was a staggering experience, especially when Regina…god, she looked exactly the same. Beautiful, strong, poised—but like always, her eyes told a different story. She was afraid and there was a sadness in those dark, chocolate pools that filtered into the air and burrowed beneath my flesh, spilling straight into my soul.

"No," she answered me, a single tear slipping down her cheek. "I tried, but he couldn't see me. He couldn't hear me. So, no, I don't think I'm really here."

A long silence stretched between us and I could almost hear my own heartbeat as it pounded furiously in my chest. Regina just stood there, her hands wringing together as she stared into me; and finally, just as the silence had become unbearable, her voice whispered through the dense air of the room and broke my fucking heart. "I've been in this room for days. I can't leave."

She paused just a beat, tears spilling down her cheeks, and I realized in that moment that I had never seen her cry so easily, so openly in front of anyone before, and some strange part of me wished that she had. A part of me wished I could have seen her open up this way when she was alive, just let herself break down, and even though looking back I know I wouldn't have, a part of me also wished that if she had, that I would have been there to tell her that even when she was broken, she was still so fucking beautiful.

How had I never realized all of this? How had I never realized the depth of my affection for her and how much that rigid woman actually meant to me? God, where the hell had my heart been hiding?

"Am I…Emma, did I die?"

That was all it took. Those few words, that small question, and I was gone. I broke. An aching, heart-wrenching sob ripped up from my throat and shot through my lips as tears spilled heavily from my eyes. My hands instantly shot up to cover my mouth as my stomach clenched forcefully and had me doubling over, sobbing into my hands, my tears spilling through my fingertips and running down my wrists and forearms. I felt like my heart was going to splinter and shatter into a trillion tiny shards, like my lungs were going to burst or burn to ash as I desperately tried to breathe through my breakdown. It was the first time that I had really, really let myself cry, and I instantly wished that I could take it back, that I wasn't falling apart in front of the very last person who needed to see me this way, but I just couldn't help it. She was gone. Oh god, she was really gone.

When I was finally able to calm myself down, I wiped fiercely at my eyes and cheeks before standing to face the ghost, or whatever she was, of my son's mother again. Regina's cheeks were dripping and her eyebrows were furrowed, her face contorted into a clear expression of confusion. "Yes," I whispered to her, my voice breaking on that one tiny word before I told her, "This is where we found you."

Her expression never changed. She just stood there, brows furrowed, bottom lip tucked between her teeth, cheeks drenched in tears, and eyes piercing into me. "Say something," I rasped when I couldn't stand it any longer, my voice barely audible and broken like my fucking heart.

She lifted a hand and slowly wiped at her cheeks before she whispered, "You're crying," as if it was the most astounding, most bewildering thing she'd ever witnessed. I could only stare at her, lips trembling and heart stammering in my chest, waiting for her to continue, waiting for her to explain. "You're grieving…for, for someone like me…" she said quietly, and my stomach plummeted. My throat tightened to the point of pain and a strangled cry just barely escaped me as I took another step toward her.

I was so overwhelmed in that moment, my senses assaulted, my emotions on overdrive, feeling so fucking much all at once that I could hardly stand it. And the feeling that surprised me the most, the one that suddenly soared up from inside and arrested my heart, was anger. I was furious at hearing those words, spoken with such genuine sincerity, such genuine surprise, slip from her lips. I was furious with everyone for always making her feel like she didn't deserve to be loved, like she didn't deserve to be treated like a human being, but mostly, I was furious with myself for never telling her that she did. She did deserve to be loved. She did deserve to be mourned. She deserved so much more than her life had ever given her.

"No, not for someone _like _you, Regina," I snapped, tears stinging angrily in my eyes, as I spilled my rage into the room. "For _you_, Regina. For YOU, goddammit, for you! I'm grieving for you!"

She took a step back, a step away from me, and I instantly regretted letting my emotions get the better of me. I didn't want to push her away. If anything, I wanted her closer. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I was terrified that if I tried, I'd only realize that she was untouchable and that this, all of this, was just a dream. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hanging my head and watching as my own tears fell freely from my eyes and splashed onto the floor.

"Why?" I heard her ask.

"I shouldn't have lost it like that," I told her. "I'm sorry."

"No," she said, and I snapped my head up to look at her, searching her eyes for an explanation. "Why are you grieving for me?" she asked, and I had to force myself not to fall apart with that question.

I took a heavy breath and told myself to just be honest, so I said, "Because I care about you, Regina. I _cared _about you."

And there was that silence again….stretching…growing…tangling around us and threatening to suck the oxygen from the room. I watched as she took a step toward me and then another and another until she was standing just a breath away from me, and I swear I could smell her. I swear I could feel her warmth, and my hand twitched at my side, my fingers itching to just reach forward and touch her.

"You never said anything," she said, and the words washed over me like a rain of regret and I could feel the tears building in my eyes again.

"I never said a lot of things," I whispered as those tears broke free and tainted my cheeks once more.

I sucked in a heavy breath as I watched her move then, a hand lifting and reaching through the small minute space separating us, and of its own accord, my hand mimicked hers. I nearly crumbled where I stood, though, as I watched my hand slip right through hers as if it wasn't even there, meeting only air. I didn't understand how that could be possible when she was standing right in front of me, and she seemed so solid, so…alive.

We stood there like that for a long time, just running our hands through each other's, never able to touch, but never stopping our attempts to do so, and finally I whispered the question that had been lingering on my tongue since she'd first appeared and spoken my name. "How is this possible, Regina? How…Why are you here?"

"I don't know," she told me, before she surprised me by asking a question of her own. "Why are you?"

I let that question sink into me, roll around inside my head and inside my heart for what felt like an eternity, before the truth just came to me, and my voice cracked as I told her, "I guess I just wasn't ready to let go."

She nodded slowly as a tear slipped down her cheek, and she whispered, "I guess I wasn't either."


	3. Chapter 3: A Dream, A Reality

**A/N: Hello everyone. I'm happy to see you are all enjoying the story thus far. I hate to break it to you, but for those of you wanting to know, you won't actually find out exactly how Regina died for quite a while. There will be hints here and there, though, and hopefully, it will be a nice reveal when it does happen. **

**For a soundtrack, try this chapter out with the instrumental version of "The Scientist" by Coldplay. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Three: A Dream, A Reality

"Emma?"

Why did people always have to shake the hell out of you when they wanted you to wake up? Repeatedly shouting a person's name should be enough. If I didn't wake up after that, it's obviously because I didn't want to be awake. I always thought if I just pretended not to be affected by any of it and continued to feign sleeping, that eventually the person would go away and let me be.

….but then the shaking continues. Christ.

"What?" I mumbled, refusing to open my eyes and using my own hands to swat at the ones shaking my sides.

"Emma, wake up," the voice said again. Aw hell, it's Henry. Guess I'm getting up. I didn't even remember falling asleep in the first place.

"Okay, alright, kid," I grumbled as I rubbed furiously at my eyes. "I'm up. I'm up. Quit shaking me already." I heard a small, quiet giggle escape him and my heart instantly swelled in my chest. Oh god, it felt like I hadn't heard that sound in years. I finally opened my eyes, a small smile quirking my lips as the blurry sight of my son hovered just in front of my face and slowly came into focus.

"Hey," I whispered to him affectionately, reaching out a hand to ruffle his hair before the rest of the room came into focus and suddenly my heart plummeted down into my stomach and everything rocked and rolled around me. I was in Regina's room. Regina!

I shot up from the bed and swayed on my feet for a moment as my brain and body tried to catch up with each other. I rubbed at my eyes again before glancing wildly around, but I saw only an empty room except for the confused brown-haired boy in front of me. My eyes stung painfully as I forced back the tears suddenly welling. It had been a dream. Oh god, it was just a dream.

"Emma, are you okay?" Henry asked, genuine concern lacing his small voice.

I clutched a hand to my chest and swallowed the jagged lump quivering in my throat, before I looked down at him. "Y-yeah," I whispered shakily. "Yeah, Henry. I'm fine. I just…I forgot where we were." I couldn't tell him the real reason for my panic, the real reason for my…heartache. So, I kept it in. I kept it quiet, and I just let myself splinter silently on the inside, hoping my pain wasn't obvious.

"Oh…" he said, nodding as he glanced sadly around the room. We stood there together silently for a few minutes, just breathing in the loneliness that settled thickly in the atmosphere, the sorrowful ache of Regina's absence that filtered through the air, before I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and steered him toward the door.

I glanced at my watch and realized it was late afternoon. We'd both slept for a few hours, and I knew Henry had to be practically starving by now, though he hadn't eaten much at all in the past few days, and I was really starting to worry about him even though I understood. Things like food and sleep seemed so trivial and unimportant when you're grieving, when you're life feels like it's literally just fallen apart. I just hoped that his pain would lessen soon.

"Come on, kid," I said quietly as I pulled the door closed behind me and tried desperately to push away the images of Regina still dancing in my head. "Let's run over to your grandma's and get some food." I sighed heavily before adding, "I guess I'll need to pack up my things while we're there, too."

He nodded and said nothing, just wrapping a small arm around my waist and letting me lead him through the mansion and outside to the cruiser. I spared one last look at the house behind us, glancing up to the window of Regina's bedroom as my heart cracked in my chest and stole my breath. A single tear slipped down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly before my kid could see and climbed into the car, saying goodbye to a dream that had just felt so fucking real.

* * *

After enduring a painfully silent meal at Snow and David's, I asked David to take Henry out to the stables and keep him occupied for a while so that I could pack up our stuff and take it over to Regina's. I didn't say it, but I also needed some time to myself, time to get my head around everything and just process on my own. He'd thankfully agreed, and left me to it.

I was surprised at how easily my parents had taken the news of the move, neither of them arguing with the decision at all. A few tears had slipped down Snow's cheeks when I told her, but she said nothing, and though I didn't ask and she didn't offer anything up, I just had a feeling that part of her, too, had died with Regina. So much of my mother's history was wrapped up in Regina that I could only imagine what it must be like for there to suddenly be nothing more than an empty void in her life where Regina had always been. I think…I think a part of Snow had always loved Regina, and honestly, I think a part of Regina had always loved my mother, too, and it just felt wrong to me now that neither of them had ever been able to put aside their decades-old feud and just admit it and now they never could.

I expected her to follow me around the loft as I packed all my things and Henry's, but she didn't. She went to her own room instead and said nothing. I didn't say anything either, just silently moving about and gathering everything up before I carried it all out, loaded it up, and headed back over to Regina's on my own. God...that silence. It was starting to take over the world.

* * *

When I entered the mansion again, the air felt stagnant and somber and I couldn't help but choke on it. Henry had never kept much at the loft, so it only took one trip to get his stuff up to his room, and then I went back down for my own things. I contemplated unloading my stuff in one of the two guestrooms, because I guess it just seemed wrong to take over Regina's bedroom, but at the same time, I couldn't stop myself from continuing down the hallway with my boxes tucked under my arms. I tried to tell myself I didn't want to be in there, that I couldn't sleep there every night and wake up there every morning, but at the same time, my heart screamed that I couldn't be anywhere else. So, I sucked in a heavy breath before pushing open the door and carrying my things inside.

I sat my boxes down in a corner of the room near Regina's dresser, before just glancing around the room and wondering what the hell I was supposed to do then. Should I go through Regina's things? Get rid of them? My heart ached in my chest at that thought. There was no way in hell I could get rid of her things. I wanted them there. I wanted her clothes there and her makeup and her perfumes and her damn shampoos and just everything…it was like she was alive in pieces, in all those little things and I just couldn't bring myself to let them go.

"You came back."

I spun on the spot, my heart jumping into my throat and my eyes bulging as the vision of Regina swam before me. Solid…beautiful…stunning. And her eyes...so sad, so hopeful. They were devastating, and suddenly I couldn't breathe.

It was real. Oh god, it was all real. And before I could even open my mouth in answer, everything blurred and pulsed around me. My eyes rolled back in my head and suddenly everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4: What We Left Unspoken

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Into Dust" by Mazzy Star. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Four: What We Left Unspoken

I came to, to the sound of my phone ringing. It took me a few seconds to fight through the haze still clouding my mind as my hand groped around on my jeans before I felt my phone in my front left pocket and pulled it out. With my eyes still pinched closed, I flipped the phone open and slid it up to my ear.

"Yeah," I mumbled into the speaker, unable to really form a full sentence given that my mouth felt cottony and dry and my head was pounding fiercely against my skull.

_"Emma? It's David," _I heard my dad's voice filter through the line and instantly recognized the slight distress in his voice. My eyes shot open and I forced myself to sit up from the crumpled heap I had been in on the floor, only vaguely recalling in that moment how I had ended up down there to begin with.

"What's wrong?" I asked, panic already building in my gut. "Is it Henry? Is he okay?"

_"Calm down, Emma," _David said softly. _"Henry's fine. We're still out at the stables. I think he wants to stay for a while longer and then I might take him to Granny's for some cocoa."_

I let out a heavy sigh, forcing my heart-rate to slow and relax. I never used to panic that way, not that easily anyway. But ever since Regina…

"Oh okay, yeah that's fine," I told him. I waited for him to say something else, but he didn't. The line grew silent and awkward and I could practically hear him thinking, hear his anxiety rippling through the quiet. "What is it?" I finally asked him since he obviously wasn't going to offer up whatever it was that was weighing on him. I swear, sometimes I felt like Snow and David's parents rather than the other way around.

_"It's just…it's your mother," _he whispered into the phone, and I guessed that Henry was probably hovering somewhere nearby and David didn't want to worry or upset him, and suddenly I was nervous again. God, I just wanted this fucking anxiety to go away. I didn't want to panic every damn time someone sounded distressed or worried. I just wanted that urge to go away, that urge that my brain suddenly had to automatically assume the worst, to automatically jump to images of disaster and…death.

"Is she okay?" I asked him, still having to coax the man for information. I tried to fight off the tremble in my voice, but it was stubborn like the rest of me, and I hated how weak I sounded, how afraid.

_"Yes…well, I don't know, actually," _he answered. _"I called her to let her know that I would be at the stables a while longer and she just seemed really…She's been distant, you know, since Regina, and I just don't know what to do anymore. Not even I ever really understood their relationship. I don't know how to help her."_

I sighed again, sympathizing with my father. I had noticed the change in Snow as well, but I'd hoped she would open up to David at least about whatever she was feeling. It seemed that I took after my mother a little more than I even realized, because she, too, liked to keep the hard things to herself, somewhere far inside. With that realization, I figured that she would just want some time to herself, but I knew David wouldn't drop it until I at least attempted to talk to the woman, so I sighed again and told him, "Alright. I'll talk to her."

_"Thank you, Emma," _David whispered sadly. _"She said she was going out for a while, but I'm not sure where she went. Maybe you could call her." _

I'm not sure how, but for some reason I just knew where my mother had gone. I nodded before I realized that David couldn't actually see me, and said, "Alright. Thanks for calling. Tell Henry I'll see him later." We said a quick goodbye before hanging up, and as we did, I let my head fall into my chest, breathing deeply as I took in the scent of the room around me and let it ache in my lungs. _Regina._

I can't believe I fucking passed out. I lifted my head again to glance around the room but it was empty like before…just me and all of Regina's things, but no Regina.

What the hell was happening to me?

* * *

When stepped from between the trees and into the clearing, I was greeted by the familiar form of my mother. She was exactly where I expected her to be, though how I'd known was still beyond me. She sat with her back pressed up again the stone side of the well we'd climbed out of after our horrid adventure in the Enchanted Forest, her knees pulled up to her chest with her head resting atop them. She looked so small in that moment that the sight made my heart stutter and clench violently in my chest. She looked as small in that moment as I felt on the inside. Tiny…insignificant…broken.

I walked over quietly and slid down beside her, my shoulder pressed against hers. Neither of us said a word as she slid a fair hand into mine and laced our fingers together, and we stayed like that for what felt like hours, just silently together and resting in the quiet echoes of our individual and shared heartache. It felt oppressive, the silence, but strangely, at the same time, it felt liberating and comforting; just my mother and me…a million things unspoken but not a single one unfelt.

It was a long time before she said anything but when she finally did, her voice sounded torn. It trembled as she spoke, and all I could think to do was squeeze her hand and wait for her to just get it all out. "You never realize all the things you're doing wrong until it's too late to take them back," she whispered.

I swallowed thickly because I'd been thinking the same exact thing for days now, and to hear the thought put to voice, my mother's broken voice, just felt like another stab to my heart. I squeezed her hand again and she squeezed back, tears slipping down her cheeks, just visible in my peripherals.

"I just keep thinking of all the times I should have let it go, all the times that we both should have let go of our anger and our petty…" She sighed heavily, unable to finish the thought as a small sob escaped her, ripping through my flesh and forcing my own tears to the surface. "I keep thinking that it could have been different," she said after another long moment. "It _should _have been different."

I still couldn't bring myself to say anything, couldn't put voice to the words that stuck on my tongue and in my throat and in my heart. I wanted to tell her that I understood exactly what she meant, that I felt the same way, that I just wanted to take it back…every fucking fight, every accusation…just go back and do it all over again, but get it right this time. I wanted to say all of those things, but I couldn't. My voice felt frozen, and my words? Well…they just felt like a lie, like they would never be good enough so why even bother letting them loose? So, again, I just squeezed my mother's hand and hoped it would be enough to say all those things I couldn't say.

When my mother spoke again, the words that drifted from her lips genuinely surprised me. "I wish you could have known her before," she whispered, her voice trembling and cracking as she only cried harder. "I wish they all could have…everyone."

I felt that lump rise in my throat again as I thought on those words. It was a strange realization, sometimes just slipping into a moment and then fading away again before it could ever truly sink in; the realization that Snow was the only one of any of us that had really known Regina back before everything had gone to hell. Before she was the Evil Queen. Before she was a queen at all. When she was just…just Regina.

Snow was silent only a moment longer before she continued. "She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and her smile…it was bright. She was bright. She was…" She choked on her own words, another aching sob slipping up from within and spilling into the crisp air.

"She was so lovely," she finally managed to say, the words so quiet that I had to lean in just a bit to catch them, and as they drifted into my ears, a sob of my own broke through and my mother's emerald eyes turned then to lock with mine. And finally, _finally, _I found my voice.

"You loved her," I said, the words slipping into the small space separating us as I looked into Snow's glistening eyes, and I watched as those words settled over her like a new layer of grief. Fresh tears fell down her cheeks but she never closed her eyes and she never looked away. Her gaze stayed locked with mine as her head slowly bobbed, nodding in answer.

"I loved her," she whispered.

_So did I, _I thought, and though I wanted to say it aloud, I didn't. I kept it in. I kept it quiet, just like every other raging emotion tearing me to shreds from the inside out. I just cried quietly and nodded my head before breaking our eye contact to lean my head back and rest it against the cold stone of the well. Snow mimicked my actions and the silence settled over us once more, constantly returning and always filled with the absence of the woman that haunted us both in that moment.

"She saved us that day," Snow said after a while and I turned to watch as she slid her free hand along the stone wall of the well behind us, and it was as if I could feel the memory on her fingertips. Images of Regina swam in my mind.

_She saved you_. Henry had sounded so hopeful, so proud when he'd spoken those words, and Regina…she just looked exhausted, surprised even by her own actions.

_Thank you_. It was all I could say that day in the wake of that realization.

_You're welcome. _Regina's smile, though it had seemed a bit forced, felt genuine even in my memory, and it settled over me now like a blanket, comforting for only a second before it began to suffocate me with its heat.

"Yeah," I managed to whisper, my voice a shattered mess.

"I never even thanked her," Snow said then, and I could hear the pang of regret in her words and I knew that that regret extended far beyond that single moment when she'd failed to express her buried gratitude. I think that her regret extended so far into the past that not even she could measure it.

_I did, _I thought, but I didn't say it out loud. I think Snow was hurting enough, and I wasn't about to rub salt in the wound, not when we both were finally finding some form of comfort in each other.

"I should have," she continued. "I should have said so many things." She turned to me then, locking eyes with me once more before telling me something that would settle in my heart like an explosive revelation.

"Emma…I have so many regrets now," she whispered, crying endlessly as she squeezed my hand and poured her heart out. "I know you're an adult and you might feel like you don't need to hear belated life lessons from me, but I love you, Emma; so, I'm going to tell you this anyway, because I don't ever want you to have to regret the things you never did that you should've done. I don't want you to ever have to regret the things you left unspoken."

She paused a moment, just squeezing my hand and looking into my tear-soaked eyes, before lifting her free hand to cup my cheek and whispering, "Don't keep things inside, Emma. I know you don't like to open up to people, but you have to try, because life doesn't always give you second chances; or in my case, it may give you a thousand chances, but not a thousand and one. There won't always be a later time to say the things you keep locked away. So say them. When someone hurts you, forgive them. When someone helps you, thank them, and when you love someone…you tell them. You say it, and you say it proudly, because in the end, it's the things we didn't say that haunt us the most."

She swiped her thumb across my cheek and through the track of my tears as she smiled sadly at me. "Don't be afraid to live, Emma. Don't hide your heart."

Her words shredded through every fucking inch of me, and I felt like more of a fool than I had ever felt in my entire life…it was one of the worst feelings I'd ever felt, and before I knew what I was doing, I was on my feet. My heart was thudding wildly in my chest, and all I could think was that I had to go. I had to get the hell out of there.

"Emma?" Snow said my name cautiously as she rose to stand next to me, reaching out and laying a gentle hand on my arm. "Are you okay?"

"No," I instantly replied, desperately trying to force that lump in my throat to go down. "I mean, yeah…I just, I have to go," I told her, shaking my head to try and clear away the frantic rush of thoughts echoing through my mind in that moment.

"What?" she asked softly, confused. "Where?"

"Uh…I just…I'm taking your advice, and that means I have to go right now," I told her and watched as her brows only furrowed further. I sighed, unwilling to explain myself fully in that moment, so I just said, "I have some things I need to say to someone."

She looked like she wanted to ask, like she wanted to push me for more information, but instead she just smiled softly and nodded, wiping away her own tears as I turned and headed back toward the trees and toward the town. I only got a few steps before I shook my head and turned back, crossing the distance back to where Snow still stood watching me go. I walked up to her and pulled her into a crushing embrace. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and let the scent of her wash over me and comfort every broken part of me before I whispered, "I love you, Mom."

I felt her arms tighten further around me and heard another sob escape her before she returned the sentiment. "I love you, too, Emma," she said into my hair as she held me. "I love you so much."

I let myself be held just a moment longer before finally pulling away and turning back toward the town. I wasn't going to waste the only chance I might ever get, even though it still felt like it was too late for it to really mean anything, because nothing I was about to say would change what had happened, but still…I wasn't going to leave those things unspoken even another day. I wasn't going to share my mother's regrets.


	5. Chapter 5: You Matter

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Congratulations" by Blue October. It's one of my favorite songs. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Five: You Matter

The tires of the cruiser squealed a bit as I zipped into the driveway of the mansion, nearly throwing myself out of the car before I'd even gotten the engine properly shut off. A part of me recognized how ridiculous I was acting, speeding all the way there with my heart racing like I'd just been running a damn marathon, but another part of me couldn't help but be terrified that I was going to go into that house and Regina would be gone…for good.

The fear was alive in every single inch of me, thoughts ripping rapidly through my head, like what if she didn't want to be there anymore once she realized that I was moving in, and so she'd figured out some way to finally let go and move on.

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. _

She had to be there. She just freaking had to be, because there were things I had to say. There were things that I _needed _to say, things I should have said a thousand times before. God, I'd been so fucking blind for so long and Snow's words had only slammed home that realization, forcing me to see how much of an idiot I'd been for over a year.

That whole damn speech about second chances—it ate away at me and continued to do so as I sprinted into the mansion and took the stairs nearly three at a time, because yeah…this wasn't really a chance at all considering the fact that nothing could be done now that Regina was dead, but it was the only fucking chance I had. So, I was going to take it like I should have taken all the chances I'd had before, because if nothing else, then at least Regina would hear it and she would finally know. She would finally know that someone saw her, that someone noticed her and cared about her on so many different levels, and I just kept telling myself as I ran that that would be enough. As long as she finally knew…it would be enough. No matter how much it pained me to know that nothing would ever come of what I was about to do, no matter how much that fact shredded through my heart like a jagged piece of glass, it would be enough. It had to be.

Why is it that we never see the important things until it's too late to see them? Why is it that we never say the things we need to say until it doesn't fucking matter anymore if we say them or not? Why does life always have to be so goddamn cruel? Why do we have to be so blind; so…stupid?

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Emma, you are such a fucking idiot! _I mentally berated myself as I hit the landing at the top of the stairs, panting as I raced down the hall and burst into Regina's room, practically knocking the white, wooden door off its hinges in my haste. I realized as my gaze frantically flitted around the large, open room that if anyone were to actually see me in that moment, they'd probably assume I was having a serious acid trip or something, because my chest was heaving, my breathing was erratic, my fists were clenched tightly at my sides, and my eyes were darting all over the place faster than my brain actually had time to process the images zipping past. But honestly? I really couldn't bring myself to care. I needed to see Regina. I needed to tell her that I…

"Emma?"

_Oh sweet Jesus, thank you! _I dropped my head to my chest and my body doubled over, my hands propped on my knees as I forced air into and out of my lungs, desperately trying to calm myself down. Regina's voice washed over me like the most soothing rain I'd ever felt—warm, rare, soft...precious; and all I wanted to do in that moment was wrap myself up in the sound of her voice and roll around in it. She was there. She was there, and I hadn't missed my chance. Tears sprang up, dancing on the edges of my eyelids as my heart swelled in my chest and I finally lifted my head to lock my misty emerald gaze with her ever deep-and-telling chocolate one.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she stared into me, and I could hear genuine concern in her voice. She was standing on the other side of the room, her hands clasped gently in front of her and her weight shifting from foot to foot and I briefly wondered why it was that, in death, she'd seemed to have become so insecure. She was poised as always, but I had never seen her look so vulnerable before. It was a surprising thing to witness but strangely endearing and completely beautiful.

"Emma?" she tried again, but I just continued to stare at her. "Are you…can you say something?"

_Apparently not, _I thought because I didn't say a damn thing even though that's exactly what I'd gone there to do. I just couldn't make my voice work in that moment. My heart was hammering wildly in my chest, because with every single one of those riveting realizations I'd made in the last day and a half dancing around inside my head, it was like I was seeing the woman in front of me for the very first time, and I was completely and utterly floored by the sight of her.

Regina had always been beautiful. Anyone with functioning eyes could tell you that much, but right then? Right then, she was…stunning. My breath hitched in my throat as I took in every visible inch of her and for the life of me, I couldn't understand how I could have ever possibly failed to realize just how goddamn breathtaking she was.

Tears spilled down my cheeks, because I don't think I had ever hated myself more than I did in that moment. _Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. _I mentally berated myself again as her eyes kept me spellbound and her gentle voice dug beneath my flesh and caressed every part of me with a searing, flaming touch unlike anything I'd ever felt. I wanted her, and I realized right then that I always had. I'd always wanted her. It was so obvious to me now. I'd clung to her, picking fights over every little thing just so that I could be near her, because she was…god, she was everything.

And she was gone. A ghost, nothing more, and yet I still wanted her.

"Emma, please…" she tried once more and before I even realized it, I was closing the space between us, my pulse like a symphony in my veins as my heart seemed to drop into my feet and carried me to her. Her eyes bore into mine as I moved closer to her, and I could see the anxiety in those chocolate pools, the questions, the concerns, and it was then that I finally found my voice.

As I drew ever nearer, taking one small, slow step at a time, I licked my lips and tasted my own tears but my eyes never left hers as I began to speak, my mother's words filtering into the air from my own tongue. "When someone hurts you, forgive them," I whispered at first, my volume then growing with my confidence as I continued to speak and move toward her. "When someone helps you, thank them, and when you love someone…you tell them. You say it, and you say it proudly, because in the end, it's the things we didn't say that haunt us the most."

"What?" she asked quietly, her voice a trembling whisper and barely audible as I came to stop only inches from her, our gazes each devouring the other's.

"When you love someone, you tell them," I repeated, tears slipping steadily down my cheeks and dripping away from the line of my jaw. "You say it, and you say it proudly, because in the end, it's the things we didn't say that haunt us the most."

"Oh…" she uttered and I would have sworn in that moment that I could feel the heat radiating off of her body, could feel the small brush of air escaping with that single word, but was that even possible? How could a ghost have body heat and breath and be so…so fucking _alive? _I quickly shook away the questions dancing in my head, because they didn't matter. Not then. Not when I was finally saying the things I should have said so long ago. No, nothing mattered but the ache in my chest and the words on the tip of my tongue and the woman that inspired them.

"I'm late," I said quietly, my voice cracking with the weight of my tears which only grew in volume as I saw salted droplets spill down Regina's cheeks as well. "I'm really fucking late. I-I know that, Regina. I know I'm late, and god, I'm so sorry for that, but I'm here now. I'm here."

Her bottom lip quivered as her gaze continued to spill into me, ripping through my veins and grabbing at my very soul as she waited for me to continue, and I did, forcing the words up and out from behind the towering walls and barricades I'd long ago built around my heart to protect myself. "And there are so many things that I need to say to you," I whispered, "so many things that I _have _to say to you; things I should have said a long time ago."

"O-okay," she croaked, and my heart clenched violently in my chest because never once had I ever heard Regina stutter. It seemed she was just as riveted by this as I was, and as comforting as that was, it only slammed home how monumental this moment was and the realization that once the words were out of my mouth, I could never take them back. It wasn't that I would want to take them back, because I meant it all. It was just that…part of me was absolutely terrified that if I put the feelings to words and actually voiced them, then somehow, both Regina and I would only end up hurting more, because there was nothing we could do about any of it now. We were stuck this way with me a part of the living and Regina a part of whatever came after. We were together, yes, but we would never _really _be together, never be able to touch each other or hold each other or…anything. What if I was about to break us both beyond repair?

_Oh god…_

My fear suddenly exploded inside me and I just wanted to run as fast and as far away from there as I could get, but just as I actually contemplated doing exactly that, my mother's words drifted into my head once more. _There won't always be a later time to say the things you keep locked away. So say them. _Damn mothers and their damn wisdom. I sucked in a heavy breath, desperately trying to slow down my heart because it thudded so forcefully that I was afraid it might actually tear through my flesh and spill out onto the floor between us, but no matter how many breaths I took, it only continued to pound frantically away. So, I just summoned as much courage as I could and instead of only freaking myself out further by doing something stupid like blurting out those three little words, I forced myself to relax and take it one step at a time, because those three little words were nowhere near the only ones I needed to say.

"You are beautiful," I said, the words spilling out in a heavy sigh and I could hear the truth in my own voice, the soulful sincerity that colored my quiet tone and I instantly knew that Regina had heard it too, because tears slipped from her eyes and a subtle sob escaped through her lips.

"I—" She started to respond, but I quickly cut her off, holding an index finger up to her lips. I felt nothing…only air, but Regina's eyes fluttered closed for a moment as her lips snapped shut and a nearly silent moan rumbled in her throat. I sucked in a heavy breath of surprise and whispered to her in awe. "Did you…did you feel that? Can you feel me?"

_Please say yes._

Her eyes fluttered slowly open again and a sad smile appeared on her face as I lowered my hand away from her lips. Melancholy decorated her voice as she quietly said, "No." I don't know how I'd gotten my hopes up so high in only a matter of seconds, but apparently I had, because as soon as that small, simple word slipped across her lips, it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach and melted into the acid there. It was more painful than I expected it to be.

"Oh…" I said sadly before shaking my head and clearing my throat. "That's okay," I told her, doing my best to manage a small smile to try and ease the discomfort and guilt that had settled in her eyes.

We stared into each other for several long moments before words bubbled up from my throat of their own accord. "You're strong." And as soon as those words filtered into the small amount of air between us, it was like a fucking dam had suddenly been demolished somewhere inside of me, because everything I'd ever thought about or felt about Regina just rapidly began to spill from my lips like a damn rushing river of confessions.

"You're smart and creative and you always know exactly how to get whatever you want or need."

"You're sarcastic and witty and hilarious. You always have the best quips even though you're making fun of me half the time." We both laughed softly at that even as tears continued to roll down our cheeks.

"You're determined and headstrong."

"You're compassionate and you care, even though you'd never admit it out loud."

"You make the best damn lasagna I've ever tasted, and I fucking miss it." She choked a bit as her voice cracked, torn between a laugh and a sob. My heart only continued to swell.

"You're passionate about…everything."

"You're the best mother and I…I can't fill your shoes. I'm never going to be as good for Henry as you, but I'm trying." Regina took a step closer to me, our faces now practically touching and a whimper escaped me unbidden because god, I just wanted to fucking touch her. I wanted to touch her like it was the only thing I had ever needed or would ever need again.

"You're brave. You're the bravest person I've ever met."

"And god, Regina," I choked as my body vibrated only inches from her and our eyes locked in a heated gaze that felt so familiar that it hurt, "you're fucking sexy as hell." She laughed loudly at that despite the tears still rising and falling and sweetly tracking her beautiful face.

I tried to laugh with her, but the sound only stuck painfully in my throat. I swallowed thickly while keeping my gaze locked with hers and slowly lifted a hand through the space between us and tried in vain to caress her cheek. My hand only slid along the empty space where Regina visibly stood but didn't physically exist. I sighed heavily as new tears welled in my eyes and I cupped my hand around the void that was her cheek and as much as it looked like I was actually touching her, I felt nothing, and she felt nothing, and that truth settled cruelly in my chest. It was an ugly fact that ached in my every cell, but I never moved my hand. I kept it there, unwilling to accept that she wasn't really with me, that she couldn't really feel my heat.

Another sob tore from her throat as she lifted her own hand to settle atop the one I kept steady just shy of her cheek. Her hand hovered over mine and I closed my eyes for only a moment, swallowing down the pain of my hope as it failed me in that moment. When I opened my eyes again, I locked gazes with her and whispered, "You matter."

And that was when she broke.

"You matter," I said again and watched as sob after sob ripped through her, her body shaking violently, and she clenched her eyes tightly closed, tears flooding forth from between her long, dark lashes.

"You matter," I said a final time as she slowly opened her eyes again, those chocolate pools latching onto me as my hand still hovered by her cheek, my thumb itching to wipe away her tears, and her hand still hovered over mine. I took a heavy breath before gently adding, "And I love you."

She shook her head back and forth and the sight of it was jarring to witness as I watched the motion force her cheek to slip right through my hand as if it wasn't even there. "You can't," she cried and if I could have, I would have caught her face between my palms and held her there, but I couldn't. She quickly stopped on her own, though, as I told her, "I can."

Her glistening eyes locked with mine again and she whispered, "You can't fall in love with a ghost, Emma."

Hearing Regina refer to herself as a ghost was like a solid fucking jab to my gut and I nearly doubled over, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me. I had to take several deep breaths to push through the pain before I finally was able to answer her.

"I didn't, Regina," I told her, and I could feel that sad, heart-wrenching smile touching my lips again as I looked at her, into her, all over her. "I fell in love with _you_."


	6. Chapter 6: A Wall Between Us

**A/N: Hello everyone. I just wanted to thank everyone who has continued to follow this story and especially to all of those who have reviewed. I appreciated your support more than you know. **

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House. The Glee Cast version is an excellent version, and the song really fits perfectly for the content of the chapter. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Six: A Wall Between Us

I called my parents and asked them to keep Henry for the night, and yeah, I felt horrible about it because the kid was grieving and I should be there as much as possible, but Regina…I couldn't explain it even if I wanted to it, but it was like I just couldn't leave her. I _had _to be there. And, I mean, shit, you don't just tell someone you love them and then leave, you know? Like, "Hey, I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you for a really long time. Alrighty, well now that that's out there, I should really get going. See ya!" Yeah…that wouldn't be cool.

So, I stayed, and she stayed. We were there together, and that was all I really cared about in the moment.

Regina's bed was soft and comfortable and smelled so fucking good as we laid there together, on top of the covers and facing each other. I'd already managed to thoroughly annoy the hell out of the woman for obsessing over the fact that she could lie down on a bed and not fall through it, but I couldn't touch her without my hand sliding right through her like some weird, fucked-up special effects. Truthfully, I had accepted her first answer that she simply didn't know how or why it worked that way, but I just kept on about it because it was so nice to see her slip into her old self for a few minutes. My heart raced every time she rolled her eyes at me or made some snarky quip about me being "incessantly annoying" or "the equivalent of an aggravatingly curious two-year-old." I didn't even care that she was insulting me, because it was _her_. It was _us_, our dynamic, and god, I'd missed it. I'd missed us.

We hadn't talked about my confession or anything even remotely related to all that I'd told her about how I saw her and what she meant to me, which of course, didn't really surprise me. Neither of us had ever really been very adept with feelings, let alone openly speaking about them. I was fine with avoiding the issue, because I already felt raw and exposed and entirely too vulnerable to be comfortable carrying on about any of it; not to mention the fact that I felt like I'd already cried myself dry over the last few days. I just didn't feel like I had anything left in me, and my eyes were still stinging and burning from my last cry-fest. So, yeah…no thank you to another emotional train ride.

The only thing that left me feeling uneasy, that had my insides churning and my head spinning, was the fact that Regina never said it back—that she loved me, too, you know? I tried to comfort myself by thinking that maybe she just didn't want to be vulnerable or that maybe she was afraid if she admitted she loved me too, that it would only make it harder for her to move on or accept the fact that she was gone and we could never really be together. If either was the case, I could accept that. I could be okay with it. But then…there was that little voice in the back of my mind, quietly assaulting me as we laid there together, that wondered if she didn't say it because…because she didn't feel the same way. She didn't love me.

I hated the fact that I couldn't shut that voice up, that I couldn't just shove it away or even ignore it, but that didn't stop me from trying. So, I diverted. I continued to tease her, get on her nerves, because as long as we were comfortably within the confines of our former dynamic, then I was safe from having my heart broken any more than it already was.

"I just don't get it," I said as I tried again to touch her, poking at her shoulder only to watch my index finger fly right through her.

"For gods' sake, Emma," Regina huffed as she rolled her eyes at me again and my heart hammered away at the sight, "let it go."

"But it's not fair!" I whined like the child Regina had often claimed me to be.

She sighed heavily and said, "I truly despise you." I felt my breath slam from my lungs as her words shot through me like a fucking bullet, and all I felt in that moment was pain. I don't know why it hit me so hard. Regina had said similar things to me more times than I could even recall, but they just felt so much more significant now, considering everything I'd confessed to her. Now that I was aware of my feelings, those words felt like heartbreak, like a rejection—then again, it wasn't like we could ever be together anyway.

Before I could really let myself toil over it, though, I saw the corners of her lips quirk up into a small smile, and relief instantly flooded over me. I let out a heavy sigh that ended in a strange, shaky laugh, because I didn't want her to know that, for a second, I hadn't realized she was teasing me. I didn't want her to know how terrified I was that she might not love me back. I wasn't going to put any kind of pressure on her, because honestly? What the hell did it matter now if she said it or not? It didn't…not really.

Or at least, it shouldn't matter. But yeah…it did. It mattered more than anything.

I did my best to shake off my own trepidation and insecurities, and just laughed again and with a cheeky grin, I said, "I don't believe you. I think you find me adorable and endearing."

"Yes, dear, that must be why I punched you," she said with another eye-roll and a smirk that made every inch of me tingle.

"Oh please," I laughed out. "That was forever ago, and I punched you back, remember?"

"Indeed I do, and that only further supports my point that I do not, in fact, find you adorable or endearing."

"No way," I scoffed. "I think it supports the fact that you _do_. The constant insults and teasing, too—I mean, come on, Regina. You're like a ten-year-old boy."

"Excuse me?" She asked incredulously, that one eyebrow shooting up as she narrowed her eyes at me and waited for an explanation.

"You like me," I told her, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud at the look on her face as I continued. "You're like the little boy that teases and picks on the girl he likes. It's your weird, and fairly twisted, way of flirting with me."

She snorted at that and I nearly lost it. I'd never heard such an undignified, unrefined sound come out of Regina Mills, but I found I quite liked it. It was unbelievably adorable.

"And does the teasing typically escalate into a full-blown fist fight?" she asked. "Because I find it hard to believe that anyone would consider that flirting."

"Oh no, _that_ wasn't flirting," I told her as a smile stretched my lips and unconsciously, I scooted closer to her on the bed. "That was much more adult."

"Translation?" she asked, and I could tell that she was trying not to smile which only made my heart swell in my chest, so full in that moment that it felt like it might just pop like a damn balloon at any minute.

"It was foreplay," I said with a wink and a devious smirk. Her jaw dropped, lips separating just a bit, and I completely lost it.

I burst into laughter, and within seconds, she was laughing with me. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard, and god, it just felt so good. Joy burst in my heart and for just a second, I completely forgot that she was gone; that she wasn't really there with me. It was a truly precious experience, and I just wanted to stay inside that moment forever.

"I had no idea you were such a masochist," she laughed out, and her smile in that moment felt like the fucking sun, and I just basked in it. I let it soak into me and warm me from the inside out.

"Oh, I'm many things," I told her, smirking. "I can be quite the romantic, too." That, of course, was a total lie, because I don't think I'd been romantic a single day in my life, but I realized in that moment while lying there with Regina that I could be. I could be anything for her if given the chance.

"Why don't I believe that?" she asked, quirking that eyebrow at me again. "I think I can safely assume that your attempt at such things would be more comedic than romantic." She laughed out loud at her own joke, which again, was unbelievably adorable.

"Hey!" I shouted playfully, mock pouting at her, which only had her laughing harder. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?"

"Yes, I think it's actually quite hilarious," she laughed out, and before I even realized what I was doing, I shot across the bed, rolling over and up on my knees so that I was basically straddling her.

My hands were planted in her pillow on either side of her head and my knees dug into the mattress as I hovered over her. Both her breath and mine hitched in our throats as the laughter quickly died between us and we stared into each other. She smiled almost shyly up at me as her eyes searched mine, and my heart was a stammering mess in my chest.

My joy in that moment was beyond words, only building with every second that I spent basking in her soft smile and deep, hopeful eyes so full of mirth and…desire? Oh god…it was. It was desire, the same desire I felt coursing through my own body, and with that realization, I leaned down, without thinking, to close the gap between us.

Reality escaped me as I watched her eyes flutter closed as I inched closer to her, but when I pressed my lips to where hers were waiting, I was met with only air. Empty space. Nothing.

The entire fucking world exploded around me in that moment as reality came crashing down on top of me like the worst, most painful weight I'd ever carried. I felt like I might break and shatter to pieces beneath it, and part of me was sure that I already had. In a matter of seconds, every hope that I'd held in my heart just crumbled and melted into ash.

I pulled back quickly as a heart-wrenching, guttural sob ripped painfully up from my throat, and tears instantly spilled forth from my eyes, stinging as they shot over the edges of my eyelids and ran burning rivers down my cheeks. I moved to the end of the bed with my back to her and dropped my head into my hands as I cried harder and louder than I had ever cried in my entire life.

"Emma…" I heard her whisper, but I couldn't look at her. I couldn't fucking stand the heartache.

"I f-forgot," I stuttered and gasped out through my tears. "F-for just a s-second, I forgot that…that y-you were…"

This was too much. It was just too fucking much, and I couldn't breathe beneath the reality of it. Anger suddenly surged through my entire body, racing through my veins, and in an instant I was on my feet. I grabbed the nearest thing I could get my hands on, a small glass vase from the top of Regina's dresser and I chunked it as hard as I could across the room. It smashed into the wall opposite me, shattering on impact, and as I watched the jagged shards of glass spill onto the floor, I just collapsed.

I fell roughly to my knees, my head dropping to the floor as I cried so forcefully that my entire body ached, and when I finally calmed enough to look up, Regina was gone.


	7. Chapter 7: Dead Dead Dead

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Scream" by Chris Cornell. Try it out if you like. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Seven: Dead. Dead. Dead.

The next day was Henry's first day back to school since everything just fell the hell apart, and I barely managed to make it to Snow and David's to pick him up in time to take him. I had cried so much the night before that when I woke up, I was dangerously dehydrated. My head was like a fucking bucket of nails, and I just kept digging at my temples, trying to soothe the ache, but nothing helped. My eyes stung horribly and my chest felt tight, my lungs aching with every breath. I knew I looked like hell, but I had promised Henry that I would be there to take him to school, so I sucked it up and made the effort, because when I make a promise to my kid, I keep it. No matter what.

When I dropped him off at school, he hesitated a long time before going in. I knew he was nervous, wary about having to face all his classmates after what he'd been through in the last week. It was no secret that a lot of the townsfolk loathed Regina with a passion and that that hate was still fresh considering that the Curse had only just been broken a few weeks before she died. I'd heard more than one person express their joy over the death of the Evil Queen, but thankfully no one had yet been insensitive toward Henry, as even some of the people who I knew to have hated Regina the most had offered the kid condolences, but that didn't change the fact that there was always a chance that someone might slip and say something nasty to Henry or in front of him. And god help them if they did, because with the way I'd been feeling, I was on my last damn leg, and I just couldn't handle anymore.

Once I'd finally convinced Henry that his grandma would there with him all day and that everything would be okay, he hugged me tightly and went inside. I watched him go before climbing back into the cruiser and heading to the station. My head pounded furiously the entire drive there, and all I could think as I pulled into the station was that I'd kill for a damn drink or two…or five. I slid out of the cruiser and made my way inside, and just as I was stepping through the door, an image of Regina flashed through my mind unbidden—her beneath me as I hovered over her, leaning in, desperate to kiss her, and then…nothing. And as the image faded away again, my chest grew tighter and my breathing grew strained, and all I could think was _screw the drink_. What I'd really kill for in that moment was a fucking bullet to the brain.

Christ, it was going to be a long damn day.

* * *

I spent most of the morning going back and forth between a mountain of paperwork and just dropping my head onto the desk and staring at the floor or nodding off only to jerk awake every time my forehead suddenly slipped off the edge of the desk. So, it was like seeing god in person when Ruby walked into the station at a quarter to noon with a bottle of aspirin and a huge bag of food from Granny's.

"Oh god, I could kiss you right now," I groaned out as she sat the food on my desk and poured some pills into my open and waiting hand.

"I _am _a fantastic kisser," she teased, rolling her eyes before handing me a bottle of water which I took eagerly and all but chugged empty in seconds.

"How the hell did you know I had a headache?" I asked her, not wasting any time in tearing open the bag from Granny's and groaning loudly again as I pulled out a massive grilled cheese and stuffed at least a quarter portion of it into my mouth at once. I felt like I hadn't eaten in days, and I was pretty positive that it actually had been at least one full day.

"Lucky guess," she answered as she plopped down into the chair opposite me and reached for the Granny's bag to steal some of my fries. "I came in a little earlier and you were passed out on your desk, so I just assumed you had a rough night. I know how hard everything has been on Henry lately, so…I'm sure you're exhausted."

I just nodded as I continued to stuff my face, little moans escaping unbidden from my throat with nearly every bite. Ruby just laughed at me and asked, "Good?"

"So good," I answered around a mouthful of fries. "Seriously, I could kiss you."

"Yeah, you said that already," she laughed out, rolling her eyes at me again though she kept a huge grin on her face. "Stop feeding my ego and feed yourself. Oh, and try to take a breath between bites, why don't you?"

There was a reason why Ruby was my best friend, and it wasn't because she brought me food or always seemed to know what I needed at any given moment, though those things definitely helped. It was because everything between us was always so easy. Nothing was ever complicated or overly emotional. We had each other's backs. It was simple and comfortable, and it was the best friendship I'd ever had. Ruby was the closest thing to a real sibling I'd ever had, which was saying something considering how many different kids I'd lived with when I was in the system. Back then, though, I'd always kept to myself. I didn't let myself get close to anyone, or love anyone. But I loved Ruby.

It had honestly weirded me out a bit after the Curse broke when I found out that not only was Ruby actually Little Red Riding Hood _AND _a werewolf (seriously, whoever wrote all the damn fairytales had gotten so much shit wrong), but she was also my _godmother. _That just seemed so strange to me, because though Ruby and I teased each other all the time, she was pretty much like my sister. Then again, it's also not every day that you find out that your roommate, who is basically the same age as you, is also your mother. God, my life was some seriously twisted shit.

"So," Ruby said as I was finishing up my incredibly greasy and delicious lunch, "you've been spending some time at Regina's place?"

"What?" I asked, choking a bit on a fry which then sent me into a coughing fit. When I was finally able to breathe again, I asked, "How did you know that? Did my mom tell you?" Ugh, I was really looking forward to the day when it didn't feel so damn weird to refer to Mary Margaret as both Snow White and my mother. Seriously, the few weeks I'd been living my new, post-Curse life was like stepping into the fucking Twilight Zone every damn day.

Ruby laughed a bit and said, "You should see the look on your face right now."

"Shut it," I told her before pushing her to answer my question. "So, did she tell you?"

She shook her head in answer before pointing her index finger at her nose and saying, "Heightened senses, remember? I can smell her on you."

My heart clenched so tightly with those words that I rubbed at my chest in a failed attempt to soothe the ache. "Oh…" I managed to choke out. I cleared my throat a few times in an effort to clear out the fucking massive lump that had developed there before throwing out the first thing I could think of. "Yeah, well…Henry told me that he wanted to move back in there. He said he wanted to be surrounded by her things, and I just…I couldn't say no, Rubes."

"Yeah, I get it," she said quietly, her eyes growing sad and distant. "A lot of people didn't care much for Regina, but she was still Henry's mother."

"Yeah…"

The station grew quiet after that, both of us seemingly lost in our heads or maybe it was just that neither of us knew what to say. Part of me ached to tell my best friend what had been happening over the last two days, just because I wanted to tell someone. I needed to know that I wasn't fucking losing my mind, or maybe that I was. Whatever…I just needed some kind of confirmation either way, but instead of spilling my guts to Ruby and begging her to help me with whatever the hell this was, I just stayed quiet.

The silence grew so loud that it was buzzing in my ears like an angry fly that I just wanted to squash into fucking oblivion, but just as I was about to explode, the phone rang and I practically leapt across my desk to answer it. As soon as I took the call, though, I wished that I hadn't. I rolled my eyes and confirmed that I was on my way before slamming the phone back into its cradle and turning toward Ruby.

"Three guesses as to what that was about," I told her, my lip curling in annoyance as I grabbed my keys and she stood from her chair to follow me out.

"I only need one," she said, chuckling a bit as we left the station and climbed into the cruiser together. Seriously…why can't I get break?

* * *

We picked Leroy up from just outside the nunnery where he was wasted off his ass and shouting his love for Sister Astrid or Nova or whatever the hell that fairy's name was. I seriously couldn't keep up with everyone's fairytale identities. That shit was confusing. When we got him back to the station, I threw him in a cell so that he could sleep off his intoxication, which was just sad considering that it wasn't even one in the afternoon yet.

"Hey, hey, easy on the goods sister!" he growled out at me as I shouldered him through the door of the cell, and all I could think in that moment was that the name Grumpy really did suit him.

I just rolled my eyes at him and grumbled, "Seriously, are you _ever_ sober?"

"Why should I be?" he barked at me as he plopped unceremoniously onto the cell cot. "Everyone should be drinking. It's a time for celebration, sister. The witch is finally dead! Ding damn dong."

"Hey!" I growled out at him, anger flaring and ripping through my veins as I locked up the cell door. "Watch it!" Normally, I wouldn't have risen to the bait, but too much had happened in the last few days, and emotionally, I was completely drained. Anything and everything felt like a fucking attack on my senses, and I just couldn't take it.

Leroy completely ignored me, which only made me angrier as he carried on hiccupping and saying, "Good riddance! The witch got exactly what she deserved. Hell, I only wish I'd have been the one to do it."

The glass face of the clock on the wall suddenly exploded, shattering violently and shooting shards across the room and onto the floor. "What the hell?!" Leroy shouted as his bleary eyes darted wildly back and forth between me and the clock, but I didn't care what had happened. I was too damn angry in that moment to even think about it.

"My son lost his mother," I practically screamed at him. "So show some fucking respect and shut your damn mouth before I shut it for you!"

"Emma…" I heard Ruby say quietly before she cautiously moved behind me and rested her hands on my shoulders in an attempt to calm me, but Leroy was belligerent and refusing to back down, which only pissed me off more. He jumped to his feet, swaying a bit before regaining his balance and walking up to the bars, snarling at me.

"I don't give a damn if she was the boy's mother," he growled out at me. "As far as I'm concerned, the kid's lucky the queen is dead. We all are!"

"Leroy, back off!" Ruby shouted at him, her hands still squeezing my shoulders as my chest heaved frantically.

"No! I'll say what I want to say and there's not a damn thing you can do about it, sister," he said, his gaze locking with mine and as soon as I saw that small smirk settle on his face, something inside me just erupted. My entire body stiffened as he pointed an index finger at me and taunted me further. "It would've happened a lot sooner if _you_ hadn't gotten in the way, but no matter, 'cause the queen is dead and there's nothing you can do about it. She's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead."

Before I even realized what the hell was happening, I heard Ruby's gasp and Leroy's yelp as a massive surge of energy burst from my chest and the iron-barred door of the dwarf's cell ripped off its hinges and nearly took Ruby and me out with it as it flew across the room and crashed into the wall behind us. My eyes went wide as I took in the sight of what I'd just done, though I had no fucking clue how I'd done it, and before any of us could even begin to process it, I panicked. I turned quickly and sprinted out of the station, running as hard and fast as I could, because I just had to get away from there.

What the hell was happening to me?


	8. Chapter 8: My Life Will Go

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Without You" by Ingrid Michaelson. I feel that it is truly powerful and perfect for this chapter, and I hope that you all will try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Eight: My Life Will Go

I didn't have a clue where I was going. I just ran. My head was a fucking mess and my thoughts were firing so rapidly that I couldn't even process them. All I could feel in that moment as my boots pounded into the ground and my heart hammered madly in my chest was pure, unadulterated fury. The air stung like it was on fire as it ripped into and out of my lungs, but I just kept running. It wasn't long before blurs of greens and browns sped past me, and my mind just barely registered that I was in the woods.

My panic only grew as white sparks shot out from my chest and my hands, clenched closed into fists as I ran, and the loud echoes of snapping branches popped and rang around me with every new wave of sparks on my flesh. I just kept running. I couldn't stop. I felt like I wanted to run to the end of the fucking earth and just leap. I couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of karmic retribution, if this was what happened when you spent your entire damn life running from everything and everyone, never letting anyone close enough to love you. Was this what I got for holding my emotions in for so long that now that I'd finally accepted my feelings, they were too much?

Was this my punishment? Was this what I got?

The woman I loved was fucking dead. She died. SHE DIED! And I could still see her. She was hanging on, and because of that, I couldn't let her go. And all I wanted to do was touch her. God, I just wanted to _touch_ her. I wanted to hold her, and I couldn't. I couldn't touch Regina. I never would again. And now all of my emotions were exploding from inside me and I just couldn't keep them in.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't BREATHE!

"IS THIS WHAT I FUCKING GET?!" I screamed as I stumbled to a stop in the middle of a small clearing, the words like fire in my throat, scorching across my tongue and ripping into the air. Another massive wave of energy burst forth from my chest, spilling out of me in every direction, and I spun around, watching as the trees surrounding me cracked and bent, a smaller one exploding entirely. Bark and leaves flew, splintering out from the impact of the magic raging in my heart and ripping into the air and the woods around me.

It hurt. Every part of me fucking hurt, and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop the pain. I felt too full, the magic pulsing so strongly inside me that I felt like I might literally just rip apart. My skin felt tight and ready to tear open at any second, and the weight of the magic filling my every cell pressed on my heart and lungs with a force I couldn't fight off. I was terrified. I don't think I'd ever been more scared in my life, and my body and my hands acted of their own accord.

My hands tore into my shirt, ripping it open in the front, my fingernails instantly moving to scratch at the flesh above my heart where it felt like someone was squeezing it so forcefully that I just knew it was going to crumble into dust any minute. Oh god. I just needed it to stop. I was dying. I was fucking DYING. I needed…someone to help me. Anyone. I was hyperventilating, desperately trying to get air into my lungs because the pressure was just too much, and as I looked down at my chest, now only covered by the scraps of my torn shirt and my bra, I only panicked more.

I could see every single vein in my chest glowing a brilliant bright white and pulsating just beneath the surface of my skin as sparks sizzled on my flesh. And I could see…oh god, I could see my heart—my _actual _heart. It was as if all the muscle and the bone had somehow disappeared, pushing my heart to the surface so that I could see it just beneath my skin, pumping so frantically that I was sure it would explode at any minute.

Pain ripped through my chest and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I screamed so loud that I was sure the entire town could hear me, and wave after wave of energy shot out of me, trees exploding left and right and the ground rumbling and shifting beneath my feet. Tears burned in my eyes before spilling down my cheeks and I was so sure that I was going to die at any minute, and then Ruby was sprinting from the trees and into the clearing.

Her eyes were wide and terrified as they locked with mine and then I could hardly see her through what looked like a massive, brilliantly white bubble forming around my entire body, every bit of it attached to my flesh and spreading outward.

"Emma!" she screamed as she shot toward me.

"Ruby, stay back!" I barely managed to choke out, but she kept coming. Just as she reached me, I saw her hand thrust through the white wall surrounding me and that was all it took. The bubble exploded, shooting outward from where I stood shaking and screaming in pain, my flesh threatening to tear apart and leave me broken, open, and exposed. I only screamed harder as I watched the force of the magic send Ruby flying away from me through the air before she landed with a heavy thud in the tree-line on the other side of the small clearing.

I tried to move, tried to make my legs work so that I could get to her, but my body wouldn't obey, and all I could do was collapse to the ground, still screaming in pain. Oh god, make it stop. Please, make it stop.

I couldn't even breathe a sigh of relief when I heard Ruby's voice again. She was okay, and I couldn't even be relieved, because all I could feel was the fucking pain and the pressure and every emotion I'd ever kept buried inside me screaming to the surface with a vengeance unlike anything I'd ever felt in my life. Why was this happening to me?

"Emma, just hold on," I heard Ruby shout to me, and I could hear the crack in her voice, the fear present in every word. "I'm getting help. Just hold on."

"P-please," I barely managed to gasp out. "Please hel-help me. I ca-" Another scream tore from my throat as another wave of magic blasted through me and outward from my body and the ground beneath my knees shifted before breaking open, dirt erupting into the air around me as I dug my fingers into the blades of grass and just prayed to any fucking god that might be listening that I would make it through this, because all I could fucking think in that moment was that I couldn't leave Henry alone. He couldn't lose another mother.

But then every ounce of my hope leaked out of me as my fear solidified in front of me in the form of Regina. Suddenly she was right in front of me, the form of her body flickering into view like a shaky image on a busted television. And I knew…I knew that it was the end, because surely if I was seeing Regina, if she was there with me, it meant that I was dying.

"Emma?" I heard her voice and it washed over me like the sweetest fucking music I'd ever heard in my life, and I just sobbed harder, my fingers digging into the dirt and my heart pushing heavily at the thin layer of flesh separating it from the buzzing air around me. "Oh god, Emma!"

She was scared for me. I could hear it in her voice, and I don't know why, but a part of me felt so fucking relieved just knowing that she cared, and that she was there with me. I wasn't alone. I wasn't going to die alone.

"Emma, you need to try and calm your emotions," she shouted to me, and I barely managed to keep my eyes open long enough to lock onto her gaze and hold it. "Magic is emotion, Emma, and yours are out of control. If you don't calm your emotions, your magic will kill you!"

"I ca-can't. H-hurt…" I tried to tell her, as everything around me grew fuzzy and another wave of magic burst outward from my body like jagged glass shredding through my fucking veins.

"I know," I heard her say as I forced myself to keep my eyes locked on hers and I could see the fear in those chocolate depths. I could see her pleading with me to hold on. "I know it hurts, but you have to try. You can't leave Henry, Emma. He needs you."

Suddenly it was like the entire world began to flicker ominously around me, fading to black before shooting back into focus and fading to black again. I could feel my heartbeat in every inch of me, my pulse loud like a drum in my ears, and I knew it was time. I was going, and even though I had only just been so terrified that I could hardly breathe, I was suddenly so overcome with a sense of peace that my fear just melted away and all I could think about was Regina.

My eyes flickered closed and I felt myself falling, dropping inches closer to the ground, though I kept my fingers latched onto the ground and barely holding myself up. I heard Regina call out to me again and her voice cracked terribly as she screamed at me to hold on. "Don't you dare, Emma! Don't you dare die and leave Henry behind!"

"W-we'll b-be togeth...together," I whispered to her in a stuttering breath that I barely managed to push forward, and I don't know how she heard me, but somehow she did, because the next thing I heard was an echoing sob wrench up from her throat and I felt her next words fall over every inch of my screaming, aching body.

"Please, Emma," she cried. "Please be strong."

A wave of magic erupted inside of me and I watched as it rippled out of me and then suddenly I felt empty. I felt my forehead collide with the ground and everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9: Matters of the Heart

**A/N: Hello again, everyone. Just wanted to give you all a heads-up that the next chapter will reveal how Regina died. **

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Poor Eliza" by Chris Bathgate. It wasn't a conscious decision for this chapter. It just so happened to be what I found myself writing to. Perhaps it will be a pleasant reading companion. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Nine: Matters of the Heart

The first thing I was aware of was that my head was fucking exploding. It throbbed so fiercely that I literally felt as if my brain might combust or melt and leak out of my ears any second. And then came the sounds, assaulting every inch of me. An incessant beeping spilled into my eardrums and drove me fucking crazy as it only made my head pound harder, but there was more. Sniffling, sobbing, whispering voices—I tried to block them out but they just kept slipping past my defenses and throbbing in my brain, and then recognition washed over me as I heard a very distinctive voice.

_Henry._

I instantly tried to claw my way into full consciousness, my body acting on instinct as I tried to sit up and go to him, but all that resulted in was more pain. My chest was tight and my limbs were tingly, and I felt a sharp pain in my hand as I tried to push myself up. A loud groan escaped my throat as I tried again, and finally, my eyes decided to join the struggle. They slowly fluttered open and an extremely blurry image of my mother's face instantly swam before me. I jerked back as dizziness set in again, pounding in my head and churning warily in my stomach.

"Emma?" I heard Snow's voice echo from the blurry face in front of me. "Emma, honey?"

I tried to talk to her but my words just came out in a strangled, incoherent sentence masked by a moan. "What, honey? Try again," she said, and then I felt her hands on my shoulders, stroking soothingly and shockingly enough considering the epic amount of pain coursing through my body, her touch did actually soothe me. I let out a shaky sigh and relaxed into her touch as my vision began to focus and I could finally see her face clearly.

I tried to clear my throat but it only resulted in a burning ache and a violent coughing fit that caused a blast of pain to shoot through my chest. When the coughing finally stopped, I groaned again at the residual pain still stinging in my throat and lungs and felt Snow's hands start to rub my shoulders again. I locked gazes with her and I could see the fear in every inch of her face. It made my heart clench and tears spring into my own eyes. I opened my mouth to talk again, hoping that I could soothe her as well, and thankfully this time, I actually managed to find my voice.

"Mom," I just barely got out, but I was glad I did, because as soon as that single word slipped across my lips, her tearful eyes lit up, a sob escaped her throat, and a beautiful smile stretched her lips.

"Oh Emma," she cried before scooting closer and wrapping her arms around me in a gentle embrace. She pressed a soft, loving kiss to my cheek and I could feel her tears as they seeped into my skin and when she whispered, "I thought I'd lost you," my own tears fell down my cheeks.

I squeezed her tightly and noticed the pain in my hand again so I gently pushed her back and finally looked down. There was a needle in my hand, an IV, and that's when I actually looked around the room to realize that I was in the hospital and the incessant beeping sound was coming from a heart monitor that was obviously attached to me. And then my eyes zeroed in on the other two people in the room.

David was standing just behind Snow with tears in his eyes, and tucked snugly into his side and crying heavily was Henry. As soon as I saw his wet cheeks and wide, terrified eyes, I instantly hated myself. This was the last thing that the kid needed to go through considering that it had barely been over a week since he'd lost Regina. I mentally slapped the hell out of myself even though I obviously couldn't help what had happened or change it. It was what it was, except that I honestly didn't have a fucking clue _what _it actually _was. _

I sighed heavily and motioned him forward. "Come here, kid."

He hesitated a moment, glancing around at all the machines like he was afraid to approach me, let alone touch me, but I just kept beckoning him forward with my hand and so after a minute or two, he finally stepped away from David and made his way to my side. Snow moved from the bed and let him take her place. As soon as he sat down on the edge of my bed, I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it even though it hurt to do so because of my IV, but whatever. Seeing my kid so destroyed hurt me even more.

As soon as I squeezed his hand, tears spilled from his eyes and he dove into my chest, sobbing fiercely so that he was gasping for air within seconds. I wrapped an arm around him and stroked his hair with my other hand as I shushed him and whispered, "It's okay, Henry. I'm okay."

I locked eyes with my parents as I held him and saw that they both were crying as well, which made me feel like shit for scaring them, but it also made my heart swell in my chest because I finally had parents and a son. I finally had a family that loved me and that I loved in return; all that was missing was…Regina.

Henry cried for a long time and when he finally lifted his head, my hospital gown was soaked where he had been laying. He wiped at his cheeks, eyes, and nose, still sniffling, before he said, "I love you," and I felt those words in every part of my heart and soul.

"I love you too, kid," I whispered, squeezing his hand. I then looked to my dad and said, "David, why don't you take Henry down to the cafeteria and see if they have some ice cream. I'm just going to talk to Snow for a minute."

He nodded before holding his hand out to Henry, but the kid hesitated, glancing back and forth between me and David. I smiled softly at him and said, "It's okay, Henry. Go ahead. I promise I'll be here when you get back." He narrowed his eyes at me as if he was pondering whether or not to believe me before he finally nodded and went with David out of the room and down to the hospital cafeteria.

"I'll get Dr. Whale," Snow said quickly before I could even open my mouth. She darted out of the room and was barely gone a minute before she was shuffling back in with Whale.

"Emma," Whale said as he moved over to me and began to check my vitals, "you gave us quite the scare."

"Yeah, about that," I said, wincing a bit as he shined a light in my eyes to check whatever the hell it is that doctors check when they do that shit; my pupils or whatever. "Care to tell me what happened exactly?"

Snow's shaky voice jumped in then as she asked, "You don't remember?" She then looked to Whale and asked, "Is that bad?"

"No," I told her quickly, groaning in pain as Whale helped lift me into a sitting position so that he could press his freaking frigidly cold stethoscope to my back, "I mean, yes, I remember. It's in flashes but I remember most of it, at least up until I passed out or died or whatever the hell happened."

Both Whale and Snow were quiet then, glancing to each other as if having a silent conversation which fucking set my teeth on edge, because hello?! I was right freaking there and asking! They ignored my glare, though, so I just threw out another question to grab their attention, though I did actually really want to know the answer. "Is…is Ruby okay?"

"Yes, Emma, she's fine," Snow told me and I let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Just a few bruised ribs. She's in the waiting room whenever you're ready for more visitors."

"Snow, Ruby isn't 'more visitors'. She's family. Someone should tell her she can come in whenever she wants."

She smiled and nodded in answer and I felt better after that, knowing that my best friend was okay and that I would see her soon. "Now, what the hell happened to me?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Emma," Whale said as he settled onto the edge of my bed and rested his clipboard in his lap. "All I can tell you are the medical aspects of what happened to you, but if you want to know more, you'll have to speak with Mr. Gold."

"_Gold?_" I asked, thoroughly surprised. "Why him?"

"He's the one who saved you," Snow said, locking gazes with me as I gasped in shock and Whale cleared his throat loudly and grunted his disapproval of her statement. "Sorry," she quickly amended, "he's the reason we were able to get you to the hospital where Dr. Whale, here, then saved your life."

Whale then nodded his approval of her amended statement before turning back to me and offering me a sympathetic smile. "As I said, I can only give you a run-down from a medical standpoint," he explained, "but Gold will have to explain the magical aspects of it to you. He's in the waiting room whenever you're ready to talk to him."

"He stayed?!" I asked, seriously not believing my ears on that one.

"We were shocked, too," Snow said with a small laugh.

"How long have I been out?" I then asked.

"Only a few hours," Whale told me and I sighed again in relief. At least I hadn't been unconscious for an extended period of time. That really would have upset Henry.

An awkward silence set in then and it crawled uncomfortably on my skin so I quickly cleared my throat, looked at Whale, and said, "Alright, well give me the run-down."

"Very well," he said, nodding, before diving right in. "When you were brought in, you were unconscious and your heart-rate was dangerously slow. Our tests indicated that you suffered a massive heart attack and part of your heart was compromised. We took you in for emergency surgery, where you then crashed on the table. We had to shock you to bring you back, but you held steady after that throughout the surgical repairs I made to your heart. You've been asleep since surgery, but your vitals look good. I'll need to take some new scans to be sure, but you're incredibly lucky, Emma. We nearly lost you."

I sat there in shock, completely and utterly dumbfounded by everything that Whale had told me. _A heart attack?! I had a fucking heart attack?! _How the hell does that happen? I'm only twenty-eight!

"I need to talk to Gold," I said quickly, shaking out of my panicked thoughts and allowing my gaze to dart back and forth between Whale and Snow. Neither of them made a move or said anything, just awkwardly staring at me and each other, so I just snapped. "Now!" I shouted and they both instantly jumped, startled by my volume.

"Um, I'll go," Whale said before rushing toward the door.

"And Ruby!" I yelled after him as he darted into the hallway and out of sight, leaving me alone with my mother who looked just as terrified and upset as I felt in that moment. She quickly pulled out her phone saying she was going to text David to tell him to keep Henry away from the room for a while, which I was thankful for because yeah…my kid didn't need to hear any of this shit.

A fucking heart attack…

_Seriously?_

* * *

When the two people I'd requested entered my room a few minutes later, Ruby instantly shot to my side, bending to wrap her arms around me and I felt her tears splash onto my neck. I rubbed her back soothingly and waited for her to calm down a bit before saying, "I'm sorry, Rubes. I—I don't know what happened out there." She just shook her head as if to dismiss my words and kissed my cheek before hugging me tightly again.

"Perhaps I could be of assistance in that department," I heard Gold say, and Ruby and I quickly pulled apart as I focused my gaze on him and motioned for him to come closer. I scooted over a bit as Ruby climbed into the bed to sit beside me, wrapping her hand in mine, and Snow came to the other side of the bed to hold my other hand. Gold then stepped forward until he was standing just in front of me, leaning on his cane. We locked gazes and I just knew that whatever he was about to tell me was going to be huge.

"Whale said I had a heart attack," I told him and instantly felt both Ruby and Snow squeeze my hands tightly.

Gold nodded before saying, "That would be correct, but it wasn't because you are in poor health or suffer from an underlying heart condition."

"It was because of magic," I said, not even posing it as a question because I knew it was the truth.

"Indeed, dearie," he said, nodding again. "As I informed you recently after your little run-in with Cora in the Enchanted Forest, you are a product of True Love and as such, you are quite literally _made _of magic. It lives within you, runs in your very veins. You would have discovered this at a much younger age had you been raised in your homeland; however, as you know, the Curse resulted in you coming of age in a land without magic. When magic was returned to Storybrooke, the magic inside of you was able to flourish once again, as you experienced firsthand with Cora."

"Yeah, okay, but how does that explain what happened in the woods?" I asked him, growing impatient with the whole you're-made-of-magic storytime he was indulging in and just wishing he'd get to the point.

"Well, you see, Ms. Swan," he said and the title made my heart clench in my chest as it instantly reminded me of Regina, "magic is ruled by our emotions. With typical practitioners of magic, emotions are not nearly as much of a threat as they have had to learn the craft and as such, learned to control their emotions in the process. However, in your case, as someone who is quite literally composed of magic, emotions pose a much greater threat as the power you inherently possess is great in both strength as well as magnitude. The threat is heightened by the fact that you have never learned to control your power or your emotions, nor have you ever been taught to properly wield your magic."

"Yeah, yeah, get to it," I snapped at him, and then I instantly felt guilty as both Ruby and Snow squeezed my hands again as if to calm me down. "Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly.

"It's quite alright," Gold said, tilting his head to me in a show of understanding and I couldn't help but wonder why he was helping me or had helped me or even cared to be here explaining all of this to me now. What the hell was in it for him?

"As I was saying," he began again, "magic is emotion, and thus bottling your emotions effectively bottles your magic as well, so as your emotions build to breaking point, your magic does also."

"So you're saying that my repressed emotions did this to me?" I asked him, now completely pissed at myself for being so goddamn bottled-up my entire life. All this time, I'd thought I was protecting myself by pushing everything down and away, but apparently all I was doing was gearing my body up for a massive magical explosion. Seriously…would the endless fairytale weirdness of my life never end? Fuck.

"Yes, that is precisely what I'm saying," he told me, nodding. "If harnessed correctly, magic can be a powerful and beneficial tool to have, but if repressed or if uncultivated, it can be quite dangerous. Many have died from similar situations. The magical release, fueled by your emotions, grew unstable and your body was unable to withstand it, thus resulting in the near-failure of your heart."

"And you saved me?" I asked him, still disbelieving about that portion of everything I'd heard in the hour I'd been awake.

"He did," Ruby quickly jumped in, answering for him. "After you tossed me, I called Snow but ran straight to Gold's shop, because he was the only person I could think of since your magic kept me from even touching you. He transported us back to the woods but when we got there, you were on the ground and you were talking to yourself and the magic was just coming off of you in waves. And then you just collapsed, but your magic didn't stop. Mr. Gold did some kind of spell that sent the waves back into you before freezing you in place and transporting you here."

As Ruby's words rolled around in my mind, I locked gazes with Mr. Gold and could tell that he wanted to say something, but he didn't, so I spoke instead. "Thank you," I told him, even though I still didn't understand. "I don't know why you helped me, but still…thank you."

"Contrary to popular belief, Ms. Swan," he said and his voice was softer than I'd ever heard it as his gaze never left mine, "I'm not the monster I'm often painted to be." We just stared into each other a long moment before I nodded my understanding, and then he surprised me by asking something I hadn't expected. "Would it be possible to have a word alone, Ms. Swan?"

"Uh…" I said, glancing to Snow who was subtly shaking her head no, her eyes pleading with me not to allow it. I squeezed her hand before saying, "Sure, that's fine."

"Emma, I don't think—" Snow started to say before I quickly cut her off.

"It's fine," I told her. "You and Ruby go join David and Henry for ice cream and I'll see you in a bit."

"Emma—" Snow began again, but I just shook my head and said, "Really, I'm okay. Go on."

Both she and Ruby hesitated for another minute before Snow finally sighed and led them both out of the room. As soon as they were out of sight, the door clicking closed behind them, I turned back to face Mr. Gold who was watching me curiously. I just matched his gaze and waited for him to say something, because I honestly didn't have a clue as to what was going on his head. Then again, did anyone _ever _have a clue when it came to that man? Other than Belle, pretty much everyone in Storybrooke was wary of the man and not a single person ever made an attempt to get to know him. It was actually kind of sad when you thought about it.

"Now that we're alone, Ms. Swan," he said, effectively snapping me from my thoughts, "would you care to tell me how it was that Regina was in the woods with you?"

My stomach instantly bottomed out and it felt like my heart leapt into my throat. "You could see her?!" I practically shouted before realizing where I was and dropping my voice to a whisper. His eyes glittered and it made my stomach churn as he nodded.

"Indeed."


	10. Chapter 10: The Only Explanation

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Too Late" by M83. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Ten: The Only Explanation

_"You could see her?!"_

_ "Indeed."_

"How?" I blurted before a stream of questions spilled from my lips unbidden as if my brain had suddenly just ruptured and exploded out of my mouth. "What does that mean? Is she still alive somehow?"

"Ms. Swan," I heard Gold say, but I couldn't stop the word vomit or the excitement or panic or whatever it was that was ripping through my veins in that moment.

"Would anyone else be able to see her, because Henry couldn't? Does this mean that there's a way to bring her back? OH GOD, WE CREMATED HER SO THERE'S NO BODY TO BRING HER BACK TO!"

"Ms. Swan, if I could just interject—"

"Regina is going to kill me! I mean, she _would_ kill me if she could touch me, but hell it was in her _will_ that she wanted to be cremated. I was just trying to do what she wanted! How the hell are we supposed to bring her back when there's no body? Do you know a way? Could we use magic, or would that give me another heart attack? Oh man, I am freaking the fuck out right now!"

Through the haze clouding my mind in that moment, I barely registered Gold's movement as he waved a hand through the air and, instantly, my lips snapped shut. The mumbled remains of my rant died quickly as I tried and tried to open my mouth but it was like my lips were stitched together, my jaw wired shut. That ass used magic on me!

"Might I get a word in, Ms. Swan?" Gold asked as I glared at him. I rolled my eyes and nodded. With another wave of his hand, Gold removed whatever spell he'd cast on me and my lips thankfully separated again.

"Not cool," I said after a few minutes of working my jaw to make sure everything was truly back to normal.

"You gave me no choice," Gold said, though I could see the slight smirk turning up the corners of his lips, which only had me rolling my eyes again. "Now, perhaps one question at a time would be best?"

I just stared at the man for a moment, mulling over everything in my head, because obviously, yeah, I had a LOT of questions. In the end, though, I just decided to go with the most basic question I could think of, the first one that had come to mind before…well, before I freaked out. "How can you see Regina?"

"I think the more important question here, Ms. Swan," he answered, "is how can _you_?"

"I—I don't know," I told him. "It just happened. I mean, Henry decided he wanted to move into the mansion, and when we got there, I went up to Regina's room and there she was. Henry couldn't see or hear her, but I could. I asked her how she was there, but she didn't know. She didn't even know for sure that she was dead until I told her, which sucked by the way. Oh, and she looks solid, but I can't touch her. It's like some freaky ghost shit because my hand just goes right through her."

"I see, and is she always present in the mansion when you are there?" Gold asked, nodding along as I spoke, as if he completely understood everything and all I could think was that I wished the guy would share whatever the hell it was that he understood because I didn't have a fucking clue.

"Yeah," I told him, "but only in her bedroom. She said she's been in that room since she died and can't leave, so I have no idea how she ended up in the woods with me, but she seemed just as surprised to be there as I was to see her there."

Gold was silent for a long time after that, his brow furrowed and his gaze devouring the foot of my bed. I felt completely out of the loop, so when I couldn't stand the silence any longer, I sighed heavily and spoke up again. "Is that natural? I mean, is it normal for people to hold on like that, like maybe she has unfinished business or something?"

"No," Gold said, chuckling a bit as if my question was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, which just set my fucking teeth on edge. It wasn't like I was some damn all-knowing wizard or some shit. My knowledge of and experience with magic and ghosts and all that crap was extremely limited. I think I'd proven that much when I ended up in the damn hospital.

"Well then, what the hell is it?" I snapped at him, because I was seriously getting sick of never having any answers.

"As far as I am aware, Ms. Swan, there are only three things that are capable of tethering a soul to the plane of the living."

"Plane of the living?" I repeated as a question, because well…what?

"Indeed. You see, there are several planes of existence, and the one on which we currently reside is considered the plane of the living. There is also the ghostly plane or spiritual plane as some call it, which you might better recognize as Limbo or Purgatory, as I believe it is referred to in this realm. That is the plane between life and death. It is meant to serve as a temporary comfort, a way of easing the transition from life to death, if you will. Then, of course, there are the unnatural planes, planes created by magic and meant only to trap or curse those who inhabit them. Souls or even living beings can only access these planes if sent there directly by another, and—"

"Okay, whatever," I said, putting a hand up to cut him off. "I don't need a weird sci-fi run-down from Storybrooke's resident wizard of all the strange crap that exists out there. I don't care. All I need to know is what _you _know about Regina and how the hell she is hanging on."

Gold sighed heavily, making his annoyance with my impatience extremely obvious in that moment, but honestly? I didn't give a shit. I wanted some damn straight answers without all the extra crap thrown in. It was only going to confuse the hell out of me anyway. "Very well," he said through gritted teeth and paused only a moment before he began again. "As I said, there are only three things that are capable of tethering a soul to the plane of the living, and each is magical: a curse cast upon the soul to prevent it from moving on—"

"Whoa, hold up," I said, and I actually didn't plan or _mean _to cut him off again, but I just couldn't help it. My mouth apparently had a mind of its own when my fucking head was being bombarded with a shit-storm of information, especially about all things magical, as if I didn't already have enough of a headache having just found out that I had a damn heart attack!

Gold sighed dramatically again before asking, "Yes, Ms. Swan?"

"You said a curse. That's got to be it, right? I mean, the curse that killed Regina—it must have trapped her here somehow," I said quickly, the words spewing out of me as my thoughts began to fire rapidly in my brain. My stomach lurched and before I could try and block it out, the memory of the way I'd found Regina flashed through my mind.

* * *

_After the lame congrats-you-didn't-die-in-the-enchanted-forest celebration at Granny's, something wasn't sitting right with me. I didn't like the way I'd left things with Regina, the sadness that was in her eyes as she walked away from me outside the diner. I shouldn't have told her that letting her see Henry was a bad idea. I shouldn't have said that shit. It was obvious that she was trying. I mean…we'd actually been trying to be civil with each other, on and off, of course, and she'd even invited me over to share a few dinners with her and Henry, and even when she snapped at me, she'd immediately apologized. God, why did I have to be such an idiot sometimes? _

_ The celebration didn't wind down until pretty late, and at that point, it had already been hours since Regina left. I told Snow and David to take Henry home and that I'd catch up with them because I had a few things to check on at the station, but really, I only had one thing, one person, in mind. Regina. The more I thought about her, the more my stomach twisted, and that feeling…it wasn't right. Something was seriously wrong. It wasn't something that I consciously knew. It was just a gut feeling that I had, a feeling that I couldn't ignore. _

_ As I walked to Regina's place, thoughts and images kept flashing through my mind. The way Regina had been on the ground when Snow and I climbed out of the well. The way Henry said that she saved us as if in total awe of her. The tight smile she gave me as if she was in pain and didn't want to show it. Even at the party, she seemed different. I thought maybe it was just because she was lonely. Mostly everyone ignored her the entire time she was there, and fucking Leroy wouldn't stop giving her a hard time about poison and death threats and the whole you're-the-evil-queen crap which was seriously getting old if you asked me considering the woman had actually saved my life. In fact, based on what David told me about the way Regina had helped him get in contact with Snow while we were gone and what Henry told me about how Regina had ingested a fucking curse in order to save us, I was definitely leaning more toward the possibility that all that evil everyone liked to bring up every time it was convenient, no longer existed. Because all I saw anymore when I looked at Regina was a woman who just wanted to be loved, a woman who wanted to be redeemed and forgiven…a woman I had denied that to, and in that moment, I just fucking hated myself. _

_ The more I thought about the way Regina had run out of the diner, the more unsettled I became. She had seemed impatient, nervous even…ugh, I don't freaking know! Just something wasn't right, and I really needed to find out what. So, I increased my pace and before I knew it, I was sprinting down the street._

_ When I landed on Regina's doorstep, I rang the bell and waited, but no one answered. I checked my watch and saw that it was pretty late so maybe she was just sleeping, but that feeling in my gut told me to keep trying, so I did. I rang a few more times before I resorted to banging on the door with my fist. The harder I knocked, the harder my heart pounded in my chest and tears started to build in my eyes even though I didn't really understand why I was so worked up. I just…that feeling wasn't going away. _

_ I pulled out my cell and tried calling Regina three different times while still banging on the door, but not a single attempt resulted in an answer. I was in a full-on panic now. Sweat dripped down my temples and my palms were wet. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and my chest was heaving as my breathing grew more and more shallow with every second that my knocks went unanswered. I hung up the phone after trying Regina again and quickly dialed the hospital. I told them to send an ambulance to Regina's place and before I had even ended the call, my foot was up and I was kicking the door in. _

_ As soon as the door swung open, I sprinted through the house, screaming my fucking lungs out. _

_ "REGINA?!" I called, but was met with only silence and my stomach churned so forcefully in that moment that I doubled over, nearly spilling its contents on the floor, but I quickly pulled myself together and continued my search. _

_ I ran through every fucking room in the house. Kitchen was empty. Study was empty. Living room, bathrooms, guest rooms, Henry's room—they were all empty, and that only left one room. I sprinted down the hall to Regina's bedroom, my heart like a damn machine gun—rapid fire, burning, pain—and I just wanted that feeling to go away. I hesitated right outside of Regina's door and took several, deep breaths as tears carved my cheeks, and though I'd never been religious in my entire life, I fucking prayed to every god I could think of that I was going to open that door and Regina was going to be just fine, sleeping or snapping at me to get the hell out, and I was going to realize that my fear and my panic had been foolish. _

_ I turned the knob slowly and found that it was unlocked. When I pushed the door open and stepped into Regina's room, my knees gave out and I collapsed onto the floor. Before I could even take a breath, bile shot up my throat and the bitter contents of my stomach spilled onto the floor. Great, gasping sobs escaped me as I crawled across the floor to where Regina's lifeless body lay in a crumpled heap. Her skin was paler than I'd ever seen it and tinted a sickly green color, and her limbs were entirely limp and bent at an odd angle from where she'd fallen. Her deep, chocolate eyes were open and staring into forever, but they were empty, no longer full of the secrets I'd become so accustomed to seeing there—Regina's secret pain, her secret joy, her secret worry, just her everything. Her fucking soul had always been right there in those eyes, and now…I saw nothing. _

_ I don't know why I even tried, but I just couldn't stop myself from latching onto her shoulders and shaking her senseless. "Come on, Regina," I cried, my words barely comprehensible through my sobs. "Don't do this. Come on, Regina. Please." A thousand images of Regina flashed through my mind in that moment, every encounter we'd ever had, every fight, every sarcastic quip she'd made, every flip of her hair, every fucking power suit, the way she arched her eyebrow, the way she smirked when she thought she'd won, the way she looked at Henry with such need and love….oh god, I thought. Henry. _

_ "No, no, no," I stammered out. "Regina, come on. I can't do this. I can't do this on my own. Please." I pumped at her chest and blew into her mouth, and nothing happened as I knew it wouldn't, but I didn't stop. My tears splashed down onto her lifeless face as I continued to pump at her chest and push air into her motionless lungs. I didn't stop even when I heard the sirens of the ambulance or the footsteps pounding up the stairs. I didn't stop until my father's arms wrapped around me and pulled me off of her, as he'd apparently heard the ambulance call on the police radio and come to Regina's straight away. _

_ I struggled against David's arms and cried like a fucking child as I watched them cover Regina with a sheet and carry her off on a stretcher. They'd done an emergency autopsy at the hospital on my order, but Whale had found no plausible cause to explain her death. It wasn't until Gold turned up at the hospital a few hours after that I learned that the curse Regina had absorbed into herself was actually a death curse. The entire night, Regina had been walking around with a fucking death curse coursing through her veins, slowly killing her, and yet she hadn't said a word. She'd borne the pain of it alone and in secret, and none of us even had a clue._

_ She'd knowingly sacrificed her life to redeem herself in Henry's eyes, to save Snow, her enemy, and to save me. _

_ Regina Mills wasn't evil. She was a fucking hero, and me? I was no Savior. She was._

* * *

"Not possible," I heard Gold say, effectively snapping me out of my memories, and I quickly lifted a hand to wipe my cheeks clean of the tears that had slipped from my eyes. I locked gazes with him and he offered me a small, sad smile, which I returned, even though Rumplestiltskin was the last damn person I'd ever expected to offer me any form of comfort, great or small.

"Why not?" I asked him and my voice sounded hoarse and broken.

"Regina and I created that curse together to prevent her mother from entering Storybrooke through the well," he told me. "It was specifically designed to kill any who came into contact with it, and nothing more. It certainly caused Regina's death, yes, but it wouldn't have had the power to tether her soul to this world. It _is_ the reason, however, that I can see her. I helped to create the curse that took her life, thus a part of me is tied to it, making her visible to me now. How it is that you can see her, however, is quite a mystery."

I nodded, my stomach still in knots and my thoughts a tangled mess in my head. I tried to shake away my memories, clearing my throat roughly and asking, "You said there were two other ways?"

"Indeed," Gold confirmed, nodding as he leaned heavily on his cane. "The second is a potion that separates the soul from the body; however, this option is impossible as well. That potion is meant only to be temporary, as a way of contacting someone on the ghostly plain, and the body does not die as a result. It remains in a state of hibernation much as with a Sleeping Curse."

"Okay, and the last?" I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to know the answer.

"The last is the only option I would deem possible given the circumstances," Gold explained before looking into my eyes as if he was searching for some sort of answer in them, and adding, "and that, dearie, would be the magic of True Love."


	11. Chapter 11: Tethered Souls

**A/N: Hello again, everyone. First, I would like to say congrats and kudos to my faithful reader, Velace, who was the first and only one to correctly guess how Regina died. As such, I have a little prize for you, Velace, should you choose to accept it: You may send me any prompt of your choosing for an SQ one-shot, and I will write it for you to the best of my ability, dedicate it to you, and post it within two weeks. If you choose to accept this, just PM me and let me know. If not, then kudos to you all the same.**

**Second, I wrote this chapter to two different soundtracks. "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran and "Meteor Shower" by Owl City. Both are beautiful and powerful songs, and both lend much to this chapter. Please, try them out as you read. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Eleven: Tethered Souls

My heart swelled to bursting as Gold's words washed over me. _True Love. _"So, you're saying that Regina…she's hanging on because of True Love?"

"That is precisely what I'm saying," Gold answered with a curt nod. "And considering that other than myself, you are the only one capable of seeing and interacting with her, I believe it is safe to assume that your connection to Her Majesty extends far beyond young Henry. It would explain everything, including how Regina managed to leave her room and appear in the woods. As you were most in need then, you unconsciously used your magic to summon her soul to you."

I was completely speechless. I mean, I knew that I loved Regina and part of me knew that she felt the same way even if she hadn't said it, but True Love? That was…that was so much more. It was powerful. It was magic.

Regina was my True Love. And then that word stuck heavily in my throat—_was. _Regina WAS my True Love, but she was gone. She died, and again, I was alone. What kind of sick, twisted turn of fate was that? My entire life, hell, Regina's entire life, had been utter shit—just one massive failure or heartache after another, and now this? I finally find my True Love, my chance at happiness, and it's taken from me before I even realize what it is?

Anger surged through my system, because when the hell was it going to end? When were all this pain and all this hardship in my life going to stop? Would it _ever _stop? I was so fucking sick of being lonely, being broken. I was so damn tired of watching everyone else around me be happy, be loved and accepted and a true part of something. But what really lit my blood on fire was that none of what I had been through in my life, as truly terrible as a lot of it was, came anywhere close to the difficulties of Regina's life.

This…it wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Regina was always painted as the evil one, the horrible one, the selfish one—but was she really? Yes, she did truly terrible things. Yes, she brought about much suffering and much death, and nothing could ever repair the losses or the hardships that she caused, but did anyone ever bother to try and help her? No. How many fucking times could she had been saved, could all of that evil been prevented? There were so many opportunities, so many people who could have helped her if anyone had ever just cared to try, if anyone had ever just cared about what she wanted or needed, if anyone had ever just cared to listen, if anyone had ever just…cared about her at all.

And what most people didn't realize was that Regina's entire fucking life had been about love, not hate and not evil. Everything she had ever done, whether good or evil, had been about love—embracing a love, losing a love, mourning a love, avenging a love. All of her heartache, her pain, her want, her need, her desperation, her anger, her vengeance, and even her violence had all been because of love. It was everything she had always wanted, and it was everything she had always been denied. And I was supposed to be that for her.

I was supposed to be that love that could ease her and heal her. It was supposed to me and her. We were…meant to be…It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to end this way. GODDAMNIT!

Fury spilled through my fucking veins in that moment, but then Gold said something that completely and utterly changed _everything. _

"You see, Ms. Swan, when two people share True Love, their souls become tethered to one another. They will always have a unique tension between them, a constant pull toward one another, and when one dies while the other lives, the departed soul is unable to move on until joined by the other. However, your situation is quite unique," he told me, leveling his gaze on mine.

"Unique how?" I asked.

"Well, typically, the soul of the departed remains on the ghostly plane, or Limbo, as you call it here, until such time that the other soul joins and they can move on together. Their presence is always felt by the other, but never actually seen or interacted with. It seems, though, that dear Regina's soul has somehow managed to remain on the plane of the living and is actually able to interact with you. It is entirely unprecedented, seemingly impossible, and yet, here we are. I can only assume that it is a result of your being a product of True Love, literally composed of the most powerful magic known to man."

My heart raced wildly as Gold's words spilled into me, and hope bloomed in my every cell as I whispered, "So…so I could…it's possible that I could bring her back?"

Gold frowned a bit at that and said, "I'm afraid not, Ms. Swan. Dead is dead. There's no coming back from that, dearie. It's impossible."

"But you just said that Regina's being here was impossible, too, but she is. She _is _here, so how do you know that it's impossible for me to bring her back?" I snapped out at him, my heart still hammering in my chest and my thoughts speeding through my head so rapidly that I could hardly keep up with them.

"No one has ever come back before, Ms. Swan," Gold argued gravely, "at least, not as their former selves, as Regina herself could tell you of her recently revived first love. The few that have been brought back not only had a preserved body to return to, but were nothing more than monsters upon revival. You have only ashes and even if you still had possession of the body, what you wish to happen…it cannot be done. That Regina, the one you long to revive, is gone."

"No, you're wrong," I told him, anger rising within me again. "You said it yourself. I'm literally made of the strongest magic known to man. I can bring her back. I don't know how. I haven't got a fucking clue, but I won't give up. If anyone can do this…it's me, and it's Regina. I will bring her back. I won't stop trying until I do."

A long, heavy silence thickened the air around us as we stared each other down, and after several tense minutes, Gold turned and made his way toward the door. Just as he was about to exit, his voice drifted back to me. "And you will surely fail," he said quietly, a note of finality to his voice, before leaving my hospital room, the door clicking quietly closed behind him.

* * *

A few days later, when Whale finally released me from the hospital with a strict order to take it easy for a few days and a regimen of pills for heart health or whatever, the first place I headed was the mansion. I hadn't told anyone about everything I'd discussed with Mr. Gold that day in the hospital or all that I'd learned about my connection to Regina or my plan to somehow bring her back, but I did want to tell _one _person. I needed to get to Regina. I needed to see her anyway. It was like my heart, my body, and my soul just craved her.

I had never noticed before just how drawn I always was to her, but I could see it so clearly now that everything was in the open. All the tension between us, the constancy with which we found our paths colliding, the way my heart had always sped up whenever she was around…god, it was all just so fucking clear. How the hell could I have missed it? Truthfully…I guess I just didn't want to see it before. I was too caught up, we both were, in that constant push-pull bullshit to even see what really existed between us.

Henry, David, Snow, and I walked into the mansion, and Henry, playing the role of doctor, immediately sent me to bed. I laughed at him and said I was fine, but he wasn't having any of it. Snow agreed with the kid and ushered me toward the stairs, all of them claiming they would go to Granny's or find something to occupy them for a while so that I could get some rest, and though I pretended to put up a good fight, I really just wanted to see Regina, so I had no issues with going to bed.

I hugged each of them before I headed upstairs, adrenaline already coursing through my veins at the thought of seeing Regina again. I took a deep, steadying breath just outside of Regina's room, which I guess was also my room now, before I twisted the knob and walked inside. I didn't even have to look around the room this time, because I saw her as soon I stepped through the doorway.

Regina was sitting on the bed, her back up against the headboard, her hands twisted together in her lap, and her eyes fixed on her hands. I could see that her cheeks were wet, and it only made me ache more for her. Her head shot up as I clicked the door closed behind me and a beautiful sob of relief escaped her as those gorgeous chocolate eyes reverently scanned the length of my body.

"Emma…" she whispered in awe, her mouth hanging slightly open and fresh tears slowly spilling down her cheeks. She looked just as breathtaking as ever, her hair thick and luxurious, her body in perfect shape and still clad in the clothes she'd been wearing the day she died, her lips full and supple, her eyes deep and soulful…just everything about her was as perfect as it had always been. She was beautiful.

"Regina," I whispered in return, just as reverently, our gazes fully devouring each other.

"You're alive," she said quietly, and I watched as she started to get up from the bed but I quickly raised a hand to stop her.

"Don't," I said. "Stay there." She furrowed her brows for only a second before she nodded and resettled herself where she had only just been. I slowly made my way across the room, because though I knew I wasn't as weak and fragile as everyone was acting like I was, I couldn't deny that I was exhausted and my body felt like it was made of lead. It seemed that having a heart attack made your first few days of being active afterward feel like trying to fucking swim through jello. It wasn't pleasant.

I kept my eyes locked on hers as I lowered myself onto the bed and turned to face her. Our hands unconsciously moved toward one another even though we knew we couldn't touch. It was like instinct, another thing that just seemed so precious to me now; another thing that made me ache, made me wish that I wouldn't have been so blind before.

We stared at each other for a long time, just taking each other in before I finally whispered, "Yes, I'm alive."

"It's been days," Regina said softly, her voice cracking. "I was afraid that you…" She didn't finish, and she didn't have to.

I nodded and said, "I had a heart attack." She gasped and tears filled her eyes again, but she didn't say anything, so I filled the silence. "But I learned a lot, and Regina…I think you would have known if I hadn't made it."

"What do you mean?" she asked me, moving to lie down fully so that we could rest easily together on top of the bed.

"Well, apparently there's a reason that I can see you and speak to you, that I was able to summon you to the woods when I was dying," I told her.

"That's how I got there?" she asked, her eyebrow arching as we continued to move closer to one another until we were only an inch or two apart. "You summoned me? How?"

A small smile graced my lips as I nodded and then I proceeded to tell her everything that had happened with Gold and everything he'd told me in the hospital that day. Regina's reactions throughout were beautiful, hilarious, heartwarming; she'd interjected several times with questions or just to reiterate something I'd said, but she was mostly patient. She listened to every word, drinking it all in, and by the time I finished, we both had wet cheeks.

"True Love…" she whispered so quietly that I almost didn't catch it even though I was only a few inches from her.

I tried to read her reaction, but it was difficult. She just seemed lost in her own head, but I couldn't really tell how she was feeling in that moment. Anxiety settled in my chest as my thoughts shot through my mouth before I could even think to stop myself from blurting them out. "I…I'm sorry if you're disappointed."

She looked up at me then, her brows furrowed in confusion, so I clarified. "That it's me," I explained. "I'm sorry if you're disappointed that it's me, that I'm your True Love. I know you thought it was Daniel, and I…I know I couldn't have ever replaced him in your heart. I just…I'm sorry if you're disappointed." I internally cursed at myself as I heard the tremble and crack in my voice, because I really didn't want to sound weak or desperate, but I just couldn't help it. I wanted so badly for her to be happy about the fact that it was me, even though the circumstances fucking sucked and we were technically unable to be together. I just wanted her to be happy that it was me.

Her eyes softened and warmed and a small smile graced her lips as she reached out a hand and hovered it just above my cheek, and in that moment, I wished more than anything that I could feel her hand there, warm and real and comforting. "I'm not disappointed," she whispered, and a heavy sigh of relief spilled up from my chest and I could feel my own smile forming. "I think a part of me may have already known, ever since the day you touched me and made Jefferson's hat work," she told me quietly, and I just nodded, because I had been thinking the same thing, that a part of me had known as well, long before I'd ever heard the words spoken aloud.

We laid there together for a long time after that, just staring into each other's eyes and after a while, the exhaustion that I felt in every inch of my body began to get the better of me. I could feel myself going…falling into sleep, and I tried desperately to fight it, to stay awake. My eyes fluttered and I yawned more than once, and Regina just laughed softly at me and said, "Just go to sleep, Emma."

I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in that moment with Regina forever, lost in her chocolate eyes, but I couldn't stay awake. So, finally, I sighed and confessed the fear that was eating at me in that moment. "I'm afraid that you'll be gone when I wake up."

Regina only smiled that breathtaking smile at me and whispered, "I'll be here."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

So, I let myself go, slowly drifting off into a much-needed sleep, content in knowing that Regina would be with me, that she was going to stay there with me. It was the most relief I'd felt in a long time. As my eyes closed and I reached for sleep, I heard Regina's voice whisper to me through the haze of slumber already clouding my mind.

"I wish I could touch you," she said, her voice so full of yearning. She didn't think I'd heard her, so I could practically feel her surprise when I softly replied without opening my eyes, "You will."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you will," I told her, my eyes still closed and my breathing still deep as if my body had already completely resigned itself to sleep. "I'm going to bring you back."

The last thing I heard was her gentle gasp before the darkness took me, and I rested peacefully for the first time in what felt like years.


	12. Chapter 12: Soon

**A/N: Hello everyone! I just wanted to give you a bit of a heads-up that beginning with this chapter, we are going to start jumping time, some small increments and some larger ones. This will be an evolution of time passing as Emma searches for a way to revive Regina. Each time jump will be clearly separated by a division line. **

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Thru the Window of My Mind" by Beth Hart. Try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twelve: Soon

When we talked about it some more the next day, Regina didn't seem too optimistic about my plan to find a way to bring her back, not that I could blame her really. She didn't want to get her hopes up. I could see it in her eyes. She reiterated Gold's words countless times, that it couldn't be done, but my mind was made up. And anyone who knew me, especially Regina, could tell you that once my mind was made up about something, there was no talking me out of it. I was stubborn to an extreme, and yeah that stubbornness had gotten me into some messes before in life, but it was also part of what made me such a good bounty hunter and a good cop. If I wanted something badly enough, and I wanted _this_ more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life, I would find a way.

I argued my case a thousand times, but Regina…she had a damn argument for everything, too.

"Seriously, Regina," I sighed, rolling my eyes as I sat next to her on her bed, "you're killing my buzz here. A little excitement, a little optimism…too much to ask?"

"I'm sorry, dear, but it can't be done," she said, shaking her head and staring at her hand which was resting next to mine like air…untouchable.

"You don't know that," I told her.

"I do, Emma," she argued. "Victor dedicated his entire life to reviving the dead, and he was never able to accomplish it. An animated body does not make a life. The people he revived…they were monsters. Emma, you didn't see Daniel. He was terrifying, and he was in so much pain. I…"

"Well, I'm not Whale, Regina, and you…you aren't Daniel," I said, trying to sound as respectful as I could but I was seriously getting frustrated. "You're _here_, Regina. Gold said that that was impossible, and yet here you are. That's got to count for something, right? I mean…everything happens for a reason, right? Isn't that what everyone always insists on saying?"

"Yes, dear, and that would mean that I _died _for a reason," she argued with me again.

My stubbornness kicked in again and I said, "Well, how do you know that the reason wasn't so that you and I would get our damn heads out of our asses? I mean…how long would we have kept arguing ourselves in circles and never seeing what existed between us? Maybe we needed this kind of serious reality check to wake us up. It sure as hell woke me up."

My voice cracked on those last words, and I really didn't want to cry in front of Regina again, but I couldn't stop myself. "I can't keep living after knowing all of this…I can't just go on living without _you_. Don't you get that? Why shouldn't I get a chance to love? Why shouldn't you? It's not fucking fair, and I don't accept it!"

"Emma…"

"NO!" I shouted, jumping up from the bed even though my body screamed its resistance, still exhausted from everything that had happened in the woods. "It's us, Regina. It's you and it's me, and we're different. We're special. And this? This is our _only _chance. I _will _make this happen whether you agree to help me or not, whether you want to believe I can do it or not. I'm doing it."

I was full-on sobbing at that point, and I could see the pain in Regina's eyes as those deep, chocolate pools watched me pace around the bedroom. "Okay, Emma…" she said after a long time, her own voice gravelly with her sorrow. "Okay…I'll help you. What can I do?"

My heart exploded as soon as I heard those words escape her lips, and I couldn't help but turn back to her. I knew in that moment that my eyes had to be so full of love and hope as I looked at her, because it was all I could feel. We stared at each other for a long time, just breathing each other in, before I finally swallowed the lump in my throat, nodded, and said, "Teach me how to use my magic."

She sighed heavily but just nodded her agreement. We were doing this. We were really doing this.

* * *

"I fucking hate magic," I growled out as I tried again to conjure an apple and failed _again. _

"I'm starting to believe that magic doesn't much care for you either, dear," Regina said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes as I threw my own adult version of a toddler-style tantrum.

It had been a little over a week since Regina had agreed to help me with my magic, and I quickly realized that my utter impatience was a serious downfall when it came to practicing magic. We could only practice when I wasn't at work or with Henry, so mainly just during the evenings after he'd gone to bed or on the weekends when he went out to the stables with David. If I could have, though, I would have been practicing every second with Regina, because the more I learned, the better chance I had of saving her; at least, that's what I told myself.

In ten days, I'd managed to light a few candles, open and close some doors with the flick of my hand, and turn on the faucets without touching them. I didn't understand what the hell any of that crap had to do with saving Regina or how it was going to help me at all, which of course I voiced to Regina a million times over, but she would just shake her head and snap at me that practicing magic was all about discipline. If I could learn to discipline my emotions as well as my mind, then I could bend my magic perfectly to my will. It was proving much, much harder than I ever expected it to be. I mean, come on…I was supposedly _made _of magic. It shouldn't be so damn hard.

"I don't even want a damn apple," I exclaimed, frustrated, "so why the hell am I trying to conjure one? I don't think an apple is going to save your life any time soon."

"It won't," Regina said, still laughing at me, which in my frustrated state of mind, only set my teeth on edge. "I've told you, Emma. Magic is about discipline. You have to be able to command it in order to have it truly bend to your will."

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Let's just get on with it." I shook out my limbs, cracked my neck to both sides, and took a deep, steadying breath.

Regina laughed even harder at me as she watched me get ready, and said, "You're not going into a battle arena, dear. It's just an apple."

"Easy for you to say," I growled out, glaring at her. "We've been at this for an hour. If I ever do manage to conjure this freaking apple, I'm going to take great pleasure in kicking its fruity little ass."

She snorted at that and rolled her eyes. Fuck, she was adorable. I just stuck my tongue out at her like a child and did my best to clear my mind, closing my eyes and holding my hand out in front of me.

"Picture the apple clearly in your mind, only the apple and nothing else," Regina said softly, her voice like silk and satin and fucking sex. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate with a voice like that right in my ear? Stupid magic lessons.

I took another deep breath and pictured a bright red apple in my mind, doing my best to focus only on the fruit and nothing else. Everything in my head faded to black except for the picture of the apple.

"Do you see it?" Regina asked me. I nodded in answer, the apple still bright as day in my mind. "Good, now will it into existence. Picture the apple in your hand and then will your magic to place it there."

I tried not to be pessimistic, but damn…it's not like this shit was actually going to happen. I'd failed about fifty times already. Still, I let Regina's words fill me up and I pictured the apple clearly falling into my hand, and to my great and utter surprise, I felt a familiar buzzing in my veins. It was my magic. I knew that much from the times that I had managed to light the candles and turn on the faucets. It was happening.

Just seconds later, I heard Regina gasp, but then that short gasp was quickly followed by loud, raucous laughter. What the hell? I opened my eyes and immediately turned to Regina. She was doubled over laughing, and it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard, but I seriously didn't understand what was so funny; at least, I didn't until I looked down at my open palm.

There, in my hand, was what had to be the world's tiniest apple. Seriously…that apple could easily get an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records. It was bright red and shiny like the apple in my mind had been, but it was also only the size of a quarter; so small that it felt weightless in my hand.

Seriously?...No, _seriously?! _All that effort and that's what I get? An apple the size of quarter? It wasn't even bite-size unless the one doing the biting was a fucking mouse or something smaller. How the hell does that even happen?

Regina was still laughing, and though I rolled my eyes and tried to be angry, I couldn't be. She just looked and sounded so beautiful in that moment, so carefree…it was almost like she was alive again, only much happier than I'd ever seen her when she was alive. I let my heart swell with that thought and decided to play with her. I chunked the apple at her, and of course it flew right by her and hit the wall.

"There!" I snapped. "There's your damn apple!"

She still didn't stop laughing as I walked over and bent to pick up the tiny apple and held it up to the light. I glared at her playfully as we both looked it over. She smiled beautifully at me then and teased, "Oh, come now, dear, it's quite cute."

"Cute?" I asked, making a show of dropping my jaw in mock surprise. "Did you just say _cute_? How very Evil Queen of you, Regina."

She only rolled her eyes at me before laughing some more as I brought the world's tiniest apple up to my lips and somehow managed to sink at least a single tooth into it. A tiny burst of juice shot into my mouth, and I hummed in delight. "At least it's delicious," I joked before chunking it at her again.

* * *

It had been close to two months since my epic magic overload and subsequent heart attack, and though I wasn't any closer to finding a way to bring Regina back, I was becoming rather adept with my magic. In only two months, Regina had me doing all sorts of neat tricks, conjuring everything from apples (yes, actual, life-size apples) and other fruits to paper and pens, staplers, and hole-punchers to way cooler shit like fireballs. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty badass, but all I really cared about was figuring out a way to use my magic to save the woman I loved. I hadn't lost my focus, and I didn't intend to. Regina was it for me, and I would bring her back no matter how long it took.

Henry was doing a lot better. The dark circles that had been a constant under his eyes had greatly faded and he was finally sleeping through the night without nightmares. He was eating well again, too, and starting to talk more. He still didn't seem like his old self, still sullen and less active, but that was understandable. He was definitely improving, though, which made me happier than I could even express. The weekend trips to the stables with David really seemed to help him a lot. I think having something to focus on—caring for the horses and learning to ride—helped him to hang onto Regina in a healthy way while also being distracted enough to not be consumed by the loss. He was starting to smile again…not often, but still, it was something.

Snow seemed to be doing better, too. I'd told her that I was learning how to do magic, learning how to control it. I didn't tell her the real reason behind it, just that I didn't want another incident like what had happened in the woods to happen again, which she seemed happy and accepting about. I also didn't tell her who was teaching me, because I didn't want her to freak out or think that I'd lost my mind; so, I just told her that I was practicing on my own. She seemed a little wary about that at first, but I told her I was being careful and not overdoing it, and that seemed to make her feel a bit better. She would even go out to the beach with me sometimes when I practiced on my own, and I wasn't really surprised to learn that she was quite the cheerleader. I mean, she was Snow White after all, and a teacher, _and _my mother—so yeah…she easily evolved into my biggest fan, cheering heartily every time I conjured something successfully for her or made all the streetlamps on the dock light up or extinguish; just little things like that, but she cheered me on all the same. It was a good feeling.

I didn't tell her that I'd moved on to bigger things, because I didn't want to show her until I knew for sure that I could do it with no problems, but Regina had been teaching me to transport myself from place to place. I'd managed to do it a few times in the first week, but only from room to room in the mansion, and whoa…it was a total head rush.

The first few times that I'd done it, I almost instantly threw up afterwards. It was like being on a supernatural carnival ride, complete with dizziness, nausea, and that fucked-up balance thing that always happened afterwards where you felt like your legs didn't work right anymore; like the world was still spinning and you were just trying to stand still on top of it. Yeah…it was intense, and a serious pain in my ass, but after a while, it just became like second nature. In fact, once I got used to it, it was like an upgrade from a lame carnival ride to a full-on roller coaster—one that I never wanted to get off.

The first time that I managed to successfully transport myself from the police station to the mansion, appearing in a swirl of white smoke in Regina's bedroom (the one we now shared), Regina nearly squealed like a child. I almost choked I was so surprised by that reaction, because well…it was Regina. She was always a perfect picture of poise—always professional, always collected, and rarely, if ever, overcome with excitement or surprise. It was like Christmas had come early for me that day to see the way her face lit up into the most beautiful smile.

She had clapped her hands together and told me that she was proud of me. That had really gotten to me…those words. I don't think I'd ever felt fuller, more swollen with joy and pride than I had in that moment, knowing that she was proud of me. I would have given anything then to have been able to hug her, kiss her…just touch her…anything. I would have given anything.

She must have seen the sorrow in my eyes whenever the reminder that I couldn't had seeped into my brain that day, because she just smiled sadly and whispered, "Soon, Emma."

It was the first time that she had ever expressed any kind of belief that we could actually do this, that I might actually be able to bring her back, and it instantly ignited something in me. I'm not sure what it was, but my determination only deepened because of it.

This _was _going to happen. I would make sure of it.

I smiled brightly at her, wiping quickly at my cheeks where a few tears had fallen, and whispered back to her. "Soon."


	13. Chapter 13: Never Stop Trying

**A/N: Hello again, everyone. Just wanted to let you all know that the one-shot won by my reader, Velace, is up and published for any of you who might like to check it out. It's entitled The Power of Seclusion. **

**Now, about this chapter: It is heavy in the extreme, and honestly, I think it is one of the most powerful chapters I have ever written. I hope that it will speak to all of you and touch your hearts as it touched mine while writing.**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Never Stop (Wedding Version)" by SafetySuit. It really intensifies the content and effect of this chapter, so I hope you all will try it out. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Thirteen: Never Stop Trying

Three months since my heart attack and still I was no closer to the answers I needed, no closer to bringing Regina back to me, back to Henry. It was maddening, but I wasn't about to give in. I wasn't going to give up, not for anything or anyone. I think the people around town began to notice a change in me as I started going to the station less and less. I stopped going to Granny's, too, and instead, I found myself practically living in the woods and on the beach, practicing my magic as often as I could.

I needed to get better. I needed to _be _better. I needed to be more, because I _needed _Regina. I needed her with me. I couldn't stand this constant fucking separation between us. I couldn't stand being able to see her and hear her and even smell her somehow, but not touch her. I couldn't fucking _touch _her. I couldn't hold her. I couldn't kiss her. I couldn't run my fingers through her hair. I couldn't wipe her tears away. I couldn't feel her breath against my cheek.

I couldn't…I couldn't keep doing this. I needed more. I fucking _deserved _so much more than this curse of having Regina but being unable to truly, fully _have _her. I deserved more, and so did she. I simply had to find a way, and I didn't care how much of me I had to sacrifice in order to do it. I would give up all my time if that's what it took. I didn't care.

They started to seek me out every now and then—Ruby, Granny, my parents, Henry—all trying to get me to talk about whatever it was that was bothering me, that was always pulling me away, but I couldn't. I kept it inside, because I couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell anyone. It was my secret to bear alone, and though at times it truly felt unbearable, I continued to carry the weight of it. I had to.

I just…I had to.

Snow continued to accompany me to the beach and to the woods, watching me practice, praising me as I advanced in my magic, but I could tell that she was worried. She would try and push me to open up here and there, but I would just shut her down and keep on with my magic.

I could transport easily now from place to place. I could summon fireballs and conjure anything I could think of. I could affect the weather. I could move the earth. I was a fucking livewire of magic, a powerhouse in my own right, and yet nothing…FUCKING NOTHING brought me closer to Regina. None of it mattered, because none of it helped me to have her, to bring her back.

I hadn't found it yet, but there had to be a way. There just had to be.

I wouldn't accept anything less.

* * *

The best accomplishment I had managed to make was learning to summon Regina freely as I had done in the woods that day during my magical breakdown. It had been an accident that day, and though it took much time and much effort, I finally taught myself to do it at will.

It took a lot of magic, more than felt natural and so much sometimes that it was painful, but I kept doing it. I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't help it. I wanted Regina with me everywhere I went. I would call her to me, reaching out through whatever invisible film separated her world from mine and using my magic to pull her to me. She tried to get me to stop at first when she saw the toll it took on me to do so, the exhaustion and the shortness of breath, but I refused to quit.

If I couldn't touch her, if I couldn't have her in every way that I wanted, then I sure as hell was going to do everything I could in order to spend as much time with her as possible. It didn't matter how much it ran me down. I didn't care. I would summon her to me in the woods or in the cemetery so that we could walk together, so that we could escape the confines of our shared bedroom and actually share the sunlight together. She couldn't feel it…couldn't feel the heat on her skin or the chill in the air as the seasons began to change, but I could see in her eyes that she remembered.

She would close her eyes sometimes and raise her arms out to her sides, and in those moments, I would swear that she could feel the wind, that she could touch the earth. I would swear that she could smell the season, that she could drown beautifully in the rain beside me. I would swear that she could feel every moment, but she couldn't. I would turn to her as the breeze rocked through me, as the cold pricked at my skin, as the rain melted into my flesh, just to smile at her, just to show her that I was happy to share it with her; but she was never looking back at me. Her eyes were closed and tears tracked her cheeks, because she couldn't actually share it with me, not in the way she wanted and not in the way that we needed.

"You're beautiful, you know?" I would tell her, and she would never open her eyes, but she would smile. She would smile softly, and it always made my heart ache and swell at the same time.

It was true. Regina was the most beautiful, most precious thing I had ever seen and she constantly took my breath away, but she wasn't real anymore. She was a memory, a memory that filled my every cell; a memory that raced in my veins; a memory that beat in my chest; a memory that haunted my dreams; a memory that I fell asleep with and woke up with; a memory that I shared my secrets with; a memory that I stayed up late with, talking about anything and everything; a memory that completed me; a memory that changed my life.

_She_ changed my life, and I couldn't let her go. I wouldn't.

* * *

Six months had flown by and finding answers, finding a way—it consumed me entirely. I could think of nothing else. It became my entire life, devouring every breath, every thought, every emotion…_everything. _I couldn't sleep. I could hardly eat. It had been too long. It was taking too much fucking time, and my patience was running thin.

David had taken over at the station because I'd abandoned my job. I rarely even saw Henry anymore, because I couldn't stand to see the sadness in his eyes when I knew that if I could just bring Regina back, if I could just give him his mother, then that sadness would dissipate and be replaced with joy. I never even realized that that sadness in his eyes wasn't because of Regina, but because of me, because I was lost. I was gone. I was nothing more than a woman obsessed.

My heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding with every passing second as I spent entire nights and early mornings in the library, crashing through every book Belle could find on magic, every book she could find on death, every book she could find on the different planes of existence (particularly the ghostly plain), every book she could find on True Love and it's capabilities, every book she could find on ghosts and spirits, and every book she could find on magical resurrection. I found nothing; nothing to help me, nothing to show me what to do or how to fix this…this…this fucking nightmare.

I summoned Regina to my side every night that I spent staring at pages through bloodshot eyes. She would sit beside me in silence, her eyes sad and her hands wringing loosely together in her lap. She didn't talk much anymore. She didn't talk because I wouldn't listen. She had tried for a long time, tried to get me to stop, tried to get me to wake up and realize that I was never going to find a way, that it was impossible, that it was time for us to just give up.

"Let go of me, Emma," she would whisper as the nights grew long and restless. "I hate seeing you this way. Let go of me."

But I wouldn't hear it. I wouldn't give up, and so after a while, she just stopped trying. She stopped talking.

But she stayed with me, because there was nowhere else for her to go. She was tied to me as I was tied to her. I knew that if she could leave me, she would. I knew that if she could move on and help me to move on as well, she would. She would sacrifice her ability to cling to life in order to let me live, to help me to let go of this madness and try to live fully again. But she couldn't, and I didn't want her to.

I had fallen so deeply for her that I couldn't separate myself from her. I couldn't accept the clear boundary that constantly existed between us. I would gladly take this life of obsession, this life of addiction, this life of fucking endless disappointment and despair if it meant keeping her beside me, with me. I would give it all up for another day with her, another minute, and I had. I truly had given up everything for this, for this mission.

I'd lost my job. I'd lost my friendships. I'd lost my health, and I'd lost my son, and still I kept on. It became all that I knew, as always, _always_, I felt like I was just on the precipice of something more. I felt like I was always just a breath away from the answers I so desperately needed, and so I dug myself in deeper each day. I buried myself beneath the weight of books and a hope that felt so fucking painful I could hardly breathe beneath it. And that pain…I thrived on it. I drowned in it. I clung to it so desperately that I could feel it in every part of me, and still I reached for more.

Nothing else mattered anymore.

* * *

The slamming of a book on the table snapped me from the trance I'd fallen into as I stared at yet another pointless page, the tiny text blurring together and becoming nothing more than a black and white blob that meant nothing to me. My head snapped up to see my mother, tears in her eyes and jaw set rigidly as she stared at me. We locked gazes for only a moment before she was snapping at me.

"Emma, you have to stop this!" Snow barked out at me.

"Stop what?" I asked even though I knew exactly what she meant.

"THIS! THIS! ALL OF THIS!" she shouted, motioning to the pile of books around me and to me in general. "When was the last time you even left this library? Do you even know what day it is? What month? Emma, what the hell is wrong with you? I don't even recognize you anymore. Who are you? _Where are you? _Because you certainly aren't here anymore. You're gone. You're lost, and I want to help you."

Her voice cracked horribly with those words, but she kept on, tears now flooding down her cheeks. "I want to help you, honey. I want to make you better, but I don't know how. I don't know what's wrong with you. I don't know what to do or what to say or how to make it better, so please, Emma, please…tell me. Tell me how to help you. Tell me how to fix whatever it is that has you so lost and so broken, and I swear I will do it. I will do anything. Please, just tell me what to do, Emma. I'm begging you."

I didn't cry for her or with her. I couldn't. I'd cried myself empty a long time ago, and my heart…it was dry. It was ash. It was gone. "You can't help me," I whispered to her, not even bothering to meet her gaze. I didn't try to comfort her, because I didn't care. As far as I was concerned, there was no such thing as comfort anymore. There was no such thing as help. There was no such thing as "better." Nothing ever got better anymore; nothing had in so long.

"Why?" she pleaded with me. "Tell me why. Tell me what this is about, please. Why can't you just talk to me, Emma? You're my daughter and you're falling apart right in front of my eyes, and you won't even let me help you. You won't let me in. Let me in, Emma, please."

"I can't. It wouldn't matter. It wouldn't change anything," I told her plainly, my voice scratchy from lack of sleep and lack of hydration and lack of…living.

"How do you know, honey? How do you know that I won't be able to help you?"

Her voice was an annoyance now, itching at my skin and clawing at my ears. I just wanted her to go away so that I could go back to my obsession, back to my books, back to my life of endlessly searching for answers that a part of me was terrified had never and would never exist.

I glanced to my right as I heard another sniffling and saw that Regina was still with me. She was standing just off to the side, partially hidden by a towering bookshelf. I could hear her crying and could just barely see the tears marring her cheeks as she listened to Snow plead with me, listened to me shut my own mother down, refusing any offer of help. Snow couldn't see her, and it only hardened me further. It only solidified my pain.

"How do you know, Emma? How do you know that it won't change anything?" Snow repeated herself, stomping her foot and slamming a hand down on the table in front of me. "TELL ME!"

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!" I screamed at her, launching to my feet as I grabbed onto the edge of the table and flipped it over in my rage, pushed to my final breaking point. Snow jumped out of the way of the table as books flew forward and crashed to the floor. Her eyes were wide and her tears were endless, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Emma…please," I heard Regina cry, but her voice was muffled and distant as all I could truly hear in that moment was the blood rushing to my brain, whooshing in my ears as my pulse pounded frantically in my head.

"You don't know what it's like to be missing a part of yourself, to be missing half of yourself. You don't know what it's like to feel this pain, this fucking ache that won't stop. Don't you get it? I can't leave this library. I can't get out of my head. I can't escape this," I yelled at my mother and watched as a hand shot to her chest, clutching at her heart as her despair doubled at my words.

"Escape what, honey? Tell me. Please, just talk to me!" Snow continued to plead.

So I did. I did talk to her, or rather, I screamed at her. I spilled everything. I told her everything that had happened, about Gold and about Regina and about how I had to do anything and everything I could to bring her back, because I couldn't live without her. Because I deserved a chance to love. I deserved what she had, what she had with my dad. I deserved it, and I wanted it, and I needed it. I told her that Regina was right there with us, right there in the room, and I watched as her eyes darted quickly around, though of course they saw nothing other than the endless rows of books that filled the library. I told her that all that magic, all that practice she'd cheered on was to save Regina, to save my one and only True Love.

I'd expected her to be shocked, to be terrified, to think that I'd lost my mind or worse, but she surprised me. Her eyes were sad and tears continued to track her cheeks, her breaths coming in short gasps, but she didn't look shocked. She looked, instead, as if she'd known, as if she'd expected as much. I could almost feel her heartache as she stared into me. It was nearly as tangible as my own in that moment.

"Regina was your True Love," she said, a statement, not a question, and it fucking set my teeth on edge.

"IS!" I shouted at her. "Not _was_. Regina IS my True Love."

"Emma…" Snow began, but I quickly cut her off.

"You see? You don't get it. You can never get it. You can't understand," I snapped.

"I can," she cried. "I can understand. When we were cursed, I felt so drawn to your father, but I couldn't be with him. I was missing a part of myself, and I was missing the half of myself that he filled. So, I do get it, Emma. I do understand."

"No, you don't!" I shouted at her again. "It's not the same. You could still have him then. Don't you see that? You could touch him. You could hold him. You could kiss him. You could…you could…and I can't. I can't, Mom. I can't…"

I completely broke down then, shattering and dissolving into a puddle on the library floor. She followed me down, pulling me into her arms as my body shuddered violently against her and she wept as she held me. "I can't touch her, Mom. I can't…I can _see_ her. I see her every day, every minute. I can hear her, and I can laugh with her, and I can cry with her, but I can't have her. I can't touch her, and I can't hold her, and that's all I want. I want to touch her. I want to feel her skin against mine. I want to _feel her_, and I can't. I can't. I can't breathe, and I can't eat, and I can't sleep, and I can't feel anything but this pain. It never stops, and I can't escape it. Don't you get it? I can't escape it. I FUCKING CAN'T!"

"Oh honey…" Snow whispered, her voice as broken as I felt. She ran her hands through my hair and stroked my back, but I felt nothing. I was numb. "Emma, listen to me," She started, but I knew what was coming. I pushed her away from me and jumped to my feet again, growling out at her.

"No! No, don't. Don't tell me it's pointless. Don't tell me I can't do it. Don't say any of that shit, because I won't hear it. I don't want to hear it. I can do this. I _will _do this. And if you want to fix me so much, then grab a book and _help me_. HELP ME, or just get the hell out, because I don't need you. I don't need you here telling me that I can't bring her back, because I will. So, either help me or just let me go, because I won't stop trying. I'll never stop."

Snow slowly climbed to her feet, her hands out in a placating manner as she moved toward me again. I don't think I'd ever seen her cry so heavily, seen her look so terribly hopeless and heartbroken, and though I knew it was because of me, I couldn't let it touch me. I couldn't let it get under my skin, because I needed to stay focused on Regina. I had to.

"Emma, look at yourself," she said quietly before she surprised me by quickly grabbing onto my elbow and dragging me against my will to the abandoned service desk at the front of the library. She jerked me behind the desk and turned me toward the large rectangular mirror hanging on the wall there. "Look at yourself!"

I did. I stared into my reflection and it only made me ache further, harder, deeper. My skin was pale and sallow, and it sagged a bit from the weight I'd lost. Heavy, dark bags hung under my bloodshot eyes and my hair had lost its glow. It hung lifelessly around my shoulders, reminding me of how I felt…limp…dirty…dead.

I could see Regina in my reflection as well. She stood behind me, on the opposite side of Snow. Her eyes were sad and her cheeks were wet and though she didn't say anything, I could tell that she wanted to. She wanted to help me. She wanted to reprimand me. She wanted to…I didn't even know anymore, and I wasn't sure if Regina really knew either. She just looked so hurt, so broken over seeing me this way, and I couldn't blame her, but what could I do?

Was I just supposed to give up and try to live my life without her?

Out of the fucking question.

"Do you see what you're doing to yourself?" Snow asked, still crying. "Emma, you haven't seen Henry in weeks, and he doesn't even _want_ to see you, because it hurts him. It hurts him to see you this way. Look! Look at yourself. You're killing yourself, Emma. If you don't stop this, you will die."

"I don't care," I told her, my voice a gravelly, cracked whisper. "I don't care if I die. I _want _to. If I can't bring her back, then I want to die. I want to die so I can be with her."

I heard a strangled sob rip up from Regina's throat and I locked eyes with her in the mirror. "Please, Emma…don't say that. Don't do this to yourself," she cried, pleading with me.

I smiled sadly at her and shrugged my shoulders as I told her, "It's true, Regina. I'd rather be dead and with you than alive and without you." I heard Snow's gasp as she realized that I was actually looking at Regina, a woman that she herself couldn't see, and was talking to her as if she was right there in the room with us, because she was. Snow couldn't see her and couldn't hear her, but she _was _there. She was always there. "I love you," I whispered as I stared into those tearful chocolate eyes that had always and would always make my heart race.

"I love you, too," she whispered in return, and it only made my heart race harder even though all I really felt was pain. Everything hurt. It always hurt. It never stopped hurting.

I turned away from the mirror then and slowly made my way back over to the table I'd tossed to the floor. I picked it up and sat back down in my chair just as Snow appeared beside me again and asked, "What about Henry? What about your son?"

I sighed heavily and ran a shaky hand over my face. "What about him? He doesn't need me anymore, not like this. He needed Regina, and I can't be her. I can't do anything for him. I can't _be _anything for him, because I can't even breathe, Snow. How do you expect me to take care of him when I can't even take care of myself anymore? I can't. He's better off."

"So, that's it? You're just giving up?" she cried as she reached forward and clutched at my hand.

"No, I'm not giving up," I told her honestly as I wiped at my own cheeks to clean away the tears I'd cried. "I told you…I can't give up. I'll never give up. So, like I said…either help me or get out. Just go away, because nothing you say to me will change anything now."

She sat there for a long time just staring at me. I could feel her eyes on me even as I dove back into the endless books I'd restacked in front of me, and I wondered how long she'd stare at me, crying that way, before she'd give up and leave. But she didn't. She didn't give up, and she didn't leave.

Instead, she reached out a shaky hand and pulled the nearest book toward her. She opened it and began reading, her hand finding mine on the table and lacing our fingers together. Her tears splashed down onto the pages of the book, blurring atop the ink, but she just kept reading. And so did I.


	14. Chapter 14: To Love You Well

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle. Give it a shot. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Fourteen: To Love You Well

"Emma…"

I kept my eyes closed tightly and focused on maintaining a deep, steady pattern of breathing as I heard Regina whisper to me, because I knew that she would stop talking if she knew I was awake. So, I pretended to still be asleep. I'd done that a lot lately, not only because I simply had trouble sleeping, but because of her.

It all started about a month or a month and a half after my heart attack, when Regina was teaching me how to use my magic. I had been asleep and had woken up at the sound of her voice, but before I ever opened my eyes, I'd realized that she was talking to me. She was telling me things that I knew she would never say if I was awake, at least not while we were separated this way. She knew that it would only fuel my obsession over bringing her back. So, I kept my eyes shut and listened as I let her talk.

She showed me her heart only in the moments when she thought I wasn't looking, when she thought I wasn't listening, and I accepted that. I loved her all the more for it.

That first night was the first time she'd ever said she loved me. I felt those words in every part of me even though I couldn't tell her that I'd heard them. It wasn't long, though, before she finally said it to me while I was visibly awake, and it had meant just as much to me then as the first time.

She'd said a lot of things over the past months when she thought I was sleeping. She'd talk about anything and everything, but mostly the heavy stuff, the stuff that no one ever liked to get into out loud. She told me about her fears—her fear of how her death had affected and would continue to affect Henry, how she worried that we'd never find a way to bring her back, how she was afraid to move on, if she was even able to, because she didn't want to let go of me or of Henry, how she was terrified of what would happen if or when she did move on, where she would go, what would be there, and whether or not she and I would be together when it happened.

She told me about her hopes—that I could be happy without her if we weren't successful, that I could find somebody to love, that Henry would grow up to be headstrong like me and commanding and cunning like her, that he would always be loved and protected and that he wouldn't be bitter the way she had been for so long, and that though so many despised her, she hoped that she would be remembered for more than just the terrible things she'd done.

But mostly…mostly, she apologized. She whispered apologies to me in the still of the night, apologies and wishes, and those were the confessions that most affected me. Those were the confessions that most broke my heart, that most drove me forward with my mission, that most furthered my resolve. She apologized for all the times we'd fought, for the times she'd pushed me away, for the cruel things she'd said to me and about me, for the times she'd tried to keep Henry from me, for Graham, for framing my mother, but most of all, she apologized for the time we'd wasted hating each other.

And her wishes…they were the most heartbreaking, the most devastating, of all. She wished that she would have seen me more, seen me _better_, more clearly, and not been so clouded by her fear and her anger. She wished that she would have told me so many things—that she respected me, that she cared about me even when she was cruel, that she was proud of the traits Henry had inherited from me, that she appreciated the times I'd saved her life from the mob and from the wraith, and the times I stood up for her even to my own parents. She wished she would have touched me more. She wished she would have just let herself love me. She wished she would have kissed me. She wished she would have just been honest with Henry from the beginning rather than driving him away. She wished she could have had more time, that _we _could have had more time together, and that she could have had the chance to love me and to be loved by me.

Those confessions, all whispered in the dark like timid secrets, meant more to me than words could ever say. They became my heart and soul, a living part of me that gave me strength and gave me faith and gave me the courage to carry on even when I felt so hopeless. I was a mess, true, but I hadn't given up, and I wasn't going to.

So, yeah…I pretended to be asleep, because when Regina opened her heart to me like that in those quiet moments, it was beautiful. It was riveting. It was…_everything._

I heard her release a slow, shaky sigh, convinced by my silence that I was truly asleep, before she spoke to me again. "I wouldn't blame you if you failed, you know," she whispered, and I felt my heart fucking crack open even as I lay there silently, pretending, my head buried in my arms atop a cold table in the library and my mother asleep in the chair beside me. She'd been there with me just over twelve hours, and at some point we'd fallen asleep, but Regina's voice had woken me as it always did. It was like I could hear her in my fucking soul, and nothing about that could be ignored, not that I'd ever want it to be.

"I wouldn't hate you, and I wouldn't be disappointed," she continued, and I could hear the gentle breaks in her voice signifying that she was crying. "No one has ever fought for me this way, so fiercely, so passionately. Only you. And Emma…I love you for it. I love you more than I ever thought possible and I'm so terribly sorry that I failed to realized it until it was too late, but I wish you would stop this. I wish you could let me go. I wish you could move on."

She was silent a long time, so long that I assumed she had nothing more to say and I nearly pulled my head from my arms to face her, but just as I was about to stir, she spoke again, her voice even more ragged than before. "I wish…I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself for me. I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself for me. To watch you suffer this way, Emma…it's the worst curse imaginable."

God, my fucking heart was shattered, my soul shredded, and I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to make her understand that I couldn't stop. I couldn't let go. I couldn't _not _do this, all of this, because losing her, losing my True Love…_that, _to me, was the worst curse imaginable. It seemed like no one could really understand. Did they, Regina and Snow, really expect me to try and live out the rest of my life knowing that Regina couldn't even move on until I went with her, that she would be stuck on this plane where I would be made to see her and speak with her every day but never have her? Did they really expect me to be okay with that, to be able to withstand that kind of torture for another fifty, sixty, seventy years? And Regina? What about her? Was it okay to let her suffer that way as well? Hell no. It wasn't right. How could either of them expect me to be okay with that, let alone ask me to be?

"When you were in the Enchanted Forest," she said softly, "I told Henry that I didn't know how to love very well, but I think I could have been better with you, Emma. I think we could have been better together, could have learned from one another. I think…I think I could have loved you well. I _would_ have loved you well. But I believe, truly, that I will never have that chance, that there is no way for us. There is no solution. So, please, Emma…_please_, stop this."

She took another heavy breath and a soft, aching whimper emanated from her throat as she exhaled slowly and whispered, "I wish you would stop this."

She grew silent after that but I didn't move. I didn't stir. I didn't let her know that I'd heard every word. I didn't even open my eyes. I just laid there, head still buried in my arms, and let my tears fall quietly to the table as my heart continued to break and my hope died just a little more.

And all I could think in that moment was that even though I was damaged, I believed I, too, would have loved her well.

* * *

A week later and my hope had only further dwindled. It literally felt like I had been through every damn book in that library, and still, nothing. Snow had been in and out all week, mostly in the evenings or on her lunch breaks from the school, and I loved her for it. She had continued to help me, searching through endless stacks of books by my side, and not once did she tell me to stop or voice again that she thought it couldn't be done, that I should let go and move on. She just sat beside me in silence and read, and it eased me. It comforted me even as I felt myself dying on the inside, falling away from the world, devoured by my own depression.

I was banging my forehead into the table, groaning as it only furthered the ache already pounding in my brain, when a small, familiar voice called out to me from across the room.

"Ma…"

My heart instantly started racing in my chest as my head snapped up and my stinging eyes landed on my son. He was standing just a few feet away from the table I was occupying and he looked terrified as his eyes raked over me before locking with mine.

"H-Henry? What are you…what are you doing here, kid?" I asked, my voice scratchy, and my gaze instantly shot to my right where I knew Regina was standing. Her gorgeous cocoa eyes were wide and tearful as she devoured our son with a single look, staring at him as if he was the most precious thing she had ever seen. I ached for her, for her inability to touch him or talk to him.

When I turned back to Henry, I saw a flash of determination set in his gaze, the same look I'd seen a thousand times before the curse broke. He was on a mission, and though his lips trembled and tears welled in his eyes, his voice was steady as he confirmed my suspicions and said, "I want to help."

It was then that Snow appeared behind him, trepidation and guilt written all over her features, and behind her stood my father. Anger ripped through my blood, racing hotly in my veins, as I snapped out at my mother. "You told him?! You told both of them?!"

"Emma, I—" Snow began, but I quickly cut her off.

"What the hell were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?" I asked, launching from my chair and moving to my mother's side. I grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her from the room, leaving David and Henry behind. When I got her to the front of the library by the service desk and safely out of earshot of Henry, I wheeled around and glared at her.

"I'm so sorry, honey," she immediately blurted out, her hands reaching for mine and I surprised myself by letting her take them, "but what did you expect me to do?"

"I expected you to keep your damn mouth shut!" I growled at her. "I expected you to do what was best for Henry."

Snow's eyes hardened at that, and the shock of her next words nearly knocked the wind out of me. "Don't you dare try and lecture me about what is best for my grandson, Emma Swan, when you have failed to even care for him in months. What's best for Henry is to have a mother, and here you are, too consumed with what you can't change to even think of him."

Fuck. That stung.

"I agree," I heard Regina's voice say as she suddenly appeared at my side.

Fuck. That stung even worse.

"You're siding with her?!" I asked incredulously. "You may be dead, but you're still Regina and she's still Snow White. You hate her, remember? What the hell, Regina? I'm like…your True Love and stuff. Aren't you supposed to automatically side with me?"

I sounded like an idiot. I knew I did. I could hear it, but I was on my last leg, and anger was just easier than acceptance. It kept me present. It kept me going.

Regina only arched that famous eyebrow at me and crossed her arms, and when I realized that Snow was holding the exact same pose, my head just completely spun. What the hell was happening? Had I just dropped into the Twilight Zone without realizing it? This was just too freaking weird, and it was seriously creeping me out. And what was creepier was that they didn't even know they were doing it; well, at least Snow didn't, and Regina apparently just didn't care.

"See? Even Regina agrees with me," Snow said, and I just wanted to smack that smug look off of her face in that moment. "Thank you, Regina," she added, her eyes never leaving mine because why would they? It wasn't like she could see the person she was talking to anyway.

"Seriously, you can't even see her, so just stop it," I said, my frustration rising to boiling point. I didn't want Henry to know any of this, and I didn't want him here. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want to have to look him in the eyes until the day I could give him his real mother back, the one who had always and could always take better care of him than I felt like I would ever be able to.

Snow completely ignored me and said, "The point is that Henry needs you Emma, and he had a right to know. He _has _a right to know, and it wasn't like he didn't know something was wrong with you anyway, honey. Everyone in the town knows that you've been holed up in this library for months now, and yet no one has a clue as to why. A few of them think you've actually gone mad. Is that what you want?"

"I don't care!" I shouted, tears spilling down my cheeks against my will. "I don't care what anyone thinks, and I didn't want Henry to know. I trusted you to keep this between us, and you told him. What do you think is going to happen now, Snow? I'll tell you. He's going to get his hopes up. He's going to expect results. He's going to…and what if I can't…what if…Is that what you want?"

Snow's eyes instantly softened and she moved closer to me. She took my hands in hers again and whispered, "So he gets his hopes up. Is that any worse than him thinking that the only mother he has left abandoned him for no reason? He needed answers, honey. He was afraid that you left him because you didn't want him anymore. He needed to know the truth."

I let out a heavy sigh, because I knew I couldn't argue with that. She was right. I hadn't even realized what all of this must have seemed like to Henry with him not knowing my reasoning for disappearing. It made my heart break all over again, because I'd felt that way so many times in my life—abandoned…unloved. I couldn't believe that I'd made my own kid feel that way. What the hell was wrong with me?

God, I felt like such a fucking disappointment, a failure.

I leaned forward and laid my head on my mother's shoulder and just let her hold me for a moment, because I needed it. I needed the closeness, the comfort that lately only she had been able to provide, and it helped. "What about David?" I asked her softly as she rubbed soothing circles into my back. "I'm sure he was just thrilled to find out that Regina of all people is my True Love. It's not like either of you was her biggest fan."

Snow chuckled softly at that and said, "Actually, he seemed more heartbroken about the fact that you had lost your True Love than the fact that it was Regina. He loves you, Emma. We both love you so much, and were circumstances different, I'm ashamed to say that we probably would've been less than supportive at first, true, but I honestly believe we would have come around in time. Before you were ever even born, we always said that we wouldn't care _who_ our child loved, just that she actually _found_ love."

"Besides," Regina butted in teasingly, her tone cocky and her smirk firmly in place, "I'm quite the catch, dear. They eventually would have realized as much."

I couldn't help myself then. I actually laughed out loud and god it felt good. I pulled away from Snow and wiped at my tears even as I continued to crack up, the strangeness of everything that had happened and continued to happen washing over me like a massive fucking cosmic joke. "What's so funny?" Snow asked.

I laughed even harder when I saw the confused look on my mother's face and said, "Oh nothing. Just the friendly neighborhood ghost, that's all."

Regina glared playfully at me for that one before rolling her eyes as Snow called out to the open air of the library, because she didn't have a clue where Regina actually was even though she was standing less than a foot from her. "Regina, you had better not be mocking me."

"Wouldn't dream of it, dear," Regina said with a click of her tongue even though Snow couldn't hear her. She smiled at me then, a true smile, a smile like I hadn't seen from her in months and it warmed me from my head to my toes.

"Alright, let's go talk to Henry," I said softly and motioned for both of them to follow, and as we headed back to the stacks, hope bloomed in my chest for the first time in what felt like fucking centuries.

We could do this, all of us…together.


	15. Chapter 15: Making Music

**A/N: Again, I just want to thank all of you for reading and reviewing and supporting this story. I try to respond to as many of you as I can, but I get overwhelmed at times. I do appreciate you all, though. Please know that.**

**This is a special chapter to me, and has been my favorite to write thus far. I hope it will mean as much to all of you. **

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "No Envy, No Fear" by Joshua Radin. Give it a shot. I hope you all enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Fifteen: Making Music

After I agreed to let Henry help me, he quickly stated that our first order of business, of course, had to be to give our little project a name. It took him all of five seconds to dub our mission "Operation Save the Queen"; not his most creative work, but it made Regina smile, so it was good enough for me. Plus, it was nice to see that light in his eyes again. Hell, it was nice to see him at all. I hadn't realized just how much I'd been missing the kid in the last few months, and that realization hit me like a brick to the chest, because all I could feel was guilty about having shut him out for so long.

I wanted to jump right in, just dive back into my books and continue my search but Snow wasn't having it. She demanded that I at least get out of the library and stretch my legs, get some fresh air before I go back to working. I had to bite my tongue to keep from snapping at her because she _knew _how important this was to me, and that the last thing I wanted to do was go out to get some damn fresh air. I'd breath all the fresh air I wanted once Regina was breathing it, too. What I wanted was to find some fucking answers, but all it took was Henry's wide, pleading eyes for me to agree to it. He wanted to walk with me for a while, and well…how the hell was I going to say no to that?

Not to mention the fact that Regina gave me her sternest, motherly look, and said, "Emma Swan, if you do not go for a walk with our son, so help me…"

I wasn't actually afraid of her, because it wasn't like she could do any damage given the circumstances, but I didn't want to test her just in case. Plus, I just wanted to make her happy. So, I agreed.

I left Snow and David in the library with Regina, even though they didn't know it, and Henry and I took off. I didn't have a clue where to go or what to even say to the kid given how I'd acted the last few months, so I just let Henry take the lead. He'd always been fond of the leadership role anyway, so why not?

I followed him through Storybrooke and tried to let myself forget about my heartache and forget about all the pain and struggle and just enjoy this time with my son.

* * *

I was surprised when I realized where Henry was leading us, but I didn't ask him about it. I just followed him into the cemetery and tried to appreciate the way the cold air felt on my skin and the way his small hand felt as it curled into mine. It reminded me of that first week following Regina's death when we would dress up to go to the mausoleum each day before walking through the rest of the cemetery, just holding hands and letting the quiet say everything we couldn't. Maybe that's why he chose to go there. Maybe we needed the quiet again, needed it to say the hard things and mend the broken spaces between us.

We walked in silence for a long time, slowly weaving through the headstones. Our hands, laced together, swung softly back and forth between us as we both stared ahead or at the ground, and I wondered if I should try to talk to him; if I should try to apologize for everything, but I was afraid that no words I'd ever be able to come up with would do, would mean anything more than just words. So, I stayed quiet and I just hoped that Henry knew that I was sorry, that I did love him more than I could ever say, and that I never wanted to abandon him. I hoped that he knew that all I had done, I had done for him and for Regina and for a future that I wanted us all to have together. I hoped he knew.

"So, you and Mom are True Loves?" he asked me, and I nearly jumped with surprise because I had been so immersed in the silence, in the feeling of the air around me and of the closeness to my son that I had been missing for what felt like years.

"Looks that way, kid," I said, clearing my throat and keeping my eyes fixed on the soft grass beneath my feet as we walked. "Is that…are you okay with that?"

He was quiet for a several minutes before he softly said, "Yeah…I've been thinking about it ever since Grandma told me. I thought that the Savior was supposed to destroy the Evil Queen, but I think it makes more sense this way. I think maybe it means that you're supposed to save _everyone_, especially my mom."

My heart was a mess of pins and needles in that moment, because I hadn't saved his mother. I'd failed to save Regina and I was still failing. I didn't feel like a Savior. I didn't feel much of anything anymore but pain. "I guess I wasn't a very good Savior then," I told him, voicing the guilt that was itching in the back of my throat and burning in my chest.

I glanced at him then and saw that his eyes and nose and lips were adorably scrunched, his thinking face firmly in place. And then he said something that I'd never even thought about but that helped me like nothing else had in a long time. It gave me hope again. "That's not true," he argued. "I think you _did _save her. You changed her. You made her want to be good. She gave up her life to save you and Grandma at the well, and that made her a hero. So you see? You did save her. You _are _the Savior, Emma. You just have to believe in yourself, and you'll find a way to bring Mom back. I know you can do it, and I'll help you."

Tears built in my eyes and I tried to blink them away, but they just kept coming so I let them fall. My throat felt tight and my chest constricted as I squeezed Henry's hand and said, "I wish I could believe the way you do."

"In my book, things always get worse before they get better. You just have to believe you can win, and you will," he told me as if it was the most logical thing in the world, and god help me, I actually did believe him. I had failed to do so too many times before, and I didn't want to make that mistake again.

"I hope you're right, kid," I said softly before letting go of his hand and wrapping my arm around his shoulders to pull him closer to me. I needed the closeness in that moment. I needed it like I needed the air in my lungs, and Henry…he gave it willingly. He just wrapped his small arm around my back and leaned his head against my side as we walked.

The silence settled heavily around us again as we came to the Mills mausoleum. Henry pulled me over to the front of the large stone building and we sat down in the grass in front of it. I glanced over at him and saw the drops on his cheeks that matched the ones on my own face, and I would've given anything in that moment to have something to say to him, but that wasn't my thing. I'd never been very good with words. Regina was always the one who knew what to say to him, even when he didn't want to hear it. I felt so inadequate.

I didn't know how much time had passed in silence before Henry spoke to me again, but it felt like hours. It felt like decades. "I miss her," he whispered to me.

My throat was closed again and refused to allow even the tiniest bit of my voice to pass through so I just swallowed thickly and nodded beside him. And when he spoke again, I knew I wasn't going to be able to get away with simple gestures. I was going to have to bite the bullet and talk, even if it meant crying openly in front of my kid.

"Can you really see her?" he asked me, his voice cracking. "Grandma said you can still see her and talk to her even though nobody else can."

"Yeah, Henry, I can," I told him and it broke my heart to see the disappointment on his young face. I knew that he wished he could see her too, talk to her too. It only made me feel guiltier that I hadn't succeeded in finding a way to bring her back yet.

And then an idea struck me.

"Do you…Henry, if you want to talk to her, you can," I told him, and his eyes instantly lit up even though his brows furrowed in confusion. "She can see and hear you, and if you want to talk to her, I know it'd mean so much to her. And…and I can tell you everything she says back to you. Would you want to try that?"

"Do you think she really wants to talk to me?" he asked. "Do you think she misses me, Ma?"

I sucked in a shaky breath as I felt fresh tears spill down my cheeks. "Oh Henry…she misses you the most."

I heard a soft whimper escape him even though he tried to hide it. He turned his face away from me as he brought up his hands to wipe at his cheeks, but then he nodded and that was all I needed.

I closed my eyes and called forth my magic to summon Regina to my side. It exhausted me terribly every single time I did it, but I didn't care. Everything was just…just _better _when Regina was with me. I heard Henry gasp and I knew that he was seeing the magic. It always glowed on my skin, white and bright, and then it was gone.

I opened my eyes and there was Regina, standing just in front of me with a soft smile on her face, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Henry, pure love and affection shining in her beautifully dark eyes. It made my breath hitch in my throat and my heart pound wildly in my chest. They were my family. They had always been my family. I hated that I hadn't realized it sooner.

"Is she here?" Henry asked me then, his gaze darting around even though he knew he wouldn't be able to see her.

"Yes," both Regina and I said at the same time, though of course, Henry only heard me.

"Tell her—" he started, but I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to stop him.

"Tell her yourself, Henry," I told him softly. Regina moved over to the empty space on the other side of him and lowered herself to the ground and it only made my heart swell further, pound harder. "She's right beside you," I said, pointing to the seemingly vacant spot on his right side. "Just talk to her."

He wiped at his cheeks quickly again and looked to the empty space beside him. "I…I miss you, Mom," he whispered and I swear I could have died in that moment with the way every inch of me ached for him and ached for Regina. I wanted them to be able to see each other. I wanted them to be able to hold each other. Fuck, I wanted so many things. I needed so many things for them…for all of us.

Tears slipped from Regina's eyes as she reached a hand out and hovered it just next to his cheek, and I would have given anything for both of them to have been able to feel it, just that one touch; just that one, precious moment. "I miss you, too, Henry, so much," Regina choked out, and I had to take several deep breaths before I could relay the message to our son.

"She said she misses you so much," I croaked and did my best to comfort him. I rubbed circles in his back and hoped that it helped, because I knew that this was hard for him. Everything had been so hard for him lately.

His voice was broken and little gasps slipped between his words as he said, "I'm s-sorry, Mom. I'm sorry I was s-so mean to you before. You _are _my Mom, and I…I love you s-so much."

A guttural sob ripped through the quiet of the cemetery and in that moment I honestly didn't know if it had come from my own throat or Regina's. Maybe it came from both of us. Either way, it hurt. It was painful, and yet it was perfect, because these were the things that needed to be said. Henry was finally getting a chance to make amends and Regina was finally learning that he loved her, that he had always loved her. It was everything.

Regina started talking even though her voice was shaky, and I just did my best to keep up with her. I rubbed Henry's back and spoke as Regina spoke. "I'm sorry, too," I said, repeating Regina's words. "I love you more than you know, Henry. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, but you…I am so proud of you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Please believe that. And Henry…thank you for helping me to redeem myself. I'm just sorry that I never got to say goodbye to you."

Oh god, it felt like my heart was just going to rip in half and crumble in my chest. The love in Regina's voice, the tears on her cheeks, the tears on Henry's cheeks, the way she tried to touch him and couldn't…it was all just too much for me. It felt like losing Regina all over again, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry myself into fucking oblivion.

Henry turned wide, teary eyes to me and before I could say anything, he stood up and walked away. I didn't go after him, because I knew that he just wanted to be alone. He always tried to be so strong, and I knew he wouldn't want me to see him break down. He walked a little ways into the cemetery, just far enough that I couldn't hear him but I could still see him.

Regina scooted closer to me as we watched him together. He dropped to his knees between the headstones in the distance and buried his face in his hands, and we could both see his small body shaking as he sobbed into his palms. I turned to look at Regina and she was openly crying as well. She locked gazes with me after a few, long moments of just watching Henry and said, "Thank you, Emma, for doing that."

"Regina…" I managed to choke out as I looked into her gorgeous, heartbroken eyes. "I know I'm not good with feelings and talking and everything, but I just…I hope you know that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I…I love you so much." I broke before I could say anything else, tears ripping from my eyes and my chest tightening to the point of pain.

I sobbed openly then and I didn't even try to hide it. Regina had seen me at my absolute worst now, and everything I felt was for her, so she could see it. She could have it all. My heart was hers; my tears, my hopes, my fears…everything. It all belonged to her now.

"I know," she whispered and the softest, most beautiful smile touched her lips even as her tears fell, "and I love you, too."

"We'll find a way, won't we?" I asked her, because I needed to know that she hadn't given up. Despite all the worries she'd whispered to me when she thought I was sleeping, despite all the times she'd spoken to the contrary, I needed to know that she was still with me. I needed to know that some part of her, however deep or small, still believed.

She sighed heavily as she looked into my eyes and said, "If anyone can find a way, it's you, Emma. It's you and Henry."

And that was all I needed to know.

* * *

When nearly twenty minutes had passed and Henry still hadn't returned to us, Regina stared out into the cemetery, her eyes watching him like a hawk, and then suddenly, she gasped. It made me jump because I had nearly fallen into a trance from just sitting there in the silence with her, watching our son from a distance. I turned to face her and asked, "What? Are you okay?"

"Make some music, Emma," she said, which completely baffled me, because I didn't have the slightest clue as to where that came from or even what she was talking about.

"Uh…what?" I asked, and then she turned to me and my breath slammed through my lips as a gorgeous, wide smile lit up her entire face and rocked me to my very core.

"Make some music," she said again, nearly laughing she seemed so pleased with the idea, and yet still…I was utterly confused. "Use your magic."

"I don't know how," I told her, "and why do you want me to make music? Feel like dancing?" I chuckled at myself, but Regina apparently took me seriously.

"No, but Henry might," she answered, and that definitely got my attention.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, turning to look back at my son who was still crumpled in the center of the cemetery.

Regina's smile only widened as she said, "When Henry was little, he was afraid of the dark. He would have nightmares nearly every night and wake up crying. Nothing made him feel better, and trust me I tried everything—reading him stories, rocking him, singing to him, late-night snacks, letting him sleep with me. Nothing worked. And then one night, I was in my study working late and I had the radio playing. He came in at two in the morning crying because he had had another nightmare and of course, I didn't know what to do, because nothing ever worked, but then he noticed the radio. He asked if he could turn it up, and I let him. Some upbeat song was playing and he just smiled at me and said, 'Dance with me, Momma.'"

My heart swelled to the point of bursting as I listened to Regina talk, an image of tiny Henry in footy pajamas dancing around with Regina flashing through my mind and lighting up my entire fucking world. I loved her so much more in that moment that I could hardly contain it. "And you did," I said, now smiling with her.

"Of course," she said, grinning at me even as tears shined in her eyes. "We danced almost the entire night, and for a long time after that, it became our special thing. Every time he had a nightmare or was sad, I would turn up the radio and we would dance until he was nothing but smiles and laughter. It's one of my favorite memories of us."

"And now it's one of mine, too," I told her honestly. "I wish I could have seen it. I wish I could have been there."

Pure love shined in her eyes as she looked into me, and I could feel her affection in every inch of my body and soul. "So do I, Emma," she whispered.

"Do you remember that first song?" I asked her, hoping she did. She nodded, and I knew I had to try and do this for Henry. So I said, "Tell me what to do."

She smiled brightly and said, "Let your magic do it for you. Just listen." And she began to hum, and it was beautiful. It warmed me to the point of burning, and I reveled in every second of it.

I closed my eyes and let the soft sounds of her humming flow into me and pull my magic to the service. It buzzed in my veins and then I could hear it everywhere. It was almost as if the music was spilling from the trees, singing through the air loudly and beautifully. I turned to Regina then as the music played and we just loved each other through our eyes, smiling so brightly that it nearly lit up the entire cemetery.

"Now, go dance with our son," Regina said, and that just made my head spin, made my heart beat faster.

I didn't even hesitate as I stood up and headed toward Henry, who was now on his feet and turning in circles, baffled by the music now echoing around us. I didn't care about embarrassing myself in that moment, because for the first time in so long, I was happy. It felt like the most special day of my entire life, and I truly believed it was.

I ran toward him and wasted no time in grabbing his hands and twirling him around. He seemed nothing but confused at first, but then his eyes lit up as he seemed to finally recognize the song, and everything…fucking _everything _fell into place in that moment. Everything got brighter. Everything felt lighter and fuller. Everything just got so much better.

He let out a loud laugh and began to twirl around with me, jumping and dancing and grinning like I hadn't ever seen him grin. I'd never seen him so full of hope, so light with relief and joy. I closed my eyes as I jumped around with him, and I let the moment fill me up. I let it take me higher and higher until it felt like I was floating.

And we danced, and we laughed, and we lost ourselves in a perfect moment.

A perfect day.

And when I opened my eyes and turned to where I knew Regina would be watching, I knew that she had never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. Her hands were clasped tightly over her heart, tears fell down her cheeks, and her smile touched every part of her face and glowed in her eyes. She mouthed the words "I love you" to me and in that moment, I knew…I just _knew _that everything would be okay.


	16. Chapter 16: To Have Family

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Overture" by AURAH. It's short, so you will definitely want to put it on repeat. Give it a shot. The juxtaposition of the intensity of the music matched against the lightness of the chapter works well. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Sixteen: To Have Family

I laid my head on my dad's shoulder as he sat down beside me. He had just brought a fresh stack of books to the table based on Henry's suggestions. _Curses, Potions, Fate, and True Love, _he'd chimed happily when David was writing down topics for us to research. Both Regina and Snow had laughed at Henry's enthusiasm, and it made my heart swell in my chest.

It was a Saturday, and my whole family was there with me in the library, including Regina. I was the only one who could see her but everyone made an effort, which truly and wonderfully surprised me. David, Snow, and Henry would all periodically talk to Regina or ask her questions as they sifted through the vast amount of information in the library's countless books, and I would relay her answers to them. She was the only one of us who really knew anything about magic so she was a great help when we didn't understand things we read or when we needed new ideas on topics to look into, and it warmed me from head to toe that my family was so willingly and sweetly engaging with her even if they couldn't see or hear her. It meant the world to me, and I could tell by the light in her eyes and the soft smiles that would creep onto her face, that it meant the world to Regina as well.

David put his arm around my shoulders and rested his head on top of mine as I relaxed into his side and closed my eyes. I was exhausted, and though everyone's efforts, especially Henry's, had greatly rekindled my hope, it was so hard for me to keep my spirits high when every hour, every day, failed to offer us any solutions. It was heartbreaking. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into my father's arms and warmth. It wasn't something I'd usually ever do, because I just wasn't that kind of person.

I didn't like sappy, emotional, affectionate crap. I didn't get touchy-feely with people and I rarely indulged in hugs unless they were with my son, but I was just so tired. I was so tired and so…broken, and I didn't care about being vulnerable anymore. I didn't care about seeming weak. I just wanted someone to hold me. I wanted that comfort of a parent that I had been missing my entire life, so I let my dad hold me and hoped that just those few moments of comfort would be enough to make me feel alive again, strong again...hopeful again.

I felt David press a gentle kiss to the top of my head as I whispered to him, "Do you think I'm crazy for doing this?" I wasn't exactly sure where that question came from, but I guessed that some part of me just wanted to feel validated in what I was doing. Some part of me wanted to be assured that my family wasn't just there because they felt bad for me or were worried for me. I needed to know that they truly believed in what I was doing and wanted me to succeed, that they actually believed I _could _succeed, and I trusted that where Snow might try to pity and placate me in order to avoid hurting my feelings, David would tell me the truth.

He let out a long, heavy sigh as he squeezed my shoulders tightly, and for a minute I didn't think he was going to say anything at all, but then he pressed another kiss to the top of my head and spoke softly. "True Love…isn't easy," he told me and I could hear the truth in his voice, the evidence of all he had been through with his own True Love, "but it must be fought for, because once you find it…it can never be replaced."

I let his words flow into me and remind me to be strong as I nodded against his chest, but before I could say anything else, Snow's voice softly filtered into the moment. "It certainly hasn't been an easy road for your father and me, but we never gave up, and it's never been better," she said with a gentle smile as she came to sit on my other side and slipped her hand into mind.

"Damn," I sighed out. "You mean it's not all rainbows and butterflies and unicorns?"

I glanced just behind Snow when I noticed a flutter of movement, and that's when I saw that Regina was there. She'd been listening and was now leaning lightly against one of the bookshelves and watching me. It still pissed me off that she could touch things like shelves and tables and beds, but she couldn't touch me. How was that even remotely fair? Her eyes were bright as she stared into me, her gaze reaching straight into my heart, saying all the things that she rarely said out loud—love, devotion…hope.

My parents chuckled at me and then Snow said something that completely took both me and Regina by surprise. She smiled playfully at me, nudging me with her elbow, and said, "Well, it might be for you and Regina once we bring her back; at least, the rainbows part anyway."

Regina snorted, like literally snorted, before dissolving into laughter, while I just stared at my mom with my mouth hanging open. "Was that a lesbian joke?" I asked her, turning to poke at her sides. "Did Snow Freaking White actually just make a _lesbian _joke?"

"I think she did, honey," David said, smiling as he patted my back.

Snow was trying so hard to hold in her laughter, and her fair face was turning redder by the second, until she finally just exploded. "Oh come on," she exclaimed, "it was funny. You have to admit, it was pretty funny."

"I'm sorry. I can't hear you," I chuckled out, "because Regina is laughing too loud." That only made Snow laugh harder, and Regina was still cracking up, so I just let myself go and joined them. I let myself get lost in the moment, because moments like this had been so rare for so long. Laughter was like a precious gem that we were always searching for but often were unable to find, and so when we did finally find even the tiniest bit of it, I couldn't help but just be in awe of it. So, I drank it all in, the joy, and silently thanked my family for restoring my heart a little more that day.

"Hey guys, what's so funny?" Henry asked as he suddenly appeared in front of our table with a large black book in his hands, and I really didn't have a clue where he'd come from. He'd been in the older stacks of the library with his own little list of topics to search for, and I hadn't seen him in a while, so it really surprised me when he was suddenly just there, but I couldn't help but smile.

"Rainbows," Snow choked out as she finally started to calm down.

"Uh…rainbows?" Henry asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

I rolled my eyes at Snow's and Regina's obvious immaturity in that moment and spared a glance to David who was just grinning like a fool but at least he was much more composed than the other two, before I looked back at my son and said, "Don't worry about it, kid, we were just talking about your mom and I and—"

"Ooh," Henry said, cutting me off and nodding his head wisely, "I get it. Like gay pride."

That definitely threw me for a loop, but the only thing it threw Snow into was another fit of laughter. I looked over her shoulder at Regina, who had finally stopped laughing but was still grinning brightly and staring at Henry with nothing but affection and pride shining in her eyes. "Uh yeah…how did you know about that?" I asked him.

"Duh, I have the internet," Henry said, rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides," he continued, "Mom told me about all that stuff last year."

"About gay pride?" I asked him before looking to Regina with the biggest smile on my face, because of course Regina had taught our son about different lifestyles. How anyone had ever failed to see how big that woman's heart actually was, was completely beyond me.

"Yup," he said as he looked around for a chair. He didn't find one so he climbed up onto the table to sit. "I found some pictures on the internet," he said and then his face went completely crimson and I could only assume that he'd stumbled upon some porn, which seriously made me want to laugh because I could only imagine Regina's face when she found out, but I held it in so as not to embarrass my kid any further, "and I asked her about them and she told me about like…you know, love and feelings and sex and stuff, and how I might start having feelings for girls soon, or boys, and that either would be okay."

I was fucking bursting with pride in that moment and could practically feel the freaking rainbows on my skin, but I couldn't deny the awkwardness of the moment. The redder Henry's cheeks got, the more awkward the moment became. Everyone was just sort of nodding along with his words or staring at the table silently, except for Regina, of course. Her cheeks were pink as if she had just remembered the moment when Henry had asked her about porn, which still made me want to laugh, but other than that, she just looked proud of him. And that made my heart soar.

"Anyway!" Henry huffed out, obviously eager to move onto a different subject or just run away all together, which is exactly what he did. "Uh…I need another book." And then he was gone, jumping off of the table and practically sprinting back into the stacks.

It was silent for only about a second before both Snow and I burst into laughter, quickly followed by David and Regina. "Oh god," I gasped out as my chest ached from laughing, "I just keep picturing what Regina's face must have looked like when Henry asked her about porn."

Snow's laughter was so loud in that moment that it echoed through the entire room as she smacked at my arm and nodded her head to say that she was picturing the same thing. God, we were all acting so childish in that moment, but it was like our bodies and our brains and our hearts were demanding it. It was like we were all so desperate for some joy that anything would do, and this…it was what we had, and it was working, so we latched onto it. We latched onto it, and we allowed ourselves to just be happy and laughing and carefree, even if it was immature and even if it only lasted a few moments. It was worth it.

I glanced over at Regina and though she was chuckling softly, she had her forehead pressed into her hand and was shaking her head back and forth. "He completely took me by surprise," she said. "It was mortifying."

I smiled brightly at her before patting Snow on the arm and telling her I'd be right back. I got up from my chair, and when Regina looked up at me, I motioned for her to follow. We walked through the stacks in the opposite direction of where Henry had run off, until we were far enough away to be completely alone and unheard. I stepped between one of the last rows at the back of the library and turned to face her.

Regina's brow furrowed as she asked, "Are you alright, love?" God, I fucking loved it when she called me shit like that. It only made everything feel that much more real to me. I really had found my love, and she was…she was everything. She was incredible.

"Yes," I told her. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

She smiled brightly at that before reaching out a hand. Sorrow danced in her eyes, blending with her joy, as she hovered her hand just above my cheek, unable to touch me. I closed my eyes and pretended that I could feel her, pretended that I could feel the warmth of her palm seeping into my skin. "And I wanted to thank you," I added softly. "I wanted to thank you for being such a good mother."

When I opened my eyes again, I could see tears blurring Regina's chocolate gaze. She smiled beautifully at me and said, "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be. I never would have had Henry if it weren't for you, Emma. So, thank you for giving me a son…_our _son."

My heart exploded in my chest as I felt a smile stretch my lips. I shook my head as the faintest bit of sorrow seeped into the moment, because of course, I couldn't embrace the woman like I wanted to, but I didn't let that get me down. Regina and I…we were good. In that moment, we were happy. So, I just grinned at her and said, "Just so you know, I'm kissing the hell out of you in my head right now."

She arched her eyebrow at me in that way that always made my skin tingle before smirking and saying, "Just so _you _know, I'm really enjoying it." Then she winked at me like a fucking sex goddess and without another word, just turned around and strolled away. And all I could do was stand there with my jaw hanging open and my body aching in all the best ways.

Such a tease.

* * *

We were all practically sleeping on top of each other by the end of the day (with the exception of Regina because she never slept), our eyes sore and stinging from endless reading, when Henry sleepily mumbled, "Maybe we could find something on the curse that Mr. Gold and Mom put on the well."

I just nodded against the top of Snow's head as she rested it against my shoulder and tossed aside a book on magical tokens, whatever that meant. And then suddenly, she let out a loud gasp and her head jerked straight up and smacked into my chin. My teeth sank into my tongue with the force of the hit and I couldn't help but howl in pain. "Damn it!" I yelled. "What the hell was that about?"

Everyone was much more alert now, including Henry, who I then remembered and instantly felt guilty about my cursing. I glanced at Regina who was somehow managing to give me a look that simultaneously screamed _Are you okay? _as well as _Language, Emma! _How in the hell she managed to express so much with just her eyes was completely beyond me; regardless, though, I turned to Henry and said, "Sorry kid, just pretend you didn't hear any of that."

He nodded with a small grin which I returned before turning back to Snow for some answers. Her eyes were wide and darting aimlessly as if her thoughts were shooting through her head at lightning-fast speeds and it was all she could do just to keep time and process them all. She absentmindedly rubbed the top of her head where it had collided with my chin, despite the fact that she didn't really seem to notice the pain at all. She was too busy looking completely and totally shocked and freaking me the hell out.

I swallowed the metallic taste of blood in my mouth before grabbing Snow by the elbow and shaking her to get her attention. "What? What is it?" I asked her.

She locked eyes with me then, and those emerald pools were so wide and so full of hope that they were practically singing to me. A smile blasted across Snow's face as she grabbed my hands tightly and said, "Emma…I have an idea."


	17. Chapter 17: Ashes and Water

**A/N: Hello friends. Don't hate me for the cliffhanger in this chapter. The next segment was too long to fit into this chapter without it going on for years, so I cut it, but it works quite nicely I think. I hope it excites all of you!**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "The Haunting" by Anberlin. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Seventeen: Ashes and Water

You know those moments when something huge happens or when somebody tells you something that just completely alters your life? Those moments, both good and bad, when your entire world just seems to blast wide open before shrinking so tightly around you that you can hardly breathe? Those moments when your heart pounds like a war drum in your chest and your blood feels so hot in your veins that you can't help but to press and scratch at your skin just trying to soothe it?

Yeah…I was having one of those moments now; then again, it sort of felt like I'd been having one of those moments every day perpetually for over half a year at this point.

Snow clenched my hand tightly as she dragged me through the cemetery and toward the Mills mausoleum. She'd told Henry and David to meet us at the well in fifteen minutes, to which David had offered a thoroughly confused expression and Henry had jumped lively up and down while punching his fist into the air and screaming, "That's perfect! Yes!" I didn't have a damn clue what he was so excited about, but if Henry believed Snow's idea, whatever it was, would work, then I couldn't help but be on board with it too.

Regina trailed silently behind me as Snow pulled me excitedly forward, and I could tell that she was as nervous as I was. We both wanted, _needed_, this solution, whatever it was, so badly that the thought of it not working had us both terrified into silence. The lump in my throat was so massive at this point that I was shocked I hadn't passed the hell out. There was no way any decent amount of oxygen was getting past that thing, but somehow I was still conscious.

We stepped into the mausoleum and my stomach instantly rocked and rolled at the sight of the ornate urn perched on a stone shelf just to the left of the large stone coffin of Regina's father. "I really don't like being in here," I said, my voice timid and uneasy.

"Try and relax, honey," Snow said, turning to offer me a small smile before she reached out for the urn. "If this works, then everything should be okay. Everything should be _wonderful _in a mere matter of minutes!"

"Okay, seriously," I exclaimed. "Spit it out already, because you're driving me crazy, and what the hell are you doing with Regina's ashes anyway?"

Regina's face suddenly swam into my peripheral vision as she stuck her head over my right shoulder, apparently intrigued by the mention of her own ashes, which was just too fucking weird to even contemplate. "Oh, that's a lovely urn, dear," she remarked as she glanced over my shoulder. "Did you pick it out yourself?"

I rolled my eyes dramatically, because of course Regina wanted to talk fucking urns instead of finding out what Snow's supposedly happy, happy, epic plan was. "Yes, Regina, I picked out the urn myself," I sighed out.

She smiled softly as she turned her head slightly to glance at me. "Excellent choice, dear," Regina said and I couldn't help but return her smile, because I realized in that moment that she was just trying to ease me. I was so fucking tense and she was just trying to calm me down and distract me, get me to relax a bit. God, I loved that woman. "Very _me_," she added with a teasing smirk.

I let out a soft laugh and rolled my eyes again as I stuck my tongue out at her and said, "You're lucky I didn't put you in a Ziploc bag and carry you around in my pocket everywhere."

"Carrying your lover's ashes with you everywhere you go," Regina said, still smirking as she clicked her tongue playfully at me, "how very morbid of you, darling."

"First of all, I never got the chance to actually _be _your 'lover'," I told her and couldn't help the sorrow that leaked into my voice as I said those words. I could tell she felt it, too, because her smile turned sad, and so I jumped in quickly to try and reignite the humor in the moment. "Secondly, how would that have been any more morbid than walking around with your ghost tagging along everywhere I go?

Regina arched that eyebrow at me, impossibly high, and let out a soft laugh as she smiled and said, "Touché, dear."

The sound of Snow loudly clearing her throat effectively snapped Regina and I out of our little joking trance. We turned to face her even though she could see only me, and both Regina and I burst into laughter as we took in the sight of Snow standing there clutching onto the urn and looking at me like a stern teacher threatening detention. She rolled her eyes and huffed out, "Are you two done? Or would you rather stay here and banter instead of actually trying to save Regina's life?"

Regina smiled wildly as she teased me again, "Careful, love. I think your mother may just give you a time-out."

"She'd give _you_ one, too," I snapped playfully.

"Oh, I've had seven months of the ultimate time-out, dear," Regina said, and tears instantly built in my eyes. Damn it. "I think I've learned my lesson. I'd much rather go back to playing."

My heart clenched so forcefully in my chest at those words, because even though I knew Regina was trying to be funny with me, my fear seeped right back in and took hold of me. Her words reminded me of the past seven months in which my entire life had basically fallen apart and she and I had both been made to suffer. I hated it.

If this plan didn't work, I didn't know what I'd do. It might just break me beyond repair.

I turned back to Snow and determinedly said, "Tell us the plan and then we'll go."

Snow's smile was so wide in that moment that it actually made me wonder if it hurt her face to hold it there, and then she said, "True Love's kiss can break any curse."

I couldn't help the way my lip curled as soon as I heard those words or the fact that I basically blurted out, "Gross!"

Snow looked utterly perplexed by my reaction so I quickly clarified by saying, "I'm not kissing Regina's ashes. That's gross."

My mother sighed dramatically, scoffed at me, and said, "Well obviously you are not going to kiss her ashes, Emma. Honestly, honey, you are denser than your father sometimes."

Regina cackled animatedly at that and if I could've smacked her I would have, but I couldn't, so instead I just rolled my eyes and grumbled, "Well, get to the point already."

"The water in the well," Snow said, her excitement growing with every word. "It's from Lake Nostos, and as you learned when we were in the Enchanted Forest, the water of Lake Nostos has healing magic. It has the power to restore what has been lost!"

I heard Regina gasp, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Snow as she finished by saying, "So, we use the water to restore Regina's body, and then you can kiss her to break the curse that killed her and bring her back to life!"

"Oh god, Emma," Regina said, and I turned to look into her wide, chocolate eyes just as hopeful tears were building in my own. "This might actually work."

My entire body felt like it was teetering on the edge of a massive cliff, and every single part of me was fucking terrified of finding out what would happen if I jumped, but at the same time…

I was even more terrified of finding out what would happen if I didn't.

I locked eyes with Snow and nodded, and as my heart pounded heavily in my chest, I took in a deep breath and said, "Let's do it."

* * *

When we arrived at the well, Henry almost immediately started jumping up and down again, and as much as I wanted to be excited with him, with all of them, I just couldn't. I mean, I was hopeful, but at the same time…god, I just couldn't go there.

My entire life had been one massive shit-storm after another, constantly getting my hopes up only to have everything blow up in my face, only to be sent back to the home when a family decided they didn't want me anymore, only to be abandoned to take the fall for a crime I didn't commit instead of being whisked away to some romantic life I once longed for, only to have to give up my son after landing in prison, only to have to find out that I had some fucking destiny way beyond my ability to comprehend…

Only to be disappointed more times than I could count.

In other words, I was scared. I was so scared I could hardly breathe. I could hardly think. I needed this more than I had ever needed anything in my life, and all I could think about was all the times I'd needed something, all the times I'd wanted something, and then was denied it. It was all I'd ever known, and the dread of that happening again weighed so heavily in my chest that I could hardly keep my knees from buckling beneath me.

Regina, Snow, and I stepped up to the edge of the well and peered down into it. "How do we even know there's any water left in there?" I asked even though I knew the water was there. I was just stalling, and apparently everyone else there knew that I was stalling, too.

"Emma…" Snow said, giving me a soft smile, which only made me more nervous. Fuck.

I sighed heavily and asked another question. "Well, how are we supposed to get the water up here? There isn't a bucket or anything."

"MAGIC!" Henry exclaimed excitedly, to which everyone else just nodded their agreement, but I didn't say anything. I just continued to stare endlessly into the well as my heart pounded frantically in my chest. I couldn't calm it. I couldn't slow it.

"Emma…" I heard Regina whisper softly to me. I turned to look at her and when our gazes locked, she smiled softly at me and said, "Please don't cry." My hands instantly shot to my face to wipe my cheeks because I hadn't even realized that I was crying, and I didn't want to be the scared, pathetic little girl of the group while everyone else was strong and optimistic. It's just that…well, I didn't know how to be optimistic; not really. My life had never really given me a reason to be.

"Are you afraid?" Regina then asked me, and I wasn't going to lie to her. A whimper escaped me unbidden as I nodded and asked, "What if it doesn't work?"

She smiled sadly at me again and said, "Well then it doesn't work and we won't be any worse off than we already are. So, there's no need to be afraid, dear. Let's just see if it works, okay?"

I took a heavy breath and leaned closer to her, unable to stop myself from being timid. She leaned in a bit, too, and turned her head to listen as I whispered to her as quietly as I could manage. "I wish you could hold my hand," I told her in a shaky breath.

A beautiful smile lit her face, but before she could say anything in response, I sucked in a sharp breath, turned to the well, and spread my hands over the top of it. "Get the ashes ready," I said to Snow as I called forth my magic and summoned the water from deep within the well, effectively facing my fear.

My blood got hotter and hotter in my veins as my magic buzzed electrically in every inch of me and I could see the bright white glow emanating from my body and from my hands as I held them over the well. It didn't take long before the whooshing sound of running water echoed through the woods around us and grew louder by the second as I called the water higher and higher. When it crested the surface of the well, I turned to Regina for guidance, because I didn't really have a clue what I was supposed to do then.

"Pack it into a ball," she said. I looked at her as if she had two heads because how the hell was I supposed to pack something with no shape and no form into a ball? She held up her hands quickly to show me the motion to mimic and said, "Pretend as if the water is clay and use your hands to mold it into a ball, willing your magic to make it so."

I did as she said and was stunned as the water actually molded to my will, packing together into a still-swirling ball that fit perfectly in the palm of my right hand. It was freaking amazing. No drops. No spills. Just a swirling glob of water, glowing a brilliant white, in my hand. So cool.

I quickly carried the water over to where Snow was kneeling on the ground in front of the urn. She pulled away the lid so that I could access the ashes, but then I realized that, again, I didn't know what the hell to do. I turned to look at Regina with my eyebrow arched in question and asked, "What now?"

"Well, drop it," she answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and come to think of it…it kind of was. Man, Mom was right. I was seriously denser than dad sometimes.

I took a heavy breath and closed my eyes as I held onto the ball of water, because in that moment, the only thing I was doing was _wishing._ I was wishing with every ounce of my being. I wished that this would work. I wished it harder than I'd ever wished for anything before, even family.

And then I let go.


	18. Chapter 18: A Debt Owed

**A/N: Hello friends. I apologize for the longer wait on this chapter. I meant to have it up sooner, but a few things came up and life just got in the way. Hopefully, though, you will all think it was well worth the wait.**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Feel This" by Bethany Joy Galeotti (featuring Enation). Give it a shot. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Eighteen: A Debt Owed

_And then I let go._

Every single one of us held our breath (even Regina, though she technically didn't _need_ to breathe) as the ball of water dropped from my hand and into the open urn holding Regina's ashes. It splashed heavily, spilling over the mouth of the urn, before leaking down and seeping into the dust that had once been the body of the woman I loved.

My lungs were burning in my chest as I still wasn't breathing, just waiting for something to happen. Our eyes all remained glued to the urn as the seconds ticked by with no reaction from the ashes, and every single second felt like a decade to me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn't shake the fear raging through my mind and the disappointment already stirring angrily in my gut.

Just as I was about to give up, though, sure that it wasn't going to work, the urn began to tremble.

"Oh god, Emma," Snow said, her voice shaky and alive with her nerves. "I think it's working."

I swallowed thickly, my eyes still glued to the urn. It trembled and rocked on the ground and then suddenly, a blinding beam of white light shot upward and out of the top of the urn. Snow and I both jumped back, scrambling to put some space between ourselves and the urn as the ceramic began to crack and chip, little fissures rippling through the sides. The brightness of the white light only intensified as it began to spill through the cracks in the urn, pushing at its sides as if desperate to break free. And then it did.

I quickly grabbed Henry and tucked him into my body as we all turned and ducked for cover. I shielded Henry as best I could as the urn exploded, sharp pieces of ceramic shooting outward and flying in all directions. I hissed in pain as I felt several of the shards hit my back with such a force that a few actually managed to tear through the material of my jacket and shirt and embed in my flesh. It hurt like hell, but I just kept my head down and my body wrapped around my son, making sure to keep him protected.

The entire forest lit up around us as the white light burned so brightly that it stung my eyes even though I wasn't facing it. Once I was sure that the threat of flying shards had passed, I turned around and immediately had to squint and throw a hand up to shield my eyes from the intensity of the light. I forced myself to keep staring into it, though, because I needed to see what was happening.

My heart hammered against my ribcage as I watched the massive ball of light rise into the air and begin to swirl. Its shape rippled and morphed, expanding and expanding until it elongated into a bright white silhouette of a woman floating in the air, just a few feet off the ground. And then the light slowly began to dim.

As it faded, the tanned tone of flesh became more and more visible, painting the silhouette still floating in the air. My heart fucking exploded in my chest as Regina's unmistakable features began to appear on the form, limbs shaping, skin darkening a bit, dark and beautiful locks of hair forming atop the figure's head, and then her face. Regina's gorgeous face, chocolate eyes and supple lips, became more and more defined by the second.

Snow, Regina, and I all gasped in unison and I quickly slapped a hand over Henry's eyes as the light then faded entirely and the perfect form of Regina Mills floated gently down to lay upon the ground. And every inch of her was as naked as the day she was born.

Her body had been bare during the time of cremation because they had only just performed the autopsy earlier that day; that, and I figured it would have been stupid to burn a perfectly good outfit of hers. I guess it wouldn't have mattered since, at the time, I didn't think she'd ever need them again, but it just didn't feel right. Regina had always loved her clothes.

Every single inch of me was on fire in that moment. Pure fucking joy was coursing through my veins harder and faster than ever, and my head was dizzy. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It worked. It actually worked, and my soul was practically screaming its bliss. My entire life had gone to hell in the last seven months. I'd nearly died, and then I'd nearly killed myself via starvation and insomnia, and had just driven myself to the absolute brink of madness and self-destruction…and all for this. All for Regina. All for saving the love of my life. And here she was, laid out for me like the most beautiful, perfect opportunity I had ever seen, just waiting for me to bring her to life.

I heard David cough roughly as he inched toward me with one arm slung over his eyes and the other arm holding his coat out for me to take. I took it from him with my free hand, thanking him, before saying, "Henry, I'm going to move my hand now, but keep your eyes closed or turn around."

"Why?" He asked, because he didn't have a clue as to why I'd covered his eyes in the first place. He hadn't had time to see Regina's body before my hand was smacking into his face. "Is something wrong with her? Didn't it work the way it was supposed to?"

"Oh, it worked," I told him. "It's just…well, you should keep your eyes closed unless you want to see your mom naked."

"Ew gross!" Henry shrieked, making an overly dramatic gagging noise as he quickly turned around and away from Regina's body.

"Well, not exactly what I was thinking, but okay," I said, as Snow and Regina chuckled at Henry's reaction as well as mine.

I quickly stepped over to cover Regina's body with David's coat, to offer her some discretion, but just as I was about to crouch down to do so, Regina stepped up behind me and softly whispered, "If you weren't thinking the same as Henry, dear, then what exactly _were _you thinking?"

I couldn't help but laugh as I turned to look at her and saw that sexy-as-hell smirk firmly in place and that eyebrow arched. "Something more along the lines of _DAAAAAAAAAAAMN,_" I told her quietly and my heart nearly jumped right out of my chest when her lips parted in a gorgeous, albeit cocky as hell, smile.

"Good answer," she said, offering me a subtle wink that lit my entire body on fire.

Oh god, I needed to get this whole kiss-the-corpse thing over with so that I could get on to the real kissing...and the real...other things.

I turned back to the body, but when I bent forward, I couldn't help but howl in pain. The shards in my back twisted a bit as I bent, and I nearly passed out. "Fuck!" I shouted, reaching back a hand to try and get to the damn things and yank them out, but I couldn't reach them.

I heard Regina gasp from behind me, and I assumed that she had only just seen the shards and realized that I was wounded. "Snow, help her," Regina commanded sharply even though her bossy ass _knew_ that no one could hear her but me.

Snow didn't really need to hear her, though, because concern was already etched into her features as she crossed over to me quickly and grabbed David's coat from my hand. She laid it gently across Regina's body before telling both David and Henry that they were free to turn around, and then she turned back to me. She, of course, had to gasp dramatically, too, as she walked around behind me and stared at my back.

"Oh honey, I knew you were standing too close," she said in a tone so motherly that it made my heart clench.

"Well, pull them out," I growled, growing impatient, because I had a damn True Love that I needed to be kissing and bringing back to life circa _now. _

"I'm not sure if I should," Snow said cautiously. "You might bleed out or something!"

"I'm not going to bleed out," I told her, rolling my eyes. "Just yank them out and I'll heal myself…or you know, I'll try."

"Or you could just yank them out, and then Mom could heal you since, you know, she will be alive again in a few minutes," Henry deadpanned as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"EVEN BETTER!" I shouted enthusiastically. "Regina, our kid is a _genius_," I added, and I simply could not wipe the smile off of my face, because Henry's words were echoing through my mind over and over and reminding me that I was going to have my True Love in my arms in a mere matter of minutes. I was going to be able to touch her and have her touch me in return. I was going to be able to hold her and kiss her and feel her heartbeat and hear her breathing. And I just couldn't freaking contain my joy in that moment.

"I'm aware, dear," Regina said, and though I couldn't see her face, I knew that she was smiling too.

"Your father should probably do this," Snow announced, and then I heard David shuffling forward.

He placed a firm hand on my shoulder to brace me and I felt one of the shards move a bit, signifying that he had wrapped his other hand around it. I grit my teeth at the pain and nodded when he said, "I'm sorry, Em. This is going to hurt a lot. Are you ready?"

As soon as I nodded, David pulled on the shard, hard and fast. I howled in pain as it ripped out of my back with a loud squelching sound, blood instantly soaking down my shirt and sticking to my flesh. I panted for air as the pain knocked the breath out of my lungs, and I threw out an arm to my right. Snow was instantly wrapping her hand in mine and squeezing tightly.

"You're okay," she cooed at me. "Just one more. It's big, but it's the last one."

"Just try and breathe, honey," David said and then before I even had time to brace myself, he was jerking the last and largest shard out of my back from just under my shoulder blade. I couldn't hold in my scream. It ripped from my throat and echoed through the woods, and my vision blurred as I teetered for a moment on the edge of consciousness. Both Snow and David wrapped their hands around my arms to hold me steady as I swayed back and forth on my feet, bile rising in my throat from the pain.

"Emma…" I heard Regina's sweet voice filter into my ears and warm my entire body. It spilled into me and blasted right through my pain, pulling my focus forward and reminding me that I still had something I needed to do. I clenched my teeth tightly and took several deep, steadying breaths before nodding to Snow, and both she and David released their holds on my arms and back.

I turned to Regina then, and though pain was still coursing through my back, I locked eyes with her and managed a smile. "I'm okay," I reassured her and the tension in her face eased greatly. She let out a sigh of relief and smiled softly at me as she nodded. "Are you ready to be alive again?" I asked her.

Her eyes lit up then and I couldn't help but laugh as she teasingly said, "I'm quite excited actually. I never had a chance to experience the whole True Love's kiss, burst of energy, gasping breath of life thing. I hear it's quite the _magical _experience."

I rolled my eyes as I cracked up at her and said, "Smart ass."

When I turned back to Regina's body on the ground and carefully lowered myself down to my knees, mindful of the injuries in my back, a whole hoard of emotions assaulted me all at once—anxiety, wonder, excitement, fear, joy, hope, love…just everything. This was it.

I literally heard every single intake of breath sound from behind me as everyone waited for me to kiss Regina's body and bring her back to life. I took in my own heavy breath before leaning down until my lips hovered just above hers. I let my gaze wander over her gorgeous face for just a moment before I summoned all the love I had in me, closed my eyes, and—

"That's not going to work, dearie." A familiar voice echoed through the woods around us, effectively breaking the moment. I jerked my head up before my lips could touch Regina's and instantly locked eyes with Mr. Gold who was standing just a few feet away from us beside the large trunk of a massive tree. Talk about bad timing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him as Snow and David drew closer to me, both as shocked as I was to see the man there. Dread instantly began to pool in my gut, because if Rumplestiltskin, of all people, was saying that the kiss wouldn't work, then…well, it most likely wouldn't. And that just wasn't acceptable. There was no way that we could've come this far only to fail now.

"I was just doing a spot of gardening when I 'saw the light', so to speak," he said sarcastically, referring to the blinding white light that had blasted from the urn. "I must say, dearie, I'm rather impressed."

"With?" I asked dryly, wishing the guy would get to the point already.

"I, myself, never even considered the possibility of restoring the body with the waters of Lake Nostos," he said, tilting his head forward as if to commend us for the idea.

"Yeah well, it worked, so why wouldn't the kiss?" I snapped out at him. "You said that I was Regina's True Love, so it should work, right?"

"And it would certainly have proven successful had this happened within seconds of our dearly departed queen's death, while her soul still lived within the confines of her physical form," he told us. I heard Regina scoff loudly behind me and could just imagine her dramatic eye-roll in that moment. "However, as both you and I can see, Ms. Swan, Regina's soul has long since separated from her body."

"So, are you saying that there's no way to bring her back?" I asked him. "True Love's kiss won't work?"

Gold's eyes seemed to glitter in that moment as he stared at me curiously. He was silent several long moments before he finally said, "I previously believed it impossible, but seeing as how you have actually managed to restore the body, there may be a way. The chances are still quite slim; however, you may just have what it takes to manage it, Ms. Swan."

"I do," I said firmly, no doubt in my mind that I could and would do whatever was necessary to bring Regina back. "Tell me how."

"Oh, I've already told you how, dearie," he said smartly, "many months ago. It wouldn't have mattered much then, but it is your only chance now."

"Get to the damn point," Regina growled out at him.

"Patience, dearie," he said, mockingly, as he smirked at Regina. He then turned back to me and explained, "The answer is simple: a potion. You may remember me mentioning it during our little chat in the hospital, and you more like than likely skipped right over said potion in many of the books you spent your days and nights scouring through, if the titles Belle mentioned to me were accurate."

Anger ripped through my body and boiled in my fucking veins as I took in his words, realizing that I had overlooked the answer god only fucking knows how many times. I closed my eyes and thought back to that day in the hospital and the conversation I'd had with Mr. Gold, trying as hard as I could to remember the details of the conversation.

Something about planes of existence, blah, blah, blah. And only three ways for a soul to stay on the plane of the living…one was True Love, obviously. I definitely remembered that one considering that it was the reason Regina was there beside me. But the other two ways? Fuck, what were the other two? I clenched my eyes tightly as I tried to shut out everything around me and just focus on the memory. A curse…was that one of them? Yeah, yes! A curse cast to keep a soul from moving on. And the last one…a potion to…to…damn.

Wait!

"The potion that lets someone visit the ghostly plane!" I exclaimed much louder than I had actually intended. I heard literally everyone behind me gasp, but Gold just smirked, his eyes glittering in that creepy way they always did.

"Well done, Ms. Swan," he said, nodding his head.

My nerves were like sticks of dynamite in that moment, and every single fuse was lit. I was practically shaking as the answers unfolded in front of me. "And you can make this potion?" I asked him, though I had no doubt that he could.

"Indeed I can."

"No, Emma," Snow suddenly cut in. I whipped my head around to face her and asked, "What the hell do you mean 'no'?"

"He has a price," Snow answered solemnly. "He always has a price."

"Yes, Rumple, what is your price?" Regina asked, sneering at the man.

"Yeah, name it," I chimed in.

"Well, dearies, it may come as a shock to you all, but this particular deal requires no payment," he said, and he was right, because it did shock the hell out of all of us.

Regina snorted in disbelief and asked, "And the catch?"

"There isn't one," Gold told her. "As ugly as much of our history is, Regina, I did not actually wish you dead."

"You sent a wraith after me!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, the wraith was not one of my finer moments," he said with a tilt of his head. "However, Belle has helped me to realize that though you deceived me, it is not you who owes a debt to me. It is I who owes one to you."

"Meaning?" Regina asked dryly. Snow, David, and Henry all stood there looking puzzled as hell since they could only hear half of the conversation, and though I was actually clued in to the entire thing, I kept quiet; not only because I wanted to hear Gold's reasoning, but because I knew that this was a moment long overdue for both Regina and Gold.

"Meaning, dearie, that I am responsible for you," he said. "You committed many evils, including what you did to Belle, but you never would have committed a single one of them had I not manipulated you into doing so, had I not twisted your innocence and shaped you into the Evil Queen."

Regina's gasp in that moment absolutely broke my heart. I turned to look at her and saw that there were tears in her eyes as she stared at the man. It wasn't hard to guess that that was the first time that Gold had ever admitted, let alone taken responsibility for, what he'd done to Regina when she was young and still pure of heart. Nearly her entire life, people had hated her and called her evil, and yet no one had ever even thought about how she got that way. It absolutely shredded my heart.

"And that is why I shall provide the potion for free," he finished as he nodded to Regina and then to me.

I took a deep breath and though I hated to jump into the middle of the moment they were having, I just couldn't tamp down my anxiety or my impatience any longer. "Well then, bring on the potion and let's get this over with," I chimed.

Several minutes passed with Gold and Regina just staring at each other before the man turned to lock eyes with me and said, "Come now, Ms. Swan. Surely you know by now that nothing is ever _that _easy."


	19. Chapter 19: The Trials Ahead

**A/N: Hello friends. Thank you to everyone who continues to read and review this story. It truly means more than I can say. I'm happy to know that you are all enjoying the story thus far. This is a very lighthearted chapter, and then chapter 20 will begin Emma's trip to the ghostly plane, so I hope you are all excited for it!**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "10,000 Stones" by Adrianne. Give it a shot. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Nineteen: The Trials Ahead

I couldn't keep my knees still as I sat in a chair in the back of Gold's shop waiting for him to finish this potion that was supposedly going to help me get Regina back. I kept my head planted in my hands, my elbows rooted to my knees, and my knees bouncing nervously. I wasn't in pain since Gold had healed my wounds, but I was still far from comfortable. I stared at the floor and tried to calm my heart, tried to tell myself that this would work, that I would make it work no matter what. I tried to keep myself centered and confident, but all the damn what-ifs running through my head were like a barrage of bullets ripping rapidly through me and shredding through each of my hopes. It was driving me mad.

"Ma," I heard Henry say softly, and my head snapped up. He was standing just in front of me, his face showing his fear, and staring at me worriedly.

"Hey kid," I said, internally cursing myself for the way my voice shook. Then again, there was really no point in trying to pretend like I wasn't scared, because hell yes I was scared. I wasn't really afraid of the ghostly plane or whatever; then again, Gold hadn't told me much about it yet. I was mostly afraid that this wasn't going to work, and I truly felt like it was my last and only real chance at saving Regina.

Henry glanced quickly to the sides of me but there were no other chairs available, which I noticed when I followed his gaze. So, I leaned back in my chair and patted my leg for him to sit in my lap. It wasn't something that Henry and I ever did. I was never really the overly affectionate type, though we did share frequent hugs, and I was pretty sure that Henry considered himself too old to sit in my lap, but this was a tense day and a special exception. We were both scared, and we both needed the comfort of the other.

He didn't hesitate when he stepped forward and dropped down to sit on my lap. As soon as he was seated, he instantly leaned into me, dropping his head on my shoulder, and I laid my own head on top of his. I wrapped my arms around my kid and just squeezed, because I needed to ground myself to something, someone.

"Are you scared?" he asked me quietly, his voice barely more than a puff of air on my neck.

"Yeah, kid," I answered honestly. "I'm pretty scared."

"Me too," he told me, "but you can do it. I believe in you."

"As do I," I heard Regina say as she suddenly appeared right in front of me, crouching down to be eye level with me. She smiled softly at me and of course it made those damn butterflies in my stomach flutter madly, but it didn't abate my anxiety.

I sighed heavily and honestly admitted, "I feel like Mario."

Regina's brows instantly furrowed, and I realized that she didn't have a clue who Mario was. Henry, though, immediately caught on. "Yeah, totally," he said, nodding his head against my chest.

"Who is Mario?" Regina then asked, her brows still furrowed.

I couldn't help but laugh a bit at her confusion. "Henry, your mom doesn't know how Mario is," I said, poking at his sides.

He erupted in giggles, the sound beautifully comforting my heart in that moment. "I know. It's just sad," he teased, knowing Regina was nearby even though he couldn't see her.

"Right? I mean, seriously Regina…you spend almost three decades in America and you don't play a single video game, not even Mario? That's like a borderline crime," I said, and both Henry and I cracked up again.

Regina rolled her eyes dramatically though I could see the way her lips quirked up at the corners. She was happy to have us laughing again. I knew that much. I could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at Henry and me in that moment…like we were the most beautiful things she had ever laid eyes on. It made me feel so much more alive than ever before, like I finally had a family of my own. It meant more to me than I ever would have been able to tell her, so I just kept my mouth closed and enjoyed the moment.

"My apologies, dear," Regina said dryly. "I was under the impression that I was an adult and those games were meant for children. Then again, I suppose the fact that you play them only supports that idea."

She grinned wickedly at me then, and I just stuck my tongue out at her. God, she was beautiful. I couldn't wait to hold her. I'd give anything just to hold her, just to touch her, just to feel her one more time, even if I couldn't have her forever.

"Perhaps you could simply explain what you meant by saying you felt like this Mario character," she continued, "rather than teasing me incessantly."

I smiled softly at her then and nudged Henry. "Hey," I said, "explain to your mom why I feel like Mario."

Henry giggled again and said, "Mario is always on a mission to save the princess, because she was kidnapped by the bad guy, Bowser. So, he goes through all this hard stuff, running through land after land and fighting off goombas and koopas, uh…those are like mean mushrooms and turtles, and stuff, until he gets to Bowser's castle. He defeats Bowser only to find out that the princess was hidden in a different castle and he has to go on another mission to find her. Get it?"

I couldn't help grinning the entire time Henry was talking about Mario. God, he was so my kid sometimes. But when I glanced at Regina to see if she understood, my grin exploded into a roar of laughter, which caught everyone's attentions in the room. Snow and David, and even Gold, turned to look at me as if I was crazy, laughing at a time like this, but I didn't care. It felt good, and damn…Regina's facial expression was just priceless. She was looking at Henry as if he had multiple heads and then she looked at me as if I had to be one of the strangest or dumbest people she'd ever met. It was hilarious, because she followed that look by asking, "You feel like you've been running around fighting mushrooms and turtles?"

Henry popped his head off my shoulder and grinned at me as I laughed. "She didn't get it, did she?"

I couldn't even stop laughing long enough to answer him, so I just shook my head and continued cracking up, which easily had Henry cracking up seconds later, and finally after a few minutes of us giggling childishly together, we were both able to pull it together. Regina looked annoyed as hell as she glared at me, that eyebrow arched and her lips dramatically pursed, and it almost had me cracking up all over again. "Relax, babe," I told her, and as soon as the words left my mouth, both my eyebrows and Regina's shot into our hairlines.

"Babe?" she asked, surprised, but there was a beautiful smile beginning to stretch her lips.

"Uh, just sort of slipped out," I told her, unable to stop my own grin from forming. "I'd call you something fancy or elegant like you always call me, but don't you think I'd sound a bit dumb saying something like 'darling'? It's hot when you say it, but I think I'd just sound like a serious poser."

Regina just chuckled at me as she shook her head. "Whatever works for you, love."

"See?"

"Yeah, don't say 'darling'," Henry chimed in, and I nodded in understanding. "It sounds weird. Mom used to call me darling and she just sounded…I don't know…you know, like Mom. But you just sound like a wannabe."

"Gee thanks, kid," I said dryly, poking playfully at Henry's sides as Regina laughed at both of us.

"So, _anyway_," I said, "back to Mario. The point was that I feel like I've been constantly trying to find a way to save my princess, but every time I get close to actually doing it, something happens and I realize that I have to basically start all over again. It's maddening."

"I see," Regina said softly, smiling sadly at me as she reached out a hand and hovered it over my knee. The sight of it was comforting, but I would've moved heaven and earth just to feel the weight of it in that moment, just to feel the friction of her touch. I needed it like I needed air in my lungs. "Well, just to be clear, dear," she added, "_you _are the only princess here. _I_ am a queen."

She winked at me as she rose to full height again, and then she turned to walk back over to where Snow and David were watching Gold make the potion. She called out to me over her shoulder as she went, saying, "Oh, and Emma, I'm glad you aren't actually Mario. Red overalls and a mustache wouldn't be a good look for you."

I gasped loudly and shouted, "You _KNOW_ who Mario is!"

Henry's head snapped up off my shoulder again, his face riddled with shock after hearing what I'd said. "She does?" he asked in disbelief.

"She played us, kid," I said, narrowing my eyes as I heard Regina laugh loudly as she walked away. I couldn't help but grin, though, because the fact that Regina Mills secretly knew who Mario was, implying that she may have possibly played the games before, only made her like fifty times hotter to me. Damn, I loved that woman more every day. "She totally played us."

* * *

When Gold was finished brewing the potion, he ladled some out and poured it into a small cup. The potion was black and looked like liquid death, and just thinking about drinking it made my stomach churn. Great, like I really needed _another_ thing to be concerned about.

"So, I won't actually have to go to the ghostly plane, right?" I asked him as I took the cup he was holding out. "I mean, Regina isn't on the ghostly plane. She's here. So, I can just drink the potion and then my ghost can kiss her ghost and it will all be good, right?"

"Not quite, Ms. Swan," Gold said. "As I told you before, nothing is ever that easy."

"Yeah, of course it's not," I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

"So, she will actually have to travel to the ghostly plane?" Snow asked, worry lacing her tone.

"Indeed," Gold confirmed before turning back to me. "Regina's soul only remains on this plane because it recognizes that yours is here as well and still remains within your body. Once you take the potion, however, and your soul separates from your body, Regina's soul will instantly recognize as much and will begin the process of moving on. She will immediately transport to the ghostly plane, and then your soul will follow, drawn there by hers."

"Okay…" I said, letting out a heavy, staggered sigh. "No problem. I'll just go to the ghostly plane and kiss her there, then. Simple enough."

"Again, not quite," he said, shaking his head. "Did you read nothing of the ghostly plane during your time in the library, Ms. Swan?"

"Yeah, sure," I told him. "It's a transitional plane between life and death, meant to ease the transition from being alive to being dead. It's supposed to be a mirror of where you lived when you were alive, except, you know, there won't be anyone else there."

"I'm so confused," Henry chimed in at that point, and I could only nod because I'd managed to confuse myself, too.

"Allow me to explain," Gold said, inclining his head toward Henry. "Whenever a person dies, their soul transports to the ghostly plane just before moving on to the afterlife. The ghostly plane, as Ms. Swan said, will appear as a mirror image of whatever setting is most familiar or comforting or is considered home to the deceased person. In other words, Ms. Swan, when your soul transports to the ghostly plane, it will appear as if you are still in Storybrooke; however, the town will be empty."

"Except that I will be there as well," Regina added.

"Indeed, and both yours souls will simply accept this as nothing out of the ordinary," Rumple agreed, nodding.

"Still, easy enough right?" I threw in, unable to understand why Gold seemed so apprehensive about everything. It seemed pretty simple to me. Go there, kiss her, and come back. What was so hard about that?

"Yes, Rumple, I know you have quite the flair for drama, but perhaps you could get to the point and spare us the suspenseful silences and shocking reveals," Regina snapped dryly, rolling her eyes at the man.

"You know, you never were much fun, dearie," Gold quipped at Regina, which of course made her scoff.

"That is not true!" she exclaimed. "It was my idea to pose as the peasant, which gave you the opportunity to play magical dress-up, and it was also my idea to—"

"Regina, chill out," I cut in. "You're fun, okay?"

For a moment, I was sure that she was going to have an actual childish moment and stick her tongue out at Gold, but instead she just smirked at him and said, "See?" before she turned back to me and said, "Thank you, darling."

Henry, having only caught my part of the conversation, said, "Oh yeah, she can be really fun. She used to make up all kinds of games for us to play when I was little."

Regina's smile only grew at that, until, of course, Snow spoke up. "Yes, and she used to play hide-and-seek with me in the hidden corridors of the castle!" Snow exclaimed brightly.

Everyone's expressions pretty much showed their surprise at that one. I turned to look at Regina, my eyebrow arched. Her face had gone completely crimson as she ducked her head and said, "That never happened. She's lying."

I cracked up at that, and even Gold laughed at a bit, which was surprising but only made the moment funnier. "Shall we move on already?!" Regina barked after a few minutes of us laughing.

"Very well," Gold said as he turned back to me to explain the big bad of the ghostly plane. "As previously mentioned, the ghostly plane serves as a transitional phase between life and death. As such, it is meant to make you feel comfortable and at home as you move into the afterlife. This is accomplished by simple trickery."

"Trickery?" David asked. "How can you trick a soul?"

"Well, a soul is nothing more than an extension of a person, dearie," Gold answered. "Just as you can be tricked, your soul can be tricked as well. Your soul is your mind. It is your personality, your thoughts, your beliefs, your morals, and your emotions. This is why souls can cry and laugh. It is why they still can converse and process thought. As such, trickery is quite simple. The soul is tricked into believing that the ghostly plane is home, so that they become comfortable there and hardly notice the transition to the afterlife."

"So, how will that affect me?" I asked him, suddenly really wary of what I was about to do.

"Minutes will pass as years while you are on the ghostly plane, Ms. Swan," he said. "With the passing of a single minute, you will feel as if you have lived there for a year, thus ten minutes will feel as a decade. Most souls spend less than an hour on the ghostly plane before moving on permanently, and yet in only thirty minutes, they feel as if they've lived thirty years there. If you are unable to remain grounded and focused upon your task, you _will _lose yourself in the ghostly plane, Ms. Swan. You will become convinced that _that _version of Storybrooke and _that_ life is quite real, and you will forget your task. You will forget your purpose, and your soul will let go of your true reality and accept the one created by the ghostly plane. And if that happens, dearie, then there is no coming back. Your soul will accept the transition, and you will move on, effectively losing your life."

Henry, Snow, and David all gasped, and Snow instantly had tears in her eyes. I could only stand there and stare, the weight of Gold's words crashing over me like a tidal wave. Fear was like a living beast inside me, thrashing and growling and gnawing at my gut. I was fucking terrified, and when I glanced up at Regina where she stood at my side, her face basically mirrored what I felt inside. She looked more afraid than I'd ever seen her, and it made my heart ache terribly in my chest, because I knew she was going to ask me not to do it. She was going to ask me not to risk my life, because Henry would need at least one mother, and she was going to say that we could learn to live with what we had. I just knew she was going to deny me this chance.

But then she looked up at me, her eyes full of tears, and said something that completely and utterly shocked me. "We will find each other," she said, her voice full of confidence despite the terror etched into her features.

Tears spilled down my cheeks even as I laughed. "Okay, Prince Charming," I teased quietly so that my parents wouldn't overhear. "I feel like Snow White instead of her daughter, or I guess Cinderella since I'm blonde." I poked fun at her even though really I just wanted to kiss her for those words, because they meant more to me than I could ever say. They gave me hope, and they made me realize that Regina believed in our love more than I ever thought she had or would. It meant everything to me, and it made all the difference in the world.

She rolled her eyes at me and said, "Well, if the shoe fits, darling."

"Oh, you will certainly find each other," Gold interjected, obviously annoyed with our banter. "Your souls will be drawn to one another. It is the actual meeting that may serve as an obstacle."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"I mean that the ghostly plane shows you what your soul recognizes as most familiar," he answered me, which only confused me more. "I cannot be positive, but it is a rather large possibility that when you find one another on the ghostly plane, you most likely will not know each other as you do now, as each other's True Love. You will most likely revert back to your former relationship—the incessant bickering and apparent loathing, because that is how you knew each other and interacted when you were _both _alive."

"Shit," I blurted, unable to stop myself.

"Indeed," Regina agreed.

"Emma, I don't know about this," Snow chimed in and I turned to see tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm scared. I want you to save Regina, honey, but not at the expense of your own life. What about Henry?"

"I think you have to do it," Henry quickly interjected. "I mean, I'm scared, too, but I need both of you, and I believe that you can find one another and remember who you really are. I believe you can do this, Ma, and you too, Mom. I believe in both of you."

"I agree with Henry," David added, which caught Snow off guard, of course. He then placed his hands on Snow's shoulders and said, "True Love never fails, Snow. You know this as well as I. Emma will find her. They will find each other, just as you and I always have. You have to have faith."

There was a long moment of silence before Snow let out a heavy sigh and nodded her head. As soon as I saw her nod, I carried the cup of disgusting black potion over to the empty chair in the corner of the room and sat down. "Alright, let's do this then," I said as I got myself comfortable.

I sat the cup down on the floor beside me and called Henry over quickly. I wrapped him up in my arms and kissed his cheek. I held him tightly, because if things didn't go the way they were supposed to, there was a very big chance that I might not be coming back, and I wanted him to know how much he meant to me. "I love you so much, kid," I whispered into his ear. "You're the best thing I ever did in my life."

I heard him sniffle as he squeezed me tightly and said, "I love you too, Ma."

After similar moments with both my parents, I picked the cup up from the floor and took a heavy breath. Regina suddenly appeared right in front of me, tears filling her wide, chocolate eyes as she smiled softly at me. "I love you," she whispered. "In case I forget while we are there and am terrible to you, I want you to know that I love you."

"I love you too," I told her and we stared into each other's eyes for a long time, just soaking in the recognition of one another in case we lost it after I drank that damn potion.

Gold cleared his throat, which effectively shook us from our reverie, and I glared at him before turning back to Regina. "See you on the other side then?"

She nodded as she continued to look into my eyes, and I just barely registered Gold saying, "Keep your focus, Ms. Swan, and don't forget why you are doing this," before I brought the cup to my lips and tipped it back.


	20. Chapter 20: Sleepy, Little Town

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "The Chain" by Ingrid Michaelson. Give it a shot if you like. I hope you all enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty: Sleepy, Little Town

Ugh god. The potion tasted like ass. It slipped down my throat, thick and slow, and it took all I had to keep it down. Still, I gagged. Audibly. I just couldn't help myself. It was nasty. Everyone was watching me like I was some kind of wild animal about to pounce. They were all wide eyes and biting lips and anxious postures, which yeah…wasn't helping me feel confident and focused at all. It was just freaking me the hell out.

I locked gazes with Regina as I waited for something to happen, and she, unlike the others, was fucking perfect. She didn't look at me like I was about to explode. Instead, she just smiled softly at me and her eyes were filled with nothing but love and confidence. I knew it was a show, because I knew her. She was just as terrified as I was, but she was always trying to be strong for me, and god I loved her for it. I had never in my life needed that more than I did in that moment, so I was thankful beyond words.

It was only a few seconds before I started to feel different. My skin felt weird and tingly, but not in the good way. It was more like when getting pricked with a needle, except all over my body. And then the nausea hit. My stomach clenched so forcefully that I doubled over in my chair, a heavy groan ripping from my throat. The dizziness set in after that, and everything around me blurred in and out of focus so quickly that I had to bite the hell out of my tongue just to focus on something else long enough to keep from blowing chunks every which way. The room then grew unbearably hot, to the point that it made me want to scratch at my fucking skin just to try to get the heat off of me, but just when I thought I couldn't take it any longer, the temperature flipped and my teeth were chattering with the cold.

"Oh god, make it stop," I groaned out as I clutched at my stomach and clenched my eyes closed to keep from having to see the room spin.

I vaguely registered the concerned voices of Snow and Henry in the background, but then there was one voice that actually did cut through the haze in my head and the pain in my body. _Regina_.

"Emma, hold on," she said softly, and I could hear the overwhelming ache in her voice as if just seeing me like this caused her immense pain. "It will pass soon, dear."

It was getting hard to breathe, and just thinking as much made me panic. I tried to suck in deeper, faster breaths, but it felt like I couldn't get any air in at all, and suddenly my entire body just felt so heavy. It was like I was drowning or suffocating or being fucking buried alive beneath the weight of the world as my entire body screamed its ache, and my chest felt like it might burst open any second as my lungs popped like balloons pressed to points.

And then I was weightless. The pain was suddenly just gone. It didn't fade or ebb away; it was just instantly gone. One second I felt like I was dying, and the next I was…

I opened my eyes slowly to see that I was standing, even though I couldn't remember ever getting up out of my chair, and then my eyes found Regina's. There was a smile on her face the size of a fucking ocean, and it made everything feel so…possible, so beautiful.

"Hi," she whispered to me.

"Hi," I said in return. God, she was beautiful. She took a step toward me, and when she moved, I caught a glimpse of everything behind her, and the reality of the situation hit me again. There was my body, collapsed in the chair behind where Regina was now standing.

WHOA! Talk about a fucking head rush. I don't care what insane experiences anyone has had in life—nothing, repeat NOTHING, has ever been or could ever be more intensely crazy than seeing your own body and not being, you know…like, _IN _it.

Judging by the way Snow, David, and Henry were just staring at my inanimate body, I guessed they couldn't see me standing there in spirit form. Gold could, though, as I locked gazes with him and he nodded his head as if to say good luck or something, and I just nodded in return.

Really, though? I was thinking more along the lines of…well, what now?

"I think we can touch now," I heard Regina whisper, and I knew if I had a heart in that moment, it would have leapt out of my fucking chest and arrested on the floor. My head snapped back around as she took another step toward me, and we were just a few feet from one another now.

"Oh god," I whispered, and it only made her smile grow. She laughed softly and nodded as she took another step. "I've wanted this for so long," I told her, not even caring that Gold could hear me, because in that moment, all that existed in the world was me and Regina, and the way she was moving toward me was so fucking mesmerizing that I couldn't move. And god, I didn't want to.

"So have I," she told me softly, and tears spilled down both our cheeks as we held each other's gazes and smiled like we'd just discovered the meaning of life or something, but then I realized that…well, maybe we had. Because I swear—the way I yearned for her, the way I loved her…it had to be the meaning of something, something maybe even larger than life.

We were only inches from each other now, and I lifted my hand slowly, reaching toward her. Just as my fingers went to caress her cheek, though, Regina suddenly stumbled backward, groaning in pain. She clutched fiercely at her chest as tears suddenly ripped from her eyes. I tried to move toward her to help, but her entire body began to flicker like a digital picture with bad reception.

"Regina!" I exclaimed. "Regina, what's happening?"

She gasped loudly as she whispered, "Emma, don't forget," and then she was gone.

Fear rocketed through my system, racing through my veins like liquid fire. A thousand what-if scenarios spilled through my head, all the ways that this could go wrong and I could lose Regina forever or Henry could lose us both. I did my best to push them away, but I felt like I might just melt into a puddle and drown any second in the endless pool of worries that swam around inside me. I couldn't remember ever being more afraid in my entire life than I was in that moment.

"Well, did it work?" I heard Henry ask, but Gold ignored him. His beady eyes were fixed on me.

I locked gazes with him and asked, "She's on the ghostly plane now, right?"

He nodded and said, "And it appears you are about to join her."

I glanced quickly down at myself to see that my own body was flickering in the same way that Regina's had only moments before she disappeared, and though I tried to calm myself and focus on only thoughts of Regina, my panic was growing out of control. The pressure of it just kept building and building, and then the pawn shop disappeared and everything went black.

* * *

I stretched my limbs out as far as I could, reaching out my hands and curling my toes until my muscles started to burn and cramp. I rolled over in bed and buried my face into my pillow, groaning as I fought against the steadily waking state of my brain. I fucking hated getting up early. It was basically the only thing about being Sheriff that I'd never approved of. Well, that and paperwork.

After whining loudly to only myself for a good ten minutes, I finally forced myself to get up and out of bed. I threw my hair into a messy ponytail and lazily changed into jeans, a casual button-up, boots, and my red leather jacket, before grabbing my gun, badge, and keys and heading out. No doubt it would be another slow, boring day at the station, but I didn't mind so much. I basically got paid to sit around, only really jumping into any kind of action if there was an accident or a crime, which of course there never was. Storybrooke was such a sleepy, little town. It was peaceful and quiet, and really…there was hardly a need for a Sheriff at all.

When I got to the station, I rifled through the endless stacks of files on my desk, pretending to care about paperwork. I was at least two weeks behind on the crap, which meant that I should really use my current free time to get it all out of the way, but then again, I was pretty sure that my paperwork being late was a serious pain in the almighty Madame Mayor's ass. So, that was _obviously _all the more reason to procrastinate just a little longer. There was really nothing more entertaining than pissing off the Mayor.

So, instead of taking care of the more secretarial aspects of my job, I popped open the bottom drawer on my desk and pulled out the small, bright-orange, foam basketball that I kept there. I kicked off from my desk so that my chair took me flying to the center of the room, and I narrowed my eyes toward the small plastic basketball hoop hanging on the door of the bathroom before tossing the ball. When it swished through the tiny net, I threw up my hands and cheered myself on, of course, cupping my hands to my mouth and breathing loudly to mimic the echoing sounds of a roaring crowd. It was really a good thing that I didn't have a foam _football_ and a little plastic end-zone, because it was practically guaranteed that I'd be spending my Sheriff shifts doing sporadic and intensely dramatic end-zone touchdown dances. Then again, maybe I should look into it, because that would be epic in the best way.

I lined up for another shot, leaning as far back in my chair as possible without tipping so that I could get a better arc on my shot, and just as I released the ball into the air, the loud clearing of a throat echoed through the room. The sound caught me so off guard that I just completely flipped over backwards in the chair I was already leaning back in. I crashed heavily to the ground, cursing loudly as my back and ass smacked roughly against the hard, tile floor. That was definitely going to leave a few bruises.

I shuffled around quickly to get up from the floor and just_ had_ to roll my eyes as I took in the sight of the Mayor leaning regally against the doorframe and smirking amusedly at me. "How many points for that, Sheriff Swan?" she drawled as she practically mocked me with her eyes. "I'm not expected to cheer, am I? I believe laughter is more along the lines of an appropriate reaction to such a display of idiocy."

I scoffed at her because the woman seriously couldn't go a day without seeking me out, and most of the time, it was just to insult the hell out of me before sauntering off in her impossibly high, fuck-me heels without a damn care in the world. "What do you want, Regina?" I snapped as I straightened out my shirt and rubbed absentmindedly at my back and ass, which only furthered the smug Mayor's amusement. Whatever.

"I'm here to collect your paperwork, Sheriff, as you seem incapable of faxing or emailing it in a timely manner," Regina answered, arching her brow at the blonde. "Simply hand it over, and I will be on my way. I would hate for you to miss the second half or quarter or whatever of your little game. So many grand opportunities to fall on your ass."

I literally snorted as I shrugged my shoulders carelessly. "Well, sorry Madame Mayor, but the paperwork's not done," I told her, internally smirking as I watched her facial features instantly harden, her eyes growing dark and cold. "I'll get it to you sometime at the beginning of next week."

"Sheriff Swan," Regina snapped, her words clipped and her tone deadly, "if you cannot handle the responsibilities of this position, then perhaps you aren't quite so suited to hold it. You have until tomorrow, or—"

"Thursday," I interjected, and it took every bit of self-control I had to keep from laughing out loud as steam practically billowed out of the woman's ears. She looked like she was about a second away from blowing a gasket.

"I have a job I must attend to as well, if you care to know," the Mayor hissed, her voice venomous and her glare like ice, "and I cannot complete _my _job if you do not complete _yours_. Don't let my son's deluded fascination with you inflate your ego enough to actually believe that the world revolves around you, Ms. Swan, because I can assure you that it doesn't, nor does it work strictly according to _your _schedule. You would do well to remember that this is _my _town. You are nothing more than a guest who has long overstayed her welcome."

She was all up in my personal space by the time she finished, breathing my same air and practically growling at me. It always ended up this way with us. We were always staring each other down and snarling at one another like rabid dogs. It was like it was the only way we knew how to function together or something; at least, it sure seemed that way sometimes.

If looks could kill in that moment, I'm pretty sure I would have been nothing more than a corpse on the station floor, but I didn't back down. I never did when it came to Regina Mills, and the strangest thing about that was that I didn't have a clue why. I just couldn't ever let her get the upper hand. Everything felt like a competition with the headstrong, stubborn brunette, and damn it…I wanted to win. Or maybe it was more that I just didn't want _her _to win. Some people were far too obsessed with themselves and their titles and their wealth and their power; it was people like that, like Storybrooke's rigid Mayor, that I'd always believed needed to be roughly knocked down a rung or two on the ladder of life. It was a little lesson I liked to refer to as reality.

"You will deliver your paperwork by 3 PM tomorrow," Regina barked at me, "or you will find a new a job."

She then turned dramatically on her heel and stomped an imaginary catwalk all the damn way out of the station. As soon as I heard the door slam, I dropped heavily onto the edge of my desk, several papers whooshing to the floor in the wake of my sudden movement, and I let out the longest, heaviest, most overly dramatic sigh I could manage in that moment. Sometimes being the Sheriff was damn exhausting, thanks to a single maddening, infuriating woman.

Regina fucking Mills. I absolutely loathed her.


	21. Chapter 21: All Foreign, All Familiar

**A/N: Hello friends. Just a bit of information to help you all understand these next few chapters. Time will phase rather quickly, and the line dividers will signify a passage of time. So, keep in mind that years are equivalent to minutes. For example, in the first section of this story, it is mentioned that Emma has been there 3 years, which means that 3 minutes have passed in real time since they entered the ghostly plane. So, the time is actually passing by normally, but they are made to believe that actual years are passing and accept this without question. It is the way the plane operates. I hope that makes sense. If not…well…I hope you still enjoy it. :) **

**Also, several of you have expressed that they have to "fall in love all over again". Not exactly. They simply have to REMEMBER that they are already in love. They have to remember everything that happened after Regina died and before they came to the ghostly plane. **

**Finally, you should definitely read this chapter to my chosen soundtrack of "Lightning" by Alex Goot. I hope you like it! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-One: All Foreign, All Familiar

I rang the doorbell twice AND banged on the door at least seven times just to piss Regina off. And sure enough, when the large door marked with a silver "108" swung viciously open, the chocolate eyes behind it were practically on fire. I didn't even try to hide my smirk. It was just too easy to set the woman off.

"Ms. Swan!" she barked at me. "Have you any manners at all?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but she quickly held her hand up to stop me. "Oh, there's no need to answer that," she snapped. "It must have been terribly difficult for you to learn proper manners in prison. I'm sure your lessons there were much more along the lines of homemade crack-pipe construction, toothbrush shivs, and how to hold your breath for an extended amount of time."

My jaw just fucking dropped on that last one. I mean, it smacked right into my chest. Did Regina just make a suggestive joke? Like…a suggestive _lesbian _joke? I didn't even know what to think about that, but obviously Madame Mayor thought it was hilarious. Of course she did. I was pretty sure that Regina was the only person who thought she was funny. Then again, that could have been because all her jokes consisted of degrading other people. Sort of hard to get your giggle on when she was basically calling you an addict prison-bitch to your face.

She smirked at me as I just continued to gape at her. "Do close your mouth, dear," she said dryly. "You are making it far too easy to count your many crooked teeth, and I have no desire to know how many cavities you possess, though I am sure they are quite abundant."

"Geez, Regina," I said, scoffing. "Do you always have to be such an ass?"

"Must you always be such an annoyance?" she returned, still smirking in that way that strangely always gave me simultaneous urges to smack the hell out of her or...kiss her; not that I would ever admit that to her, or anyone for that matter. I rarely ever even admitted it to myself.

I rolled my eyes at her and said, "You're the only person who thinks I'm annoying."

"I'm fairly certain that's not true," she quipped. "Now, I presume you have a reason for being here or were you simply determined to pick a fight with my front door?"

"Nope, that was it," I said, clapping my hands dramatically together before turning on my heel and heading back down the walkway, a huge grin on my face.

3…2…1…

"Sheriff Swan!" Regina snapped, and I couldn't help but laugh under my breath. So, _so_ easy. "You cannot be serious."

I actually did have a reason for being there, but it was a pretty dumb reason. I needed to get her signature on some crap forms, which definitely could have waited until office hours the next day, but I liked to bug Regina. She was a constant pain in my ass, so I liked to return the favor as often as possible.

I put a hand in the air and waved over my shoulder without turning around as I continued down the path and out of Regina's front yard. And I couldn't help but laugh out loud when she practically screamed at me from her porch, "Three years as a Sheriff and you STILL have yet to grow up!"

* * *

The air was just as cool and crisp as always, burning deliciously in my lungs as my feet pounded into the sand of the beach. I liked to run when I needed to clear my head. I'd been having a lot of strange dreams over the last few days, and they were really starting to get to me. I didn't understand a single one of them, but that could have been because they didn't actually make any sense or follow any sort of timeline or plot. They were just strange flashes of images or little clips of words, and I didn't recognize any of it, but at the same time, they all just felt so…so familiar to me. It was driving me crazy.

I breathed in and out rhythmically as my arms pumped at my sides in time with my legs. The salty, fishy scent of the ocean filtered into my nose and made it crinkle, because as comforting as the smell was at times, it could also be incredibly overwhelming and foul. I pushed my focus back to my dreams, though, so that I wouldn't be stuck on the smell for the rest of my run; not to mention the fact that I was really sort of desperate to understand the dreams. I was pretty sure, though, that I might never be able to. I mean, how was I supposed to make sense of barely-there images and words that I couldn't ever recall happening in my life despite how familiar they all felt.

The dream from the previous night was particularly disturbing. I'd seen a flash of myself lying in bed with Regina, even though that obviously had never happened nor would it ever happen. I was trying to touch her only to watch my hand go right through her. What the hell did that mean? I mean…I had punched Regina in the face so I knew she was as solid as I was, and she and I had never been any kind of intimate, not friends or lovers or even well-adjusted co-parents. We were barely co-workers most of the time, considering we spent most days bickering and telling each other how much we couldn't stand one another.

I remember distinctly saying in the dream, "I just don't get it," as I tried to touch her, and then Regina said, "For gods' sake, Emma, let it go."

That was obviously an invention of my imagination, because Regina had NEVER called me by my actual name, not once in the five years that I'd lived in Storybrooke, and I was pretty sure that she never would, even if we were dropped into like an alternate universe or something. That woman absolutely hated me, which was exactly why the very last flashing image of the dream was so bizarre. I saw just a glimpse of Regina, and it was like I was hovering over her, because I was looking down at her in the dream, and she was just smiling at me. And god…she was actually really fucking beautiful in that moment, and I could have sworn that I was going to kiss her in the dream, but just as I leaned in, I woke up.

It wasn't that I wasn't aware of Regina's physical attractiveness. I mean…really? All you needed was a pair of functioning eyes to see that, but I had never really thought of her in that way. I guess I'd always been too busy fighting with her to let myself even begin to go there. Maybe that was why the dream was getting to me so badly. Or maybe it was just my psyche trying to tell me, via my subconscious, that I desperately needed to get laid.

Why my brain had chosen Regina to fantasize about, though, I didn't have a clue. Then again, it did sort of feel like I hadn't seen anyone but the Mayor in a long time. I mean, I _knew_ that it had only been like a day or something since I'd seen Henry and Mary Margaret and Ruby…or at least, I think it was a day. Yeah, I was pretty sure that I had only just seen all of them the day before, except I couldn't actually recall any of the time I'd spent with them, and god, it felt like it had been years ago for some reason. It was seriously freaking me out a bit.

I kept running, the chill seeping through my leggings despite the fact that I was pretty sure my thighs were sweating, but I needed to get all that shit out of my head. I needed those images to be gone, because they weren't doing anything but torturing me on a nightly basis, and had even started to bleed into my days now obviously. That, and I hated the way they made me feel—sick to my stomach like I was forgetting something…something really important.

I didn't even realize that I had been staring at my feet as I ran until I glanced up and nearly crashed right into the very woman I had only just been thinking about, the woman whose face and voice had been troubling my dreams. I stumbled as I jumped to the side and skidded to a stop in the wet sand of the beach.

"Regina?" I panted, my lungs aching from overexertion. "Shit, I didn't even see you."

"Obviously," Regina replied dryly, but the word and her voice lacked her usual snarky spirit. She seemed incredibly confused and distracted, her melted-chocolate eyes darting rapidly around from me to the water to the beach to the docks and back to me. It was like she didn't have a clue how she'd gotten there.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, and I was actually being sincere. As much as Regina and I picked at each other, I did actually care for her…a little…deep down…somewhere. I mean, we did share a son and I'd known the woman for five years. It's kind of impossible to have no feelings whatsoever, other than loathing, for the woman who raised your kid his entire life and had actually done an incredible job at it.

She surprised me then, because instead of snapping at me or insulting me, she actually answered me honestly. "I'm not sure," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, concern blooming in my heart, which again, surprised me.

"I can't remember how I got here," she told me. "I must have lost track of where I was going, because one moment I was walking down the street toward the diner, and the next, I was here."

"Oh," I said awkwardly. "Uh…yeah, I do that sometimes, too." And then I just went silent, because I didn't know what else to say. The moment was awkward enough without me blabbing nonsensibly, but for some reason, I didn't leave either. And neither did Regina. We just stood there together, watching the water, and we didn't fight. We were just…together.

* * *

"Sheriff Swan," echoed the familiar voice of one Regina Mills as the ever-poised brunette sat atop my desk looking like a damn statue sculpted entirely from sarcasm and sex. As I came around the corner, my eyes instantly latched onto the short, tight skirt over legs that seriously would not quit, and that damn third button on her shirt that was ALWAYS on the verge of popping. I mean…really.

Fuck…where in the hell did that come from?

"What?" I asked guiltily, and I could just feel my cheeks going red because of the thought that had just flashed through my mind. I really needed to stop thinking of Regina like that, but it was like I just couldn't get her out of my head lately. She was in all my dreams and was shockingly really nice in all of them, and it had been that way for like half a year now. Yeah, it had to have been at least six months since the dreams started. Regina just kept popping up in my head, and the images were just so achingly familiar and comforting. It was fucking mind-boggling and maddening.

"Would you care to tell me why it is that the bushes on my street have yet to be trimmed?" she asked sharply. "I reported the issue to you over a week ago, and you have yet to do anything about it. Those bushes are a driving hazard, Ms. Swan. You can hardly see around them."

Oh god…bush. _Trimmed _bush. Regina was talking about bush…

Wait, what? What the hell was WRONG with me?!

"Uh, haven't had the time," I mumbled out, though I had to clear my throat a couple of times because all my dirty sex thoughts had apparently leaked down from my brain and gotten lodged in my esophagus. I had a seriously difficult time getting my voice to work.

"Well then _make _the time, Sheriff," Regina snapped at me before popping off of my desk and strutting by me. "I better not have to remind you again."

And then she was gone.

My heart was fucking pounding in my chest as the smell of her perfume drifted into my nostrils and ignited my whole body. Christ, if my thoughts continued down this route, the Mayor was going to end up giving me a heart attack.

…heart attack?

Something about that thought just didn't sit right with me. It was only a figure of speech, yeah…and usually a funny one, but for some reason, it made me feel sick to my stomach. I rubbed at my chest absentmindedly as I shook my head clear of thoughts of Regina and moved to sit down at my desk.

I should seriously start getting more sleep or something.


	22. Chapter 22: The Dreams We Share

**A/N: Sorry for the slightly longer wait, friends. I am in the process of moving, so I have a lot going on right now, but I will try to update again as soon as possible. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

**Try it out with a soundtrack of "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Dreams We Share

"Sheriff Swan? What are you doing here?"

I turned around at the sound of my name and the familiar voice speaking it. I turned toward the source, and it was like being shaken out of a trance as I blinked rapidly and tried to focus my vision on the woman in front of me. My head felt fuzzy and my body felt heavy and tired, and I didn't have a fucking clue where I was or how I'd gotten there.

"Uh…I don't…where am I? I…I don't know," I managed to stutter out as I clutched a hand to my forehead and rubbed at my eyes with the other.

I couldn't explain it, but in that moment, everything just felt so…wrong, like I wasn't supposed to be there, wherever I was. There was a sick churning in my gut and my heart was pounding in my chest like something was chasing me. I still couldn't focus. It was like I couldn't see at all, at least not what I needed to see, not what was in front of me. Instead, I kept seeing flashes of images that couldn't possibly be real.

Mary Margaret sitting in front of the old well in town, crying into her hands. Henry in a black suit, tugging on my hand as he pulled me through rows of headstones. Ruby running toward me in the woods, wide-eyed and waving her arms as she yelled at me, even though I couldn't hear what she was saying. Henry dancing around and laughing with me in the cemetery. Regina winking and smiling at me between bookshelves in a library.

They wouldn't stop, and I didn't understand any of them. Not a single one of them made sense, because they didn't feel like creations of my imagination. They felt real. They felt like memories, except that I didn't actually _have _those memories, because none of those things had ever actually happened. Oh god…what the hell was happening to me? I felt like I was fucking losing my mind.

"Sheriff?"

That voice…it only made the flashes worse. They came more rapidly. They hit me harder. They lasted longer, and yet still, not a single one of them made sense. They were all about Regina—flashes of her looking at me lovingly, almost reverently, which couldn't possibly be real. Regina had never and would never look at me like that. That woman hadn't felt an ounce of anything other than frustration toward me in ten long years. There was no way she would ever look at me like that, like I was the most precious thing in the world.

"Emma?"

Warmth crashed over my entire body as the sound of my name, my _actual _name, drifted into me, riding the waves of a voice that, for some reason, had lately been digging right into my soul every time I heard it. Finally, my vision cleared and I was able to focus on the gorgeous woman in front of me.

Regina was looking at me with actual concern in her eyes, her brows furrowed as she took a step toward me. "Emma, can you hear me?" she asked, and then she reached a hand up in front of my face and snapped her fingers.

I blinked as the popping sound echoed through the woods around us, and that's when I realized where we were. We were in the cemetery. What the hell? "Wha…uh…what are we doing here, Regina?" I asked, as my eyes darted all around us.

She only looked more concerned at that as she said, "I come here every Wednesday to bring flowers for my father. What are _you _doing here?"

My head grew fuzzy again and I shook it to clear it out before stuttering out, "I-I don't know. Uh…w-we didn't come here together? I…I can't remember."

"Sheriff," Regina said cautiously, and I felt my chest tighten painfully at the return of formal titles, though I didn't understand why, "perhaps I should take you to the hospital. You seem rather disoriented."

"No," I blurted out. "No, I don't…I don't want to go to the hospital. I'm fine." I tried to take a step back, but everything blurred around me and I stumbled. I immediately felt a strong hand wrap around my arm as Regina reached forward to steady me. We locked gazes as I regained my footing with her aid, and it was like something just erupted between us.

A tension ignited in the air between us and it was like I was captivated by her. Everything else just faded, and she was all I could see. I had so many urges in that moment that I couldn't explain. I wanted her. I wanted her closer. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold onto her as tightly as possible. It was almost like a physical _need_.

"Are you alright?" she asked me softly, and it actually felt genuine. "Are you in pain?"

"You called me Emma," I told her, because for some reason that was the only thing that I could think…it was the only thing that seemed to matter to me in that moment; well, that and the fact that Regina Mills was touching me in a manner that didn't threaten my life. Strangely enough, there was a yearning in my chest that told me I'd give just about anything in that moment to actually be able to feel her hand on my skin instead of on my jacket sleeve. I couldn't explain that feeling even if I tried. Something was seriously off.

She rolled her eyes at that, but I could see the smallest hint of a smile at the corners of her lips as she said, "Answer the question. Do you have any pain?" That tiny smile made my heart flutter wildly in my chest and my stomach flip. It was like my entire world revolved around that smile.

"Do you really care?" I asked her sincerely. There was no accusation, no bark or bite to my tone when I asked. I really just wanted to know if she cared, but more than that, I _really _wanted her to care.

She looked at me for a long time, just staring into my eyes as if debating whether or not to be honest. It wasn't hard to see that intimacy was an issue for the Mayor. She was rigid and detached with everyone, except Henry of course. I didn't know why she was like that, but I could understand it. Maybe she'd had her heart broken, or maybe she'd been betrayed at some point in her life. Maybe both. And if that was the case, then I could definitely relate. I was detached too, and I definitely kept everyone at arm's length. It wasn't that I didn't want to love people and be loved by them in return. It was just hard. It was hard for me to let people in after what my life had been prior to coming to Storybrooke. Maybe that's what it was like for Regina, too.

"Yes," she finally whispered. "I'm not actually heartless despite what you and many others may think."

"I don't think that," I told her, "And I don't really care what other people think."

She didn't say anything, so I just let out a long sigh and whispered, "Thanks for caring."

She just nodded before saying, "You never answered my question."

I smiled softly at her as I shook my head and told her, "No, I don't have any pain."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Perhaps I should take you to the hospital anyway. It could be your heart."

"What?" I asked her, that single sentence grabbing my attention like nothing had in a long time. Panic instantly began building in my chest as those words settled on me like a blanket of fire, scorching every part of me with a sickening familiarity. "What do you mean? Why would you think it was my heart?"

Regina's brows furrowed again before she answered me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You had a heart attack, Emma; a rather serious one at that. You nearly died, which was troubling enough considering you were only twenty-eight at the time, and yes it has been ten years, but Dr. Whale said that your chances of having another would only grow as you aged. You really should stop pretending that it never happened."

My head was spinning so rapidly in that moment that I could hardly stay on my feet. Everything around me faded to black before coming back into focus and then fading again before coming back once more. I didn't have a fucking clue what was going on, but I felt like I was losing my mind as Regina's words echoed around inside my head and prickled achingly on my flesh.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" I asked her, my voice thick as it pushed through the massive lump in my throat. "What heart attack?"

Regina opened her mouth as if she was going to immediately explain or lecture me or something, but then her features scrunched together and her eyes grew distant. I'd never seen her look so confused in all the years I'd known her, and I could definitely understand that, because I didn't think I'd ever _felt _more confused in my entire life.

"I…I don't know," she said after a long moment. Her eyes locked with mine, and she looked just as freaked out as I felt. "I don't know where that came from."

My heart was like a freaking hammer in my chest, banging around just trying to find a nail or something. It was painful and only made it difficult for me to breathe as my panic built rapidly in that moment. "Regina…have you…" I hesitated, because I hadn't told Regina or anyone about the dreams I'd been having for a few years now or the strange flashes of images I'd had. I was afraid she'd think I was crazy or something, but at the same time, I had to know. "Have you been having strange dreams or like visions lately? Like…about me or about things you can't explain?"

Her eyes widened to the point of popping out of her skull as she gasped. She cupped a gloved hand over her mouth and she just stared at me and nodded, and it was like my heart exploded, because whatever it was that had been happening to me had also been happening to Regina. I wasn't going crazy after all, unless the truth was that we were _both _going crazy, but that seemed much less likely. Something seriously strange was happening to the both of us.

"You've been having them as well?" she asked me quietly.

"Yeah, and I don't know what the hell they mean or if they mean anything at all," I told her, "but Regina, they don't feel like just dreams or hallucinations. They feel like—"

"Memories," she said, finishing my sentence, her voice low and serious and maybe even fearful.

"Yeah," I whispered in a slow, stuttering sigh. "Like I don't remember ever actually having a heart attack in my life, but for some reason, I feel like what you said was the truth. How is that possible, Regina? What do you think that means?"

"I haven't a clue," she answered, looking truly worried, "but I am certainly going to try to find out."

"Okay, uhm…yeah, okay," I said lamely, internally rolling my eyes at myself in that moment. "Regina, I don't even know how I got here. I was just at the loft and then I was here, and so were you. I don't understand how I got here, let alone why I would come here at all. I don't remember ever even leaving the loft."

She nodded as she stared into my eyes, concerned. I just held her gaze as I half-jokingly, half-seriously said, "I almost wish you actually had magic like Henry used to say when he was younger. Maybe you could just magic us some answers then, because hell...none of this even feels possible, let alone plausible."

I laughed at my own words, but the Mayor didn't. She just watched me curiously, but then her gaze grew confident, like she knew something that I didn't, and she said, "We will figure it out. I'm nothing if not resourceful."

I smiled at her then, despite the fact that anxiety was ripping through my veins. "No arguments here, Madame Mayor."

She just rolled her eyes at me and stepped away as she began to head back toward the town. "Hey Regina," I called after her, and she turned on the spot, her arms crossed to shelter herself from the cold wind.

When she was looking at me again, I nervously asked, "Do you think we could be friends? I mean, we've been at each other's throats for a decade now…and we don't really have to be, and well…I care about you, too."

"You want to be friends?" she asked, sounding thoroughly shocked. "With _me_?"

My heart clenched as she said those last words, as if she'd never expected anyone to ever want to be her friend. It made every part of me ache for her. "Well," I said, smiling at her, "only if you call me Emma."

The look of shock faded from her features as she returned my smile softly and said, "I'll take it under consideration, dear." Then she did something entirely unexpected. She winked at me.

Regina Mills fucking _winked _at me, and my heart just melted into a giant puddle of goo as she turned on her heel and strode out of the cemetery. I instantly flashed back to the image that had been in my head earlier—the image of Regina winking at me in a library. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I wanted to see that wink over and over and over. It touched every part of me, and while it felt new and exciting, it also felt so beautifully, painfully familiar.


	23. Chapter 23: The Flood

**A/N: Hello my dear friends and readers. I hope you have all been enjoying the story thus far and thank you to all who have reviewed and for those who continue to do so. I greatly appreciate it!**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Poison & Wine" by The Civil Wars. Definitely give it a try. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Flood

"How long have you had this tree anyway?" I asked, just trying to make conversation as I stood at the base of Regina's famous apple tree. I was holding a large basket while the Mayor stood on a stepladder and carefully selected apples for her cider harvest. She passed each apple down to me and I put them in the basket for her.

We'd been doing things like this for a few months now, just spending random time together like taking walks on the beach or just sitting in her kitchen chatting or like now, picking apples. It was the strangest thing, this being friends with Regina thing, but for some reason it felt so incredibly comfortable. It felt good. It felt…right, like it was the way it was supposed to be, the way it should have been all those years we'd wasted at war with one another.

"Many, many years," Regina answered quietly as she handed down another shiny honey crisp.

I dropped it into the basket before turning my attention back to the vision in front of me. Regina had climbed onto the highest rung of the stepladder so that she could reach a few of the apples on the higher branches, which meant her ass was pretty much level with my face; well, it was more like it was level with my chest, but hey…right in plain sight and easily within grabbing distance. Needless to say, it was a damn nice view, and I easily would have been content to just stand there staring all day in silence, but I kept the conversation going, because I needed to distract myself. If Regina caught me staring, she'd give me the stink-eye, and I hated when she looked at me like that. It always made me simultaneously feel like a chastised child and a creepy pervert, which let me tell you, is a seriously conflicted and just…_wrong _combination of feelings to have. I hated it; so of course, I did my best to avoid the Mills' stink-eye.

It wasn't always easy, though. Regina and I had been proudly wearing our new "friend" badges for like six or seven months now, and every second I spent with her, I just felt more and more drawn to her. It was like every new little thing I learned about her…it was like I already knew. It was like I already knew _her…_intimately, and really, I just wanted to know her more. I wanted to be around her more. I wanted to touch her more and talk to her more. I just wanted more of everything with her, and though I hadn't and probably wouldn't ever admit it to Regina, I definitely knew that I wanted more than just friendship with her. I was terrified that she'd reject me, though. I mean, she was Regina…proud, intelligent, poised, regal even, _rich _Regina Mills, and I was just me…just Emma. I was crass and for the most part uneducated. I didn't have much of a verbal filter or a filter of any kind really. I was basically poor (Sheriffs don't really rake in the dough, you know), and I was an orphan…my own parents didn't even want me. Why would _she_?

"Like since you were a little girl?" I asked her as my heart ached for the thoughts spiraling through my head in that moment.

"Since I was a teen, yes," she answered, and her voice seemed distant, sad even, like she didn't like to remember that time in her life. I wanted to ask why that was, but I could sense that it probably wasn't a good road to go down, so I just let it go.

"Wow, well you've done a damn good job of taking care of it all these years," I said instead.

She looked down at me then and we easily locked gazes. It was something that had kind of always been a part of our dynamic even before we became friends or whatever. It was like our eyes, sometimes even our bodies, just gravitated toward each other.

"Thank you…Emma," she said softly, and even after several months of her calling me by my first name, those delicious tingles still shot down my back and fluttered low in my stomach. "This tree has meant much to me over the years."

"Yeah," I said nodding, "I can tell." There was silence for a long time as Regina just continued to pick apples as if she was perfectly content to just be quiet with me, which just the thought of made my heart flutter madly in my chest. And that was when I realized that I wanted to endure every silence with Regina…whether awkward or entirely comfortable. I liked being with her. She made me feel not so…alone? I didn't know really. I just knew that she made me feel better. She made me feel…more.

"Listen, Regina," I said after a while, cutting through the silence, "I know it's been a long time, but I never apologized and I should have. I'm sorry about that time with the chainsaw. I mean…I was pissed and trying to make a point but I didn't really have to take it out on an innocent tree."

She laughed at that, a soft laugh that damn-near made my insides melt into a completely useless puddle of mush. "An apology, Emma?" she asked, chuckling playfully as she carefully stepped down from the small ladder and motioned for me to follow her. I fell into step beside her as we walked toward the back door of her mansion, and I thought my heart was just going to leap right out of my chest when she playfully poked my side as we walked and said, "How very mature of you, dear, and it only took you…what? Nearly eleven years?"

I laughed as I moved to walk a bit closer beside her, hoping she wouldn't notice and think it was weird or like move away or something, which she didn't. Score. "Well, better late than never, right? So, do you forgive me?"

Out of my peripheral, I saw a small smile lift the corners of Regina's lips before she teased, "Mmm, yes I suppose I can forgive you since you seem to be harboring such guilt over it even after a decade."

"You gotta admit, though," I told her, nudging her side with my elbow as we made our way into her kitchen from the backyard, "I definitely got your attention that day."

She laughed out loud at that and said, "You certainly did, dear."

* * *

A little while later, Regina and I were settled down on the couch in her study, simply chatting like we'd become accustomed to doing over the past few months. She smiled at me easily, which always made me feel like I was floating, like I wasn't even real. She looked…happy, happier than I'd ever seen her look in over a decade of knowing the woman, and every single part of me hoped so desperately that she wore that happiness because of me.

Knowing as much honestly freaked me out a bit, because it was like one minute Regina had just been another person to me, a person that I really couldn't stand and would rather not be around, but then the next minute, it was like she was suddenly everything. I thought about her all the time. I dreamt about her. I saw images of her in my head every waking and sleeping second of every day. Suddenly, my entire life revolved around Regina Mills and where I had only just hated her, it now felt like I…

"I spoke to Henry on the phone yesterday," Regina said, her smoky tone shaking me from my thoughts. "He seems to really be enjoying his new classes."

I smiled at that. "Yeah, I spoke to him yesterday, too," I told her, but the words didn't feel right on my tongue. They didn't feel true, almost like they were too big for my mouth or for my brain to even wrap around. It was like I _knew _that I'd spoken to him, but I couldn't actually recall speaking to him, and that was the strangest, most unsettling feeling. I had been like that for a few years, always feeling like I was missing something or forgetting something or not really wherever I thought I was. It was like my brain was hazy all the time, and though I wanted to talk to Regina about it, I also didn't want to worry her, so I mostly just kept it all to myself, except, of course, for the dreams I had about her that she seemed to also have about me. Those we talked about often, and yet after seven months of trying to figure them out, we'd failed to find any answers or come to any conclusions. The dreams made no sense. It was like…like magic.

I shook my head and swallowed thickly to try to rid myself of that sick feeling before smiling at Regina and saying, "Crazy to think that the kid is already in college, huh? Hell, he's halfway through now." Again, what the hell? Nothing about this conversation felt right, and yet I was having it as if it all made complete sense. I hated that feeling. It ate at me, but again, I kept silent about it. I figured that if I had some kind of like...brain tumor or something, I'd rather not know and I'd rather not worry the people in my life about it. I didn't want that hanging over my head or anyone else's. So, I'd just keep it to myself and try to hope for the best.

Regina's chocolate eyes turned sad as they became fixated on her hands which were resting gently in her lap. She nodded softly and quietly said, "Yes, it seems just yesterday that he was only ten years old and obsessed with his book of fairytales."

We sat there in silence for a long time, just remembering Henry as a boy, and that's when that familiar rushing feeling hit me again, pounding in my brain, and all of a sudden, a stream of images were ripping through my mind, images that just felt so fucking real even though I couldn't place them. I saw Henry laying in a hospital bed, wires attached to his body in various places, his skin pale and eyes closed, and my heart clenched tightly in my chest. I saw myself kissing his forehead, telling him I loved him, and then some weird blast of energy. Then I saw Regina, tears streaming down her face as she looked at me in awe and said, "You did it."

The next thing I saw was an image of Regina leaning against a tree, looking sick and strained. She smiled tightly at me and said, "You're welcome," even though I didn't have a damn clue what she was talking about or what I had apparently thanked her for. I barely had time to contemplate it, though, before the image was changing, and there she was again, running away from me outside of Granny's, and for some reason, I just had a horrible, worried feeling in my gut that made my stomach churn uncomfortably. I didn't understand it, but whatever it was…I knew I didn't like it at all.

"Emma?" Regina's voice spilled into me again. "Are you alright?"

I struggled to clear my head, shaking it back and forth to try to make the images go away, but then she touched me…Regina. She placed her hand gently atop my forearm as she asked me again if I was alright, but as soon as the warm, soft touch of her palm pressed against my arm, it was like my head just fucking exploded. An image I'd never seen before, and honestly I wish I never would have had to, slammed into my mind and had me doubling over in an instant.

I saw my own hand, shaking, reach down to turn a doorknob before slowly pushing open the door to reveal a bedroom that I somehow knew was Regina's even though I'd never been in the Mayor's bedroom before. I didn't know why, but I couldn't shake the sick feeling that was spreading all over my body like I just knew what I was going to find when I went in there and it wasn't going to be good. And then I saw her…Regina…on the floor, and she was…she was…

"No, no, no," I screamed as I jumped up from the couch and backed away from the real Regina who was looking at me as if I'd completely lost my mind. It was an accurate look to give, because I definitely felt like I'd lost my mind. "You…you're…" I tried to stutter out the words, but it was like my tongue just refused to speak them, and all I could feel was sheer terror and heartbreak coursing through my body in that moment.

"Emma, what?" Regina asked, her voice making her worry apparent as she rose slowly from the couch. She held her hands out cautiously as she approached me, saying "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

I could feel how wide my eyes were in that moment, because they stung just with the gentle bit of air circulating through the room. Tears spilled down my cheeks unbidden as I stared at Regina, and before I could stop them, the words just fell out of my mouth in a stunned whisper. "You're dead."

Regina's shock was apparent on her face before her features contorted and she looked more terrified and concerned than anything else as she said, "No, Emma. I'm fine. I'm right here, see?" She held her hands out toward me then and said, "Touch me. I'm real. I'm alive."

"No," I told her, panic ripping through my veins as my tears ripped down my face. I wanted to fucking scream or run or both…or just crawl into a hole and disappear for a while. "No, I don't want to touch you. That's what caused me to see…to see…and you were…and I couldn't breathe…and you had…"

I couldn't help myself then. I just started gagging even though I was desperately trying to swallow down the bile rising in my throat. Great, gasping groans echoed out of my mouth as I gagged and coughed and shook my head violently to try and shake away that image. Oh god. Oh god...she was dead. _DEAD! _She was...and her eyes...

"Emma, calm down," Regina tried again. "You're going to make yourself sick. It was just a…a hallucination or a daydream or something. Whatever you think you saw, it wasn't real. I am fine. I'm right here."

I kept my eyes focused on her, just taking in the sight of her alive and well and staring right back at me, and I tried to let that image sink in. I tried to focus only on what I could see in front of me, just reminding myself that _that _was reality, not whatever that sick shit I'd just seen in my head was. I didn't even realize that I'd been backing away from her until I felt my back smack roughly into the wall behind me, and as soon as I felt it, I just crumbled. My knees buckled beneath me and I slid down the wall until I was just a heap on the floor.

I dropped my head into my hands in that moment and just cried openly, not even caring that Regina was there, that she could see and hear my weakness. I didn't care, because that image of her…of her…like that, it fucking haunted me. It was like a sickness in my cells, gnawing at me like nothing ever had, and I couldn't handle it. I wanted it out, out of my head and out of my body, but it wouldn't go, and I just felt so helpless. All these images and these dreams and these sick feelings that I constantly had like something was right, like _I _wasn't right, like Regina and Henry and Mary Margaret weren't right…all of it. It was tearing me down in the worst way, and I'd never felt more helpless in my life. I'd never felt more desperate.

"Please don't cry," I heard Regina whisper, her voice gently cracking as she lowered herself down next to me.

"What's happening to me?!" I practically screamed as I rocked myself back and forth just trying to soothe the ache in my chest and the pounding in my head. I felt like my entire life was just splintering into pieces.

Regina didn't say anything. She just sat beside me, a silent comfort, even as I continued to fall apart. But I needed her to say something, anything. I needed her to help me. I just, I needed her.

"Regina, please," I cried to her through my soaked fingers as I cradled my face, "please help me. I feel like…I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please don't let me fall apart. Please…I know you don't owe me anything, but Regina…I'm scared. I'm just…"

"Emma…"

"I'm scared," I whispered, my voice barely audible as my heart ached so forcefully in my chest that I thought it might just crumble at any moment.

"I know," she said softly and I didn't have to see her face to know that she was crying, too. I could hear it in her voice. "So am I."

* * *

I woke up screaming, that haunting image of Regina spilling into my head and shaking me from sleep. I was practically panting as I shot into a sitting position, and my panic only increased as I realized that the bed I was in wasn't mine, and the room I was in wasn't mine either. In fact, I wasn't in my loft at all.

And then then door swung open and there stood Regina Mills in silken pajamas, her hair slightly tousled and her eyes wide and shining in the dim light of the hallway as she peered into the room. It all came flooding back to me then. It had gotten pretty late by the time my manic cry-fest ended and I was able to calm down, so Regina had offered her guest bedroom to me and told me that I was welcome to stay if I didn't want to drive that late, which I'd eagerly accepted because I'd had a killer headache after all that crying, and so here I was…having nightmares like a toddler in the Mayor's guestroom. Great.

"Emma?" she asked as she moved slowly into the room before sitting gently on the edge of the bed.

"Uh…sorry," I told her as I wiped a hand over my face and realized that my cheeks were wet, but with tears or sweat, I wasn't sure. Mostly likely, it was both. "I didn't mean to wake you. Bad dream, I guess."

"I assumed as much," Regina said as she smiled sadly at me and nodded. "I wish I could help with that, but I don't know any remedies for nightmares other than…well, nevermind."

"No, tell me," I pleaded, eager to try anything. There wasn't much I wouldn't have done in that moment just to get rid of that horrible image still rolling around inside my mind.

I could actually see her cheeks turning red, even in the barely-lit room, and just seeing that made me feel better. I couldn't explain it, but it was like a weight had suddenly been lifted off of me, and I could breathe a little better. I smiled at her and asked, "What?"

"It's embarrassing," she said sheepishly.

"Oh come on," I argued. "How could a remedy for nightmares be embarrassing? Come on, just tell me."

She sighed dramatically before saying, "I can't really tell you. I'll have to show you." She didn't even wait for a response before she rose from the bed and strode from the room, crooking a finger at me over her shoulder as a sign for me to follow. I jumped out of the bed and eagerly pursued her down the hallway when I realized that she was leading me back to her study.

"You're not going to make me do paperwork, are you?" I asked teasingly, snorting at my own little joke. "Because let me tell you, that's only going to make the nightmares worse."

Regina just rolled her eyes at me and shook her head before she crossed the room and switched on a radio that was sitting on a shelf just to the side of her desk. As a nice upbeat song filtered into the room and broke through the silence, Regina turned back to me, her cheeks still red with embarrassment, and said, "When Henry was little, he was afraid of the dark. He would have nightmares nearly every night and wake up crying. Nothing made him feel better, and trust me I tried everything—reading him stories, rocking him, singing to him, late-night snacks, letting him sleep with me. Nothing worked. And then one night, I was in my study working late and I had the radio playing. He came in at two in the morning crying because he had had another nightmare and of course, I didn't know what to do, because nothing ever worked, but then he noticed the radio. He asked if he could turn it up, and I let him. Some upbeat song was playing and he just smiled at me and said, 'Dance with me, Momma.'"

I couldn't help the smile that practically blasted across my face in that moment. That story touched every part of me beautifully even as it tugged at the back of my mind. Every word just felt so familiar to me, like Regina herself had told me the story before even though I knew that she hadn't. It didn't change the effect it had on me though as images of Regina dancing around with a tiny Henry spilled into my mind and exploded beautifully in my heart.

I smiled at Regina as I crossed the room until I was sharing her air, our faces only inches apart, and I whispered, "You want to dance with me?"

Her cheeks only reddened further as she locked gazes with me and barely managed to choke out, "Is that what _you_ want?"

I just grinned at her again as I slipped my hand into hers and jerked her toward a more open part of the room. I didn't even hesitate as I started to jump and dance around her. Normally, I would've been embarrassed or just way too timid to do something like that around Regina, but for some reason, I didn't care. I felt safe with her. I felt…at home with her.

"Come on, Regina," I said as I bounced around her. "Dance! Help me get rid of my nightmares."

She laughed at me then, and I could've sworn for a moment that there was no way in hell that she was actually going to go through with it and dance with me, but then she proved me wrong. She latched onto my hand and twirled me around as she began to dance with me, both of us looking like total fools, but neither of us caring.

And so we danced that way for what felt like an hour or maybe more, just Regina and I, and I swear…I didn't think I'd ever have another nightmare again.

* * *

When we finally decided to return to bed and try to get a little more sleep before the start of a new day, Regina walked me back to her guest bedroom. She waited for me to get settled in before she turned out the light, and it was like I was a little kid for a minute, being safely tucked in or something. I didn't even care though. It just felt nice to have someone there.

She lingered in the opened doorway, her silhouette breathtaking and beautiful against the dim backdrop of the hallway's glow. "Goodnight Emma," she whispered, and I couldn't help the smile that touched my lips in that moment. I couldn't remember feeling happier than I did right then in a very long time, and it completely set me at ease.

"Night Regina," I told her before falling silent even though there was so much more that I wanted to say to her, so much more that I felt like I _needed_ to say to her, even though I didn't have a clue what those things were.

"I'm just down the hall if you need me, Emma," she said then as she moved to close the door. "Don't forget."

As soon as she said those words, it was like a fucking tidal wave crashed into me. My vision blurred and my head spun and suddenly I was seeing an image of Regina flickering in front of me like an old-timey movie on a busted television or something. She looked terrified as she clutched at her chest and achingly whispered, "Emma, don't forget," and then she disappeared.

That one image and those three words were all it took for something to break inside me, like some sort of dam in my mind just crumbled and everything came rushing forward and back to me in a massive flood. I saw it all—Regina's death, her ghost, my magic, my heart attack, laughing with her, crying with her, wasting away in the town library, the ashes, the well, the body, the potion...

"Oh god," I whispered as my entire body tingled painfully in that moment, all pins and needles. I could practically feel myself teetering on the edge of consciousness as all those images that had been flitting through my mind and haunting my dreams for so long all crashed into me again, assaulting my senses, and finally became solidified memories. And it felt like I had suddenly just woken up after a lifetime of sleeping.

"I remember."


	24. Chapter 24: If We Fade Away

**A/N: Hello friends. I believe this is the moment you've all been waiting for. I cried, and I mean I CRIED like a baby when I wrote this chapter, so I hope the emotions resonate well for you all as you read.**

**Please, PLEASE, read it with the soundtrack of the PIANO INSTRUMENTAL VERSION of "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion from the movie **_**Titanic. **_**Only that version, friends, and as corny as you may think that soundtrack is, trust me when I say the effect with this chapter is mind-blowing. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Four: If We Fade Away

I shot out of the bed, nearly tripping over the blankets as I struggled to free myself from their hold. As soon as I was untangled, I smacked into the door and wrenched it open, tears already streaming down my face, before darting into the hallway. I must've made an obvious commotion because Regina turned quickly around from where she was just about to enter her own bedroom after wishing me a goodnight.

As soon as she turned and our gazes locked, every part of me just burst awake, my nerves tingling deliciously, and it was like I was seeing her for the first time again. "Well that was certainly fast," she joked with a simple smile that was anything but simple to me. That smile was air in my lungs, even though consciously I knew I didn't actually have any lungs or any need for air, because well…I was dead. We both were.

I meant to say something, but all I could do was stare at her, tears still ripping down my face. How could I have ever forgotten? My head felt fuzzy even then, though I swear it was the clearest I'd been in what felt like years. I opened my mouth, but all that came out was a strangled whimper as she captured me. Regina…she captured me. It was as if the second I remembered, my soul just snapped into recognition and was practically screaming at me, _YES, THAT'S YOUR TRUE LOVE. _

"Emma, are you alright?" Regina asked me, concern seeping into her features as she suddenly realized my tears in the wake of my silence.

"We're in love," I whispered finally, forcing the words through my constricted throat as my head swam with memories and possibilities and everything in-between.

Her brow furrowed adorably then as she stared at me from the end of the hall and asked, "What?"

I felt like I might just explode at any minute as I took an emboldened step toward her and repeated, "We're in love. I remember now."

"Who?" Regina asked, her face showing her complete bewilderment. "You and I?"

I nodded, my eyes wide and my cheeks wet, and said, "Yes, and you don't remember, but I do."

"Emma, I think perhaps we should take that trip to the hospital now," she said, sounding sincerely freaked out, not that I could blame her. I was remembering a reality that as far as Regina was concerned in that moment had never even existed.

"No, Regina, listen to me," I commanded, taking another step toward her. Fear was alive inside me, mingling with the love and awe I felt, as I realized that I didn't have a clue how long we'd been on the Ghostly Plane, which meant that I also didn't have any idea how much longer we had left before our souls moved on. For all I knew, it could be very soon, and that realization scared the hell out me, because all I could think about was Henry, and how we'd left him behind. "I need you to listen to me because I don't have time to make you fall in love with me again. We've got to get the hell out of here and back to Henry, so I _need _you to try to remember. I need you to remember that you love me, Regina, that we're supposed to be together and not _here_, not this way, but _really _together…_alive _and together."

"Emma, you aren't making any sense," she argued, her features scrunched in confusion.

"I'm making perfect sense!" I told her. "You just don't remember, but Regina, you _have _to. You HAVE to. So, pull it together and listen to me."

"How am I supposed to listen to you when you are rambling nonsense about you and I being in love?" Regina snapped right back at me. "Feelings don't just spontaneously appear out of thin air, Emma. They take time to develop, and while I can admit that there is an attraction between us, I would hardly go as far as to—"

"You love me," I interjected, cutting her off, and instantly saw the fire ignite in her chocolate eyes. Shit. I should've known that she wasn't going to make this easy for me or us.

"_Excuse_ _me_?" She exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. "Don't presume to know how I feel, and don't confuse our newfound civility, Emma. I certainly do _not _love you."

"You do," I argued, but I couldn't help the way heart ballooned in my chest at Regina's defiance. It was just so fucking real and so beautiful to see her returned to old self, unburdened by all that had happened with her death and my subsequent downward spiral. I loved seeing her as herself, even if her stubbornness was a real pain in my ass. "Regina, you're my True Love."

Regina's gasp was damn-near violent in that moment as she stared at me in shock, a hand shooting up to cover the space above her heart. "True…you…" she stuttered, which only solidified her surprise because Regina Mills never stuttered. "You _know _about True Love?"

I couldn't help my smile then as I took another step toward her, nodding as I said, "Oh yeah, and I know about you, Your Majesty, and your Curse, and Snow and David being my parents. I know everything."

"How…how could you possibly?" Regina whispered in shock, and I could practically see the fear as it began to seep into her eyes and heave in her chest.

"Because, I told you, I remember now. The Curse was broken, Regina. _I _broke it to save Henry's life, and then I got sucked into a freaking portal to the Enchanted Forest, which totally sucked by the way, and you…you saved me."

"Emma, what the hell are you talking about?" She snapped, completely flustered and freaked out.

"Just relax, Regina," I told her, holding my hands up in a placating manner as I took another step toward her. "Don't freak out, okay? I'm just trying to help you remember."

"Help me remember?!" she exclaimed angrily. "Remember what? That I am the Evil Queen? I need no aid in remembering that, dear, thank you."

"You aren't," I whispered, smiling sadly at her.

"Aren't what?" she bit out, her eyes darting around as if she was waiting for an angry lynch mob to suddenly jump out from behind a door or something, not that I could really blame her. Her mind was still stuck in Cursed Storybrooke when no one had a clue who she really was or what she'd done to them all.

"You aren't the Evil Queen anymore," I told her, meaning every word with every ounce of my being. "You…Regina, you're not that woman anymore. You're just you now, just a beautiful woman, a perfect mother, and…"

There were tears in her eyes now as she looked at me as if I'd lost my mind, though there was a hint of something else in her eyes, too. It was hope. She looked at me as if for the first time in her life, someone had given her hope to be exactly what I'd just told her she was…_just _Regina. She softened considerably as she continued to stare into me, and her eyes, so full of her pain and so full of her hope, urged me onward.

"You and me…this isn't where we're supposed to be," I continued softly. "This isn't our true reality. Our reality is Storybrooke, the _real _Storybrooke, and the _real _Henry, not some Henry that we both think we've spoken to but can't ever remember _actually _speaking to. Our reality is love, Regina, yours and mine, a love that kept us together even after you…"

My words caught in my throat then and I had to swallow thickly just to clear away the tightness that had painfully developed as the image of the way I'd found Regina that night flooded back into my mind and stung over my entire body like a thousand hot needles. "…after you died," I croaked out, my voice not much more than a cracked whisper as fresh tears sprung to my eyes.

For just a second, Regina looked like she wanted to argue with me, but then her eyes softened further and practically melted into mine as she locked gazes with me. I swear she must've seen the sincerity, the sorrow, in my eyes as I'd said the words, or at least, I hoped she had. I hoped it was what was going to bring her back to me, help her to remember.

"How?" she whispered so quietly that I almost didn't catch it.

"You sacrificed your life to save me," I told her, to which she gasped, a hand shooting up to cup around her mouth as she stared at me with wide eyes. "You absorbed a death curse so that I could come through a portal safely. You died later that night, and I…I was the one who found you. That's why I freaked out earlier in your study. When you touched my arm, the image of the way you'd looked when I found you flashed through my head. I think I've been remembering things for a while now, all the dreams and the flashes…you said that they felt like memories, Regina. That's because they are. They _are _memories, yours and mine."

Tears were fully streaming down Regina's cheeks with those words but she never turned away from me, our gazes locked despite the tension swirling around us and the wetness marring both our vision. "But if I'm dead, Emma, then how is this possible? Where are we? How are we here together? Emma, how are _you _here? Did you…are you…dead, too?"

As much as I wanted to sit and chat about everything with her, my fear was only growing with every second that passed, because if we were going to save ourselves, then we needed to do it soon. Otherwise…well, this would be the end of the line for us, and though I could be okay with that, I didn't think Henry could be. I pointed just behind Regina, toward her bedroom, and asked, "Can we go in there?"

She looked at me, confused, but then she just nodded her head and turned to walk into her room with me following quickly behind her. Regina sat gently down on the end of the bed and just watched me as I clicked the door closed behind me and leaned my back against it, my eyes then instantly latching onto the floor, the spot where I'd found her. "That's where I found you," I told her, pointing to the spot. I was hoping that by being in this room together again, being in the place where all of this had begun with us, that it would somehow help to jog her memory.

Regina's eyes followed the line of my point and latched onto the floor as well and I could practically feel the confusion and panic and sorrow rolling off of her in that moment. It made every part of me ache so violently that I could hardly stay on my feet. "And Regina," I continued, "when I found you like that, I just completely fucking fell apart. Everything hit me all at once, and I realized how much you meant to me and how much I hated myself for not realizing it until it was too late."

Her eyes shot up to mine with those words, shining brightly at me through her tears, and though I wanted to just close the distance between us and press into her, I wanted her with me more…I had to do this the right way. I had to help her remember so that when we kissed, when we _finally _kissed, both of our souls would be so filled with love and so filled with hope that there would be no way we could fail. This was our last and only chance to get it right.

"When Henry wanted to move in here, I didn't think I'd be able to handle it," I told her, letting the memories flood through me and fill me up. "Everything reminded me of you, and everything smelled like you, and it was just…it was hard. But then there you were, your spirit…right _there_." I pointed to the spot where her ghost had first appeared to me, scaring the living daylights out of me and making me think I'd gone crazy.

"You didn't even know you were dead, kind of like now," I continued, "but apparently your soul held on, because…because it was tethered to mine. So, to answer your questions, this is possible because of you and because of us. This is possible because I am your True Love and you are mine, and your soul couldn't move on without mine."

I pushed myself off of the door and made my way slowly over to Regina as tears poured from both our eyes. When I reached the edge of the bed where she was sitting and watching me, I dropped down to my knees in front of her and kept my gaze locked with hers. "We're on the Ghostly Plane," I told her through my tears, my voice a cracked and trembling mess, "and I'm here because I couldn't move on without you either. I've been trying for almost seven months to bring you back. I haven't been able to let go, and I lost my job because of it. I almost lost Henry. I almost lost myself. I'm just…I'm not doing too well without you."

"Emma…" Regina whispered, her tears like rivers running over her chin as her eyes pleaded with me to stop, to continue, to stay, to go, to help her...

"But I found a way," I whispered, cutting her off. "I finally found a way, and _that's _why I'm here, Regina. I'm here for _you_. I'm here to save you."

I was a quivering mess as I knelt in front of her, needing her more than I'd never needed anything or anyone in my entire life, needing to hold her and kiss her and love her. I needed the life with her that I was meant to have, the life that was taken from me, from both of us. I needed so many things in that moment that I could hardly hold myself up beneath the weight of it all.

"I'm here because I love you, Regina," I cried, my eyes never leaving hers, and her gasp in that moment was so fucking beautiful that it tore deliciously at every part of me. "I love you, and I need you, and I don't want to live without you, without being able to touch you and hold you. Not another day. I can't."

"Emma…" she tried again, her voice so broken that my name was hardly discernible as it flooded through her tears.

I shook my head, salted droplets flying from my cheeks and chin as I moved even closer to her on my knees, and slipped my hands into hers, holding them in her lap. "So, please babe, remember me," I pleaded with her raggedly. "Remember me loving you. Remember _us_, and let's get out of here. Let's go home. Let's be a family."

A soft, strangled whimper escaped her throat as she squeezed my hands tightly and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I can't remember, Emma. I'm trying, but I…I can't."

I swear that every single part of me broke wide open in that moment before just crumbling to the fucking floor. A guttural sob ripped, unbidden, right out of my throat as new tears spilled down my cheeks, but I did my best to hold it together. I didn't want Regina to feel broken or lost or like she'd somehow failed me. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't remember, though I would've given anything for her to at least remember that we loved each other if nothing else. At least then, if we had to die and move on in the next few minutes, we'd know each other the way we were supposed to know each other. I didn't want us to move on to whatever waited after this as strangers, or as just the Mayor and the Sheriff, the Evil Queen and the Savior. I wanted us to go as _us_, just Emma and Regina, together and in love, and it broke my heart that we couldn't even have that.

"Okay," I whispered shakily. "Okay, it's okay."

"I'm so sorry," she repeated softly as she squeezed my hands, and I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just leaned forward and laid my head down gently in her lap. I felt her stiffen, but then she surprised me by just relaxing and letting me lay there, and when I felt her fingers hesitantly glide through my hair, I couldn't help but break all over again. I held my whimpers and sobs at bay as I just let myself cry quietly, my tears silently soaking the silken material of her pajama pants as my head rested in her lap.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Regina's sweet voice whispered to me again. "Can you not return on your own, without me?" she asked, her heartache clear in her voice.

I lifted my head from her lap then and shook my head before locking gazes with her seriously and saying, "I'm not doing anything without you, okay? If we have to sit here and die in order for us to be together, then that's what we'll do, Regina. I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you, no matter what."

Her eyes glistened beautifully as she gasped at my words and quietly asked, "You really do love me, don't you?"

I couldn't help but smile despite the way I was aching inside as I nodded and said, "I really do. I love you like it's the only thing in the world that matters, and sometimes I feel like it is. And you…you love me, too, Regina. You just can't remember, and that's okay. We tried, and hey…maybe we've still got time, you know? Maybe there's enough time left and you might remember something. Maybe we'll—"

"How do you know?" she asked me, cutting me off.

"How do I know what?"

"That I love you," she clarified, searching my eyes as if she was desperately seeking some hidden answers to questions I wasn't sure she'd ever actually voice. "Did I tell you?"

"Yeah," I said, letting a small smile paint my lips even as I continued to cry. "You told me, but it's really the things that you said to me when you thought I couldn't hear you, when you thought I was sleeping, that made me believe it was true."

"What do you mean?" she asked me, her brows furrowing.

"Sometimes, in the library or here in the bed, you would talk to me when you thought I was sleeping," I told her, the memories of those times washing over me and filling me with a beautiful sense of peace about everything that was happening. I hadn't expected to feel peaceful about the idea of dying once I'd found a solution to save Regina, but I couldn't deny that I was. I found peace in the memories I had of her and of us, even if we _were _always separated by a thin veil between life and death. I was comforted in knowing that she was there with me in the final moments, too; that we would be moving on together, even if she couldn't remember our love. I knew it was there. It didn't need to be spoken or even acknowledged. It lived within us and between us always, even in death.

"What would I say?"

I squeezed her hands and stroked my thumbs over her soft skin, reveling in the ability to actually touch and feel her for the first time in so painfully long. It was like a revelation on my flesh, the way she felt…it was haunting and oh, so, _so _beautiful. It was everything.

"You said a lot," I whispered through my tears. "You talked about your regrets, things you wished you could take back from your time in the Enchanted Forest, or just little things with Henry like pretending he was delusional about the Curse. You told me about your hopes, so many hopes. You hoped that you would be remembered as more than just the Evil Queen. You hoped that I would be able to move on without you and find someone to love, even though you knew I never would. You hoped that I'd stop killing myself just trying to find a way to save you. You told me you loved me, that you loved me more than you ever thought possible."

She took a heavy, staggered breath as her tears continued to leak steadily down her face, but she never looked away. Her deep, chocolate eyes stayed locked with mine, and then I put it all on the line. I wanted her to know my heart, even if she couldn't remember enough to give me hers in return. I wanted her to have all of me if these were our final moments together.

"And every word you ever said in those moments meant more to me than I can say, Regina," I told her raggedly, my voice raw and strained from crying, "but there was one time, in particular, one thing you said to me that never left me. I remember it word for word, and I don't think I'll ever forget. You said, 'When you were in the Enchanted Forest, I told Henry that I didn't know how to love very well, but I think I could have been better with you, Emma. I think we could have been better together, could have learned from one another.'"

Every single inch of me caught fire and began to buzz electrically with anticipation and fear and excitement and love as Regina gasped loudly and her eyes glazed over before they came back to me, recognition dancing so powerfully in those chocolate depths. I didn't stop. I kept talking, because I was afraid that she was just having flashes, and I wanted…I _needed _her to know, to remember everything. I needed her to come back to me. I squeezed her hands tightly and held her gaze as I told her, "You said, 'I think I could have loved you well. I _would _have loved you well,' and I swear, Regina, it was like you were speaking from _my _heart, because I promise you…I would have loved you well, too."

Recognition flashed in her eyes again, tears ripping forward as she gasped even more forcefully, and before I could even say another word, Regina pushed me back from where I was kneeling and dropped to her own knees right in front of me. We sat atop our knees, our eyes locked fiercely, just drinking each other in, and then Regina moved again. Her hands came up slowly and cupped around my cheeks, and when I looked into her eyes then, what I saw absolutely melted me.

It was _her_. She'd come back to me. Her eyes were so full of love in that moment that I could practically feel it rolling off of her as she stroked her thumbs across my cheeks and delicately whispered, "I remember you."

A heart-wrenching, guttural sob escaped my throat as I reached up and wrapped my hands around hers, tears spilling over every inch of my cheeks and her hands as her words wrapped around me like the most comforting embrace. A stunning smile lit her face even through her tears as she moved even closer until our faces were only a breath apart, and she whispered, "I remember us."

"Emma," she cried beautifully, her voice a song of recognition on my flesh, "I love you."

And that was all it took. My heart just exploded open in that moment, and without another word, I buried my fingers in her hair at the back of her neck and pulled her in, devouring that final breath of air between us and pressing my lips to hers.


	25. Chapter 25: Clear

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Breathe Me" by Sia. You will most definitely want to use it when you read. It has an astounding effect. **

**Thank you to everyone for the wonderful reviews and support. Please, keep it coming. It means so much to me. I hope you all enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Five: Clear

A jolt of pain shot through my body as my lips pressed into Regina's. We both jumped apart from each other, our eyes going wide and locking together as our hands shot up simultaneously to clutch at our chests. The pain was exquisite and absolutely defined, ripping through my heart like a shockwave of electricity, causing my chest to lurch forward as I groaned with the ache. Regina felt it, too. She let out a cry of pain as her breathing came in fast, steady pants, both of us rocking in the aftermath of the shock.

"What was that?" she groaned through gritted teeth, and I could only shake my head as I let my gaze dart frantically around the room. It seemed impossibly strange, but the entire room was fuzzy like maybe I needed to put on my glasses even though it had been perfectly clear not even a minute ago. Then it began fizzling at the edges as if it was nothing more than an illusion or like a strip of film being held against a light too long, burning away.

"Regina, look," I said, pointing around and hoping that she was seeing what I was seeing, that I wasn't hallucinating or something.

"What is that?" she breathed heavily, her face contorting in confusion as she continued to clutch at her chest. We watched in awe as the crumbling edges of the room then rippled before settling back into solidity. Everything seemed to go back to normal, and the pain in my chest evened out until it no longer hurt.

It seemed that Regina was given the same relief, because she sighed and dropped her hand from her chest. "I think it was us," I told her, realizing that the pain and the effect of the room only happened when we kissed. "I mean, I think we caused it."

"With the kiss?" she asked, trepidation audible in her voice, which I could totally understand, because damn…neither of us expected our first kiss to make our bodies feel like they were exploding in pain. I, personally, had been expecting something more along the lines of ecstasy, but then again, nothing with Regina and I had ever been easy and certainly never what was expected.

"Yeah, and I think we have to do it again," I sighed, turning sympathetic eyes to her as I clutched onto her hands, internally refusing to ever let go again. I finally had her. I was finally touching her, and I never wanted to stop.

"But why would it be so painful?" she asked, turning worried eyes to me.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "but it felt like a shock, right? Straight to my heart. Maybe it's like when they put those paddles to your chest to shock you back into life. I mean, we _are_ technically dead."

"Emma," Regina whispered as one of her hands came up to cup and stroke my cheek, and she locked those gorgeous chocolate orbs on me, "I don't want to hurt you."

Tears flooded my eyes at the depth of the sincerity in her voice and the clear anxiety in her gaze. It touched every part of me in a way that made me feel so loved and so cared for. It meant more than words would've allowed me to say, so I just swallowed thickly, wiped at my eyes, and choked out, "I don't want to hurt you either, but I don't think we have a choice…not if we want to live."

She took a heavy, staggered breath as I scooted even closer to her on my knees. I wrapped my arms fully around her body and pull her close enough that I nearly had to go cross-eyed just to look at her face, but I didn't care. I needed the comfort of her touch and of her body. I needed it because though I didn't say it out loud, I was scared. I was terrified that this wasn't going to work. I was terrified of losing her again, of losing myself. I was just…afraid.

Regina pressed her forehead gently against mine and nodded as she whispered, "Okay."

"Okay," I whispered back to her before moving my lips in front of hers, nearly brushing but not quite yet.

She closed her eyes and so did I even as I heard her softly breathe out and say, "I'm sorry," apologizing for the pain she knew this kiss was about to cause me, cause _both _of us.

I squeezed her sides and whispered against her lips, "Don't be. Best pain I've ever felt."

She laughed softly, quietly, beautifully, and before the sound could die, I closed the minute gap between us and kissed her like my life depended on it…and it truly did. Both of our lives did.

Regina's lips were the softest lips I'd ever touched and they fit so perfectly against mine, and I did my best to focus on that, on the feeling of _that_, instead of the severe pain that ripped through my heart as soon as we met in our second kiss. Our bodies both jolted forward as the shocks hit our hearts like bolts of lightning, our chests smacking forcefully together as we gripped tightly to one another, both of us practically screaming into each other's mouths but refusing to break the connection.

I felt Regina's tears as they slipped down her cheeks and melted into the flesh of my nose and cheeks and chin, mingling with my own tears as the pain devoured us both. It was excruciating, and yet at the same time, I'd never felt more alive than I did in that moment, with my lips pressed to those of the woman I loved, the woman I'd risked everything for—my family, my job, our son, my life…the woman I'd literally died for just to have one more chance to touch her and taste her and have her with me. I'd meant what I said just before we kissed. It truly was the _best _pain I'd ever felt.

Regina's nails dug into the flesh at the back of my neck as she latched onto me with more force, gripping me tightly as shock after shock slammed into our chests, ripping through our hearts, and though the pain felt like it was promising death, we both knew that it was a promise of life…a promise of another chance to have the life together that we were meant to have. I gripped her just as tightly, needing her to be my anchor as I opened my eyes, my lips never leaving Regina's, and saw that the room had begun to fizzle and ripple again.

The effect grew and grew, the room appearing as a burning piece of paper, shrinking and turning to ash around us until it was only Regina and only me and only our lips tugging at each other and just trying to survive. And I saw the blackness seeping in, everything turning dark around us, the scenery literally fading away, and I could actually _feel _it. I could feel the fading, as if I was a part of it, and when Regina's eyes popped open in fear and her mouth pulled back from mine, I knew she felt it, too.

"Emma!" she shouted as the strangest, loudest buzzing sound filled the room, like a fucking alarm clock spilling into a dream.

"Just hold on, Regina," I roared over the noise, holding her gaze, both of us trembling with fear as we clutched onto one another, but thankful that the pain had finally begun to pass as the fading feeling seeped in and seemingly began to carry us away, hopefully back to reality. She nodded and before I could say anything else, she crashed her lips into mine again, and it was the last thing I felt before the fading stopped, the buzzing went silent, and everything…_everything _was gone.

* * *

Waking up was the strangest sensation. I felt like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket or something, because my entire body was tingling, and my toes and fingers felt numb as I blinked my eyes and groaned when a bright light spilled beneath my eyelids and assaulted my pupils. For a minute I thought that I was dead, like really dead (as in both Regina and I had moved on instead of moving back)…I mean, numbness, bright light…it seriously freaked me the fuck out, but then I heard the massive gasp that could only be my mother's, and that single sound just siphoned the fear right out of me.

I fought the sting of the light and forced my eyes all the way open just as Snow's face shot into view, hovering over me with the biggest smile I'd ever seen. Drops of wetness smacked onto my cheeks and forehead as tears fell from her face and dropped onto mine. "Emma," she cried as she cupped her hands around my cheeks before yanking me into a tight embrace without ever giving me a chance to breathe or fully come to my senses, but I didn't really care. It felt good to actually see her again and feel her again, and not just think that I had but be unable to remember exactly when. It felt good to be alive again. "You're okay," she whispered as she buried her face in my neck and a hand in my hair and squeezed me like I was a balloon she was desperately trying to deflate or something.

As soon as I got my limbs working and the numbness faded, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed back just as tightly. "I'm okay," I told her softly, and then I felt another larger pair of arms wrap around me as well, and as soon as I smelled the familiar cologne, I knew it was my dad.

"We were worried," he said softly as he pressed his lips to my temple and squeezed me tightly.

"So was I for a minute there," I breathed out, just happy to be seeing my parents again, but then my heart swelled in my chest as the image of the rest of my family blasted through my mind, and I gently pushed away from my parents and shakily rose to my feet.

I walked around the corner and through the curtain that led to the room at the very back of Gold's shop where we'd put Regina's body when we came from the well. I held my breath the entire way, and as soon as I parted the curtain and stepped just slightly into the room, my entire body caught fire at the sight in front of me. Regina was sitting up, alive and tangible, fucking ALIVE, on the small couch in the corner, dressed in an outfit that she'd apparently conjured for herself upon waking, and was clutching tightly to a sobbing Henry who was cradled in her lap with his head buried in her hair.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she rocked our son in her lap, pressing gentle kisses into his hair and shushing him. "I'm here," she whispered to him lovingly, her voice cracking beautifully. "I'm here now."

I could have died all over again inside that moment, because I knew I had never seen and would never see anything more beautiful in my life. No image could ever mean more to me or affect me more than the picture of the two most important people in my life clutching onto each other with renewed hope and so full of love that the room was practically vibrating with it. Henry was crying so hard that his entire body shook, he had to gasp for air, and great, heart-wrenching moans escaped his throat as he clutched at Regina's neck and shirt, so overwhelmed in that moment that he just splintered apart and broke down.

He hadn't seen his mother in seven months. He hadn't been able to have her hold him or comfort him or tell him she loved him so that he could actually hear her voice. He'd been told she was dead. He'd been to her actual funeral. He'd visited her ashes. He'd mourned for her as had I, and he'd honestly believed for so long, as was natural, that he would never again see his mother, that she was gone forever. And so to have her right in front of him again after all of that, touching him and hugging him and kissing him and telling him that everything was going to be alright…it was a literal dream come true, a dream that shook the kid right to his core.

My own tears were falling so fast that I didn't even bother to try to wipe them away as my heart just fucking exploded in my chest. I felt Snow and David step up just behind me, both of them wrapping their arms around me again. Snow sniffled loudly as we all watched Henry and Regina hold each other, and the sound instantly caught their attention. Regina's head snapped up and her gorgeous chocolate eyes latched onto mine and my head literally swam with dizziness at the purity in her gaze. It was like I could see her fucking soul just dancing right there in her eyes, so full of love, so full of gratitude, so full of everything she'd always kept hidden so deep within, so full of everything she'd never had a reason to feel, everything she'd always been denied. She was so beautiful in that moment that every second I spent in her gaze felt like full years as time just seemed to slow down and whisper around us…like finally, _finally_ we were seeing each other the way we always should have seen each other. We were loving each other exactly the way we'd always been meant to, and time was freezing to allow us a moment to just bask in it after everything we'd been through.

Henry let out another heart-wrenching sob as he squeezed Regina tightly before jumping from her lap and sprinting across the room and straight into my arms. I squatted just a bit so that I could catch him as he slammed into me, and I held him tightly, kissing his head but never taking my eyes off of Regina who was looking at me as if I was the most magnificent, beautiful, miraculous, and yet mind-boggling thing she'd ever seen. It was overwhelming to be the focus of a gaze like that. It touched me electrically, buzzing all over my flesh and setting my heart on fire as I turned Henry around in my arms and nudged him back toward his mother, following him as he led the way to the love of my life.

When we reached the couch where Regina still sat stunned and motionless from the overwhelming sensations of a legitimately life-altering reunion, Henry crawled up onto the couch at her side and I wasted no time in dropping to my knees on the floor in front of her. I was almost afraid to touch her, afraid that I was dreaming, afraid that I was just going to fall right through her like I'd done countless times before. But then she leaned forward on the couch, and it was like she was reading my mind because when her face was within an inch or two of mine, her tears dripping from her chin and onto my shirt, she whispered, "Don't tell me we've come all this way just for you to be afraid to touch me."

I could feel her breath on my lips as we stared deeply into each other's eyes, and it was like we were seeing each other for the first time, like we were both reborn in that one moment, and in a way, we truly were. "What if I fall through you?" I whispered as my own tears slipped down my cheeks, but the smile that touched her lips in that moment blasted through me like a flaming sun and warmed me from the inside out and I knew…I just knew that it was all real. It was all okay. It was all…perfect.

"Emma," she breathed beautifully, the word hitting my lips lovingly and touching my ears like pure grace, "shut up and hold me."

A heart-wrenching sob escaped my throat because I couldn't stop it and I didn't care, and in the next breath Regina's arms were around me, her knees cracking against mine as she dropped to the floor in front of me. She held me tighter than I'd ever been held, and I held her just as tightly, clutching onto her with not only my arms but with my heart, with my desire, with my life. We were finally touching…touching each other and loving each other and it was real. We were alive. We were together.

She cried into my neck and I cried into her hair as we held onto each other and kissed each other, pressing our lips to every bit of flesh we could find—necks, ears, cheeks, lips, chins, noses—it didn't matter. "I love you," I cried as I kissed her over and over again, my arms wrapped around her in a crushing embrace that was painted in my love and laced with my soul.

"I love you," she whispered in return as she just slightly pulled back from the embrace to lock gazes with me. I fell into her eyes in that moment and for the first time in seven months, I felt…I felt like I could breathe again, like I could finally breathe.

"And I love both of you," Henry chimed in, sniffling as he wrapped his arms around us from the side and held on tightly. We pulled him into our embrace, and I couldn't help the way my heart clenched and practically screamed its joy. My family was finally together the way it was meant to be.

I felt Regina's lips press to my forehead once more as we squeezed Henry and each other, and her fingers trailed down arm before lacing through my own. We held hands tightly as we clung to each other, to our son, and to our lives. Everything felt familiar. Everything felt new. That thin veil that had separated us for so achingly long had finally fallen away, and it was like the entire world suddenly just snapped into focus.

And goddamn…it was beautiful.


	26. Chapter 26: Eleven Minutes

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone. I finally finished up moving this weekend, and then when I tried to update, I had technical difficulties, and the site wouldn't let me into my account. So! Now that all of that is done and resolved, here is the next installment.**

**Thank you for all the overwhelming support of this story, especially the last few chapters. Your reviews warm my heart very much and encourage me to write more and better, so I hope you will keep them coming. This chapter is lighter, as the next will be more heavily emotional (in a good way). **

**I wrote this to the soundtrack of "Kiss Me Slowly" by Parachute. I hope you all enjoy. XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Six: Eleven Minutes

"Eleven minutes?!" I exclaimed incredulously as I gaped at my parents and Gold. "We were only gone for eleven freaking minutes?!"

"Roughly, yes, that is correct," Mr. Gold said with a firm nod. "I have to say, dearie, I'm rather impressed. Much faster than I expected."

"Fast?!" I shouted again as Regina chuckled lightly behind me and rubbed small, soothing…_arousing_…circles into my back, her other hand gripped tightly in Henry's. Now that she was alive again and could actually physically touch, it seemed that she couldn't quite keep her hands to herself. I didn't blame her, though. In fact, I was pretty much reveling in it, in finally having Regina's hands on me after so long of aching just to touch her, just for a moment.

"How long did you think you were gone?" Snow asked as we all just sort of stood around in the back room of Gold's shop.

"Just over a decade," Regina answered for me, to which Henry responded with a loud "Whoa" and my parents' eyes bugged out almost comically.

Gold smirked as he said, "I told you, dearies. Time works differently in the Ghostly Plane. I trust you had a lovely ten years together before your dramatic return?"

His voice was positively dripping with sarcasm when he voiced the question, to which I could only grumble and glare at the man because _I_ knew that _he _knew damn well it hadn't been a "lovely" ten years. We hadn't been able to remember each other and had reverted right back to the bitchy banter and obvious disdain that had largely composed the first few months we'd spent together in Storybrooke. So yeah, it hadn't been some easy, breezy, beautiful Covergirl shit where she smiled and I swooned and it was all happy-happy afterwards. It had been hard and rude and seemed like it took forever, but I guess…yeah, I guess looking back I wouldn't have changed it. It was just the way Regina and I were. Nothing had ever been easy or simple between us, and honestly, I kind of liked it that way. We challenged each other, and in the end, it made everything so much better.

Snow let out a small laugh which caught my attention, and I followed her gaze to Regina, whose cheeks had pinked beautifully and I couldn't help but laugh a bit, too. "I take it that that means it wasn't too 'lovely'?" Snow asked with a grin.

"Not quite," Regina mumbled.

"Why not?" Henry asked, his curious gaze darting back and forth between his mom and me.

I shrugged my shoulders and figured that I might as well tell him the truth, because it wasn't like he didn't already know how much Regina and I hadn't been able to stand each other when I'd first come to Storybrooke. "Well kid," I said in a sigh, "it was kind of like when you first brought me here, and me and your mom didn't really get along, you know? We couldn't remember anything that had happened after the Curse broke, so we kind of just went back to not liking each other very much."

"Oh," Henry laughed out, "so you were mean to each other?"

I was surprised that he took it so well. I figured he would be upset by us fighting, but then again, I guessed that was sort of negated considering the fact that Regina and I had been inseparable the entire thirty minutes since our return, unable to stop touching in some way and, you know…like, looking at each all googly-eyed and shit like people in love were supposed to. Whatever. Regardless, he seemed pretty light-hearted about it, as did everyone else, which thankfully relaxed Regina a little more, because I knew she felt a bit ashamed even though we hadn't had any control over it.

"Eh," I told him, shrugging it off as I tousled his hair playfully, "nothing out of the ordinary or over the top. It was pretty much just me being annoying for the sake of being annoying and Regina sniping at me every chance she got." I then pursed my lips and arched my eyebrow as I propped my hands on my hips and did my best impersonation of Regina as I said, "You know, it was her typical, 'Sheriff Swan, your paperwork is late!'; 'Sheriff Swan, your incompetence is astounding!'; 'Sheriff Swan, Henry is _my _son, and you would do well to remember that!'; 'Sheriff Swan, surely our tax dollars would be put to better use than to be wasted on your hours of poorly playing pathetic sports in your office with a foam basketball and a plastic-rimmed basket!'; 'Sheriff Swan, perhaps they never taught you proper etiquette in prison, but in civilized society, it is considered quite rude to bang on people's doors when there is a perfectly good doorbell right in front of you!'; 'Sheriff Swan, I'm not sure what you thi—'"

"Okay, that is quite enough, dear," Regina suddenly interjected, cutting me off as everyone burst into a loud round of laughter, except Gold of course. I was pretty sure that the guy had never _really _laughed a single day in his life. He was much more a fan of smirking amusedly. Must be a villain thing, because Regina was all about that smirking shit, too; only she looked hella hot when she did it. Gold…not so much.

"I think we all get the point," she said as she patted my back a little harder than usual, and I couldn't help but laugh with everyone. I instantly turned and yanked her into my arms, not even caring that we had an audience as I planted several kisses to her neck and cheek and squeezed her as tightly as I could.

I never used to be the type to openly show affection or to even care much for it, but honestly? I just didn't give a fuck anymore. I'd lost the love of my life before I'd ever even realized that she was the love of my life, and then I'd nearly lost my own life just trying to get her back, and _actually succeeded_. I had her back. I had the most incredible second chance a person could ever hope for, and I wasn't going to waste it. I wasn't going to hide it or be shy about it. I would kiss her if I wanted to, touch her if I wanted to, and I didn't care if people saw. I was going to tell her that I loved her and show her that I loved her every chance I got, because all that had happened had seriously slammed things into perspective for me and I was seeing everything so clearly for what felt like the first time in my entire life. And what I learned went a little something like this: I was going to love and take care of my family no matter what, and to hell with everything else, because happy endings only truly happen when you _make_ them happen.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, my lips brushing the soft flesh there, and I instantly felt her body shudder in my arms. A wave of arousal shot through me as I felt the tremor, and I did my best to tamp it down, though I couldn't deny the fact that I'd been aching for the woman for so long that I felt like I was going to explode. And all those little kisses we'd shared in the wake of our success only made my want and need of her more pronounced.

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed just as tightly and I swear I heard her breath hitch as if she was trying to fight off tears, and she very likely was, because it wasn't a momentous moment just because Regina had come back from the dead. It was also a momentous moment because Regina Mills was finally, _finally _getting her happy ending, and the fact that that happy ending revolved so much around me made my heart swell in my chest like a massive fucking balloon set on bursting. She pressed her lips subtly to my neck and whispered to me in return, "I love you so much, Emma."

"Alright, alright, you two," David said, clearing his throat. I pulled out of Regina's embrace and turned to see that goopy smile on my mom's face that pretty much perfectly defined her thoughts on True Love and happy endings—best thing ever!—and tears were glistening in her eyes as she clutched at her heart and leaned dreamily against my dad's shoulder. I couldn't help but roll my eyes even though it was impossibly and sickeningly adorable. David grinned as he wrapped an arm around her before asking, "So, Regina, now that you're…uh…alive again, what do you want to do first?"

I turned to look at Regina then, my eyebrow arching as I smirked at her, unintentionally lowered my voice an octave, and reiterated, "Yeah, Regina, _what _do you want to do first?"

She rolled her eyes at me and tried to suppress a grin as she poked at my side and unexpectedly answered, "I want food."

Everyone cracked up at that, to which Regina only sheepishly smiled before bursting into her own laughter as Henry chimed in and practically shouted, "Me too!"

Regina wrapped her arm around him and pulled him close as she said, "I feel like I haven't eaten in—"

"Seven months?" Snow dropped in teasingly, to which everyone just sort of went kind of quiet. We all stared awkwardly at each other and at my mom before she furrowed her brows and asked, "Too soon?"

"Alright dearies," Gold suddenly cut in, clapping his hands together with finality, "I've actually got a life I'd like to get back to, so if you wouldn't mind, take your newly reanimated limbs and inappropriately soon death jokes elsewhere and let me get on with it."

Everyone just stared around the room in silence for a moment before wordlessly shuffling toward the front door of the pawn shop to leave. Regina pulled back from the rest of us, though, at the last minute and went back to Gold. I was a little surprised to see her hesitantly reach out and slide her hand into his before squeezing and saying, "Thank you…for what you did…for the potion. Thank you."

What was really surprising, though, was the fact that Gold simply propped his cane against the counter, brought his newly free hand over, and patted Regina's hand almost affectionately. He didn't say a single word, just nodded in answer and patted her hand before letting go, grabbing his cane, and making his way back into the back of the shop once more. Regina stood motionless for a moment, watching him go, before she turned and came back to me, slipping one arm around my waist and the other around Henry's shoulders, and we made our way out of the shop together.

* * *

"Goodness, this is tight," Snow said as we all squeezed, literally _squeezed _our asses into David's truck, with Regina and I practically pressed into each other and the door, and Henry squished onto both of our laps.

I pressed my lips as close to Regina's ear as I could get them and very quietly whispered, "That's what she said."

Regina snorted loudly as she leaned her head affectionately against mine and laughed. As she did, the scent of her hair and just of her wafted over me and literally sank right into me. It spilled into me like a fucking lullaby…soft and beautiful and so damn soothing. It made every part of me feel more alive than I'd felt in years, maybe ever.

"What's so funny?" I heard my mother ask, which only made Regina laugh harder. I quickly patted Snow's leg and said, "Nothing, Mom. I was just saying that Henry's got a bony ass, that's all." For good measure, I pointed at the kid who was half in my lap and half in Regina's, which seemed to be a good enough answer for my mom, because she giggled sweetly, which of course made Regina laugh even harder while Henry incredulously snapped, "Hey!"

I was positively giddy in that moment, which was saying something, because the word "giddy" was definitely not a word I had ever defined myself as, but I couldn't deny that that was exactly what I was. I was seriously almost bouncing in my seat with my joy. I'd never known what it felt like to have such joy, a full and loving family that was together and happy, and such love…god, the love. I could feel it practically rolling off of Regina in waves, and I was sending it right back tenfold, but all I really wanted to do was just dive in and roll around in it, let it wrap me up and never let me go.

"I can't wait to get to Granny's," Henry then said, which snapped me out of my Regina-induced reverie and immediately to attention. "I'm starving!"

"What? No, um, nooo," I said, waving my hand to get David's attention and hopefully encourage him to stop the truck. He did, pulling over to the curb and putting the truck in park before turning to face me. Everyone simply stared me at me like I had lost my mind, which had me huffing because well…hell, wasn't it obvious? "Um, we can't go to Granny's, people!"

"What? Why not?" Henry whined, bouncing on my leg, his tailbone like a friggin' knife in my thigh. Jesus.

"Because everyone thinks Regina is dead!" I exclaimed, my tone pretty much screaming, _DUH! _"If we bust up in Granny's with a dead woman in tow, people are gonna freak out. What if Granny has a heart attack or something? She's old. It's likely, and let me tell you from experience, heart attacks aren't fun."

"Wow, I hadn't even thought of that," Snow said, nodding and suddenly looking concerned, which immediately had me rolling my eyes. How had no one thought of that?!

Regina simply clucked her tongue and said, "Well, people are simply going to have to get over it. I'm certainly not going to hide away in the mansion for the rest of my life so as to avoid shocking everyone. Honestly, Emma, we may as well get it over with now."

"Um…okay," I said after a minute, and before I could say anything else, David started up the truck again and within minutes, we were pulling up at the diner. My heart was racing because I didn't even want to think about how people were going to react to finding out that Regina was alive again. I just hoped that no one gave us any trouble.

"Uh, maybe I should go in first and like prepare people or something," I said as we made our way up to the front of the building. Everyone just nodded their acceptance wordlessly, so I shrugged and walked through the front door to see that the diner was fairly crowded as usual. Great.

"Uh, hey everybody," I said loudly, clearing my throat. Everyone in the diner turned to look at me, some of them waving kindly, others whispering about me to the people in their booths, which didn't surprise me considering I'd basically been MIA for months and avoided everyone, and still others gasped with surprise at even seeing me. Then again, they could have been gasping about how I actually looked—grossly thin and unhealthy and obviously hurting for sleep. Oh well. Not much I could do about that except pick up the pieces of my life now that everything was in order and just try to get healthy again.

"Sorry to interrupt your meals," I said, not really sure how to go about the next part. I paused for just a second, and then figured, what the hell? Might as well just throw it out there, because there really was no way to ease people into knowing that the former Evil Queen they'd all feared and then tried to kill but failed to kill who then died because of her own actions was now alive again. So, yeah… "I just need to make a quick announcement. As you all know, several months back, Regina died after ingesting a death curse to save my life and Snow's life. Well, none of you really know this, but I found out afterwards that Regina was…uh, _is _my True Love, and that's why I went kind of crazy and left my job and haven't been around. I've been looking for a way to bring her back from the dead, and then I figured out a way, and so I went to the Ghostly Plane after taking one of Mr. Gold's potions, and I kissed her soul with True Love's kiss and saved her life…in only _eleven _minutes…you know, after we restored her body with the water from the well. So yeah…now she's back and alive again, and we're like…in…True Love…together…or whatever, and we're here to have a nice meal with our kid and my parents, so if you guys could just let us do that, then that'd be great. Okay? Thanks!"

There was an intensely awkward silence, and then suddenly the entire diner just erupted into a loud chorus of laughter. "Damn, sister," Leroy suddenly piped up from the back of the diner, which made my skin crawl, because I still couldn't stand him after everything he'd said all those months ago, the day of my heart attack, "how much have you had to drink? And everyone thinks _I _drink a lot."

"What?" I asked. "What the hell are you talking about? I haven't had anything to drink. I'm being serious. Regina _is _alive again."

Right at that moment, the bell above the diner door chimed as the door opened and in walked Snow, David, Henry, and finally, the very woman I'd just been talking about. Gasps echoed around the entire diner before those gasps turned into murmurs or even shocked silence. Regina stepped up beside me and I slipped my hand into hers as she awkwardly grinned and said, "Hello everyone."

The Blue Fairy pretty much just keeled over right then, passing out on the spot, which I almost laughed about, but I managed to hold it in. Ruby squealed with excitement, which didn't surprise me at all, because she'd visited me quite a few times in the library, and she was the only person outside of my family that I'd let slip to about my feelings for Regina. Granny shocked me when she simply grunted and said, "I'll get your usual, Regina." But it was Leroy, of course, that just had to take the path of _most _resistance.

"What the hell?!" He growled as he jumped out of his booth and marched forward, his lip curled and his meaty index finger pointing viciously at Regina. "What is this? Some kind of trickery? Some kind of dark magic? Snow? How the hell can you get behind this? Did you know about this?! She's the EVIL QUEEN! She should've stayed dead!"

"Alright, that's it," I snapped, yanking my hand out of Regina's despite her quickly clamping down and trying to calm me by sweetly saying, "It's okay, Emma. Let it go."

I wrenched out of her hold as I barked, "No, it's not okay." I stomped over to Leroy, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "I've had enough of your bullshit. You're negative and hateful and you can't let go of the past. Get over it. Regina isn't the Evil Queen anymore, and she was dead for seven months after sacrificing her life for mine and Snow's. I'm pretty sure she's paid her dues."

I was pretty surprised to actually hear some echoes of agreement from around the diner, though happily surprised to be sure. Leroy, though, simply snarled at me and growled out, "I don't care if she risked her life a thousand times for yours _or _for Snow's. Nothing she ever does will be enough to make up for the horrible things she did when she was queen. She deserved death, and who the hell are you to say otherwise? You don't know a damn thing about that life or about what we all went—"

An audible crack rang out through the diner as my fist collided thickly with the side of Leroy's face, instantly shutting him up. His eyes rolled back in his head as the hit caused him to black out, which didn't surprise me considering the fact that my hand was aching like a bitch and I was pretty sure I'd broken it on his face. His body hit the floor with a thud and he lay there unconscious as I shook out my hand and bit my tongue to keep from howling in pain.

Regina instantly stepped forward and placed her hands around mine, her magic jumping into my hand and immediately soothing the pain as she healed the break. As she healed me, I glanced around the diner and practically barked out, "Anybody else got a problem? Because if not, then I'm going to try to have a damn peaceful dinner with my family."

Everyone murmured their acceptance, shaking their heads or simply looking away and growing silent, which was enough for me. I nodded, feeling pretty badass, and glanced to Regina just as she was finishing with my hand. She smirked at me before pressing a quick kiss to my palm. "Thank you for defending my honor, darling."

"You got it, babe," I said before suddenly launching forward, sweeping her up in my arms and pressing a loud, sloppy kiss right on her lips to nothing but the amusing soundtrack of Regina's approving moan, Henry's embarrassed giggle, and Ruby's howl of encouragement. Yeah, that was more like it.


	27. Chapter 27: Welcome to Existence

**A/N: Hello friends. This chapter took me a little longer to write, not only because it's longer, but because I put a lot into it. I wanted it to be emotional and authentic and well-paced, so I hope that I was able to accomplish that, and I hope that you all thoroughly enjoy it.**

**Thank you all for supporting me and this story and for being wonderful enough to always let me know how much the story means to you. I appreciate it more than I can say. (That sounds so final, but it's not. This is not the last chapter.)**

**I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot. Give it a try. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Welcome to Existence

The dinner at Granny's actually wasn't too awkward. We were left to ourselves and our meal, and everyone else in the diner sort of just stayed away, which I was happy about. I didn't need anyone else trying to rain on my, my-True-Love-just-came-back-from-the-dead parade. Luckily enough, no one did. In fact, everyone in the diner either left shortly after we sat down or randomly snuck stares in our direction, but they mostly remained in their seats and kept quiet; except for Ruby, of course. She practically fawned over Regina for a good fifteen minutes, which not only shocked Regina considering they had never really been friends (Regina had never really had _any _friends to be honest, so she wasn't very used to positive and friendly attention), but also because Ruby actually pulled her into a legitimately crushing embrace.

"I don't care about the past," Ruby said while she waited patiently for Regina to return her embrace, which she did after a few awkward moments of standing stiff as a board in Rubes' arms. "I don't care about any of it. You're not the Evil Queen anymore. You're just Regina, and well, I like Regina a lot."

My smile only grew as I heard Regina chuckle softly, though I could hear the slight crack in her voice. I knew that Ruby's words meant a lot more to her than she was probably ever going to be able to express. "Emma's been killing herself over you, and _that _has been killing me. I just want her happy, and you make her happy, and so you make me happy."

Even Ruby's voice cracked with those words, and guilt instantly flooded through my heart. I guess I hadn't really realized just how much my downward spiral had affected my best friend. I mean, I knew that she was worried. She would come into the library a lot to see me, but she never stayed very long, just basically sort of throwing food at me and telling me to eat before sighing heavily, telling me she loved me, and then leaving without another word. Hearing her break down a bit in the diner really slammed everything into perspective, though. It sounded like she'd been utterly fucking terrified for me, and it only made me love her more.

"Shit…" Ruby muttered, swiping at her eyes even as she continued to squeeze Regina tightly. I was shocked to see Regina's hands rub small comforting circles into Ruby's back. I guess death had really opened her up more to affection. At least, I hoped it had. "I'm just so happy."

Everyone at the table laughed lovingly at that as Regina and Ruby finally pulled out of their embrace. I glanced over at my mother, who of course had tears streaking down her cheeks and a giant smile on her face. She cried a lot, but then I looked at David and realized that his cheeks were wet, too. What the hell? The last person I glanced at was my son, and that was when my heart really cracked wide open.

Henry's eyes were practically eating the table as he avoided looking at me or anyone, but I could see that his body was trembling a bit and then I saw several tears splash down onto the table from his flushed cheeks. My breath hitched in my throat and my chest grew tight and started to burn and ache. The sight of his sorrow absolutely destroyed me.

Ruby and Regina had apparently exchanged a few more words, but I'd been so wrapped up in observing my son that I'd missed them, and Ruby was turning to head back to the kitchen. I quickly jumped out of my chair and to my feet, reaching out and grabbing Ruby's arm to stop her from going. There was something I needed to say to her, to all of them. It was something I should have said a long time ago.

"Rubes, wait," I said as I tugged her arm and she turned watery eyes and a smile toward me.

"Uh, I-I…" I stuttered out, because for some reason I suddenly felt nervous. I'd never really been one for airing out my emotions, and just the thought of doing so out loud where a good number of people might actually be able to hear me was not only daunting; it was terrifying. I felt my breath quicken in my lungs, its suddenly rapid rhythm making me lightheaded. I just knew my cheeks were pink because my entire face felt hot and I could feel my palms sweating. Fuck, I hate feelings sometimes.

"Em, you okay?" Ruby asked me, her facial expression suddenly contorting with concern as she stepped a bit closer and latched onto my hand. She squeezed it tightly, which effectively forced me to focus. I locked onto her brown eyes, and they were filled with such care and concern, and it literally just chucked me right over the edge. Tears built faster than I was prepared to deal with and before I could even process what was happening, they spilled over the dams of my eyelids and slid down my cheeks.

"I…Ruby, I'm so sorry," I just barely managed to choke out thickly through my tears. "I didn't…I guess I didn't realize how bad it was. I'm sorry."

Fresh tears leaked down my best friend's cheeks, too, as she let out a shaky sigh and just yanked me into her arms. We gripped each other tightly and she buried her head in my neck as she cried. "Please don't scare me like that again, Emma," she whispered so that only I could hear. "You're my best friend, and I thought I was going to lose you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again as I clung to her, doing my best to shut out the surrounding diner and the eyes that I knew were glued to us. My heart felt like a throbbing puddle of goo as I took a deep and steadying breath before continuing. My words couldn't have been any more sincere than when I said, "You're my best friend, too. I'm so sorry I scared you," because I really was sorry. I was sorrier than that single word actually expressed.

Looking back, I wouldn't (couldn't) have changed anything about my obsession over Regina and bringing her back. There had really been no way around it, because she was my heart, but I _could _have let Ruby in. I could have let Snow in or David or even Henry. I could have let them help me instead of just pushing them all away in some lame attempt to protect them all from the truth and from false hope, or to simply suffer in silence. Hell, I couldn't even explain it.

Hindsight was such a kick in the ass sometimes.

Ruby gave me one final hard squeeze before pulling out of my arms, smiling softly at me, and nodding as if to say, "It's all good, Em," and it felt that way. It felt like everything was suddenly just so fucking good. She left then, heading back to the kitchen to grab the orders that had recently gone up, and I turned back to my family, because I knew I had a lot more apologizing to do. I locked gazes with Snow then, and I could already see her tears rebuilding in her eyes. Shit.

I just sort of stood there for a few minutes in silence, fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot as I picked at my fingernails, until I felt someone slip into the space beside me. I didn't even have to look to know that it was Regina. It was like my body, my soul, just recognized her. The warm comfort of her hand settled firmly against the small of my back, and suddenly I found my voice.

"Uh, Mary Mar-I mean, Snow…I mean, Mom," I said a little shyly, internally cursing myself over how stupid I must have sounded, but then I watched as her face practically exploded into a smile wide enough to connect Maine to New Hampshire. I seriously don't think there's anything in the world that that woman likes better than when I call her Mom. It's stupidly adorable. I cleared my throat and turned my gaze to David to acknowledge him, too. "Dad," I added in a weird strangled whisper. Fuck, I hated crying. I'd been doing way too damn much crying over the last seven months. At some point, something's got to give, you know?

David just smiled softly at me and nodded his head. His face didn't erupt like a volcano full of joy like Snow's did, but I could tell that the familial term meant a lot to him, too. It made me hope that, someday, calling them "Mom" and "Dad" would be as natural as when I called Henry "kid." I kept shuffling my weight around, bouncing nervously from foot to foot as Regina rubbed comforting circles into my back, and finally, after a few deep breaths, I pushed myself to speak. I hated talking about feelings, especially my own, but if I could do it for Ruby, then I figured that I could do it for the people who brought me into the world.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you both away and let myself fall apart like that," I said in a rushed sigh. "And I'm sorry that I kind of forced you into taking over my responsibilities." That one definitely deserved an apology. I'd basically abandoned my job, so David had had to take it over, and I'd basically shoved Henry into Snow's care. God, I felt fucking horrible about all of it.

"I didn't realize how bad I'd gotten," I told them as I fought back the tears that were burning in my eyes, "even though Regina lectured me every day." I tried to laugh a bit at that, glancing to my right to see a soft smile on Regina's mouth even as she poked playfully at my side and pulled me closer to her. "I should never have let myself get so lost, but I can't change it now. I can just say that I'm sorry. I'm really so sorry, and well…thank you," I said sincerely. "Thank you for everything and for not giving up on me and for taking care of things at the station and for taking care of Henry and a million other things."

Snow started to say something as she wiped at her cheeks, but I jumped in again, because I needed to just get it all out and I had one more thing to say to them. "And I can't promise that I won't ever fall apart again, because hell, I think it's safe to say that we've learned that anything can happen at any minute, but I _can _promise that I won't shut you guys out anymore." I fidgeted a little more before quietly choking out, "And…I-I love you both."

"We love you, too," David said as he grinned at me, his blue eyes watery and his smile wide. "We will always be there for you, Emma. We missed a lot, but we don't plan on missing any more. We'll be there, honey."

That just about choked me up. I'd been pretty good at holding my tears back throughout my entire little speech, but David's words almost sent me over the edge. I'd never had a family before, never had parents—at least not permanent ones, not ones that actually loved me for anything outside of the check that housing me brought in. It was a little overwhelming, the whole unconditional parental love and acceptance thing. It was beautiful and it felt so fucking good, but it was also hard. It was a little terrifying to be honest. When I was a kid, I'd heard a lot of different people tell me that they would be there for me or that they loved me, but it had always ended up just being lies in one way or another. So, my natural instinct was to reject it. My natural instinct was to not let his words even come close to my heart, let alone touch it, but for the first time in my life, I just told my brain and my past to shut the hell up, and I let those words slam right into me and flood through my veins. I chose to believe in them and in the love they offered me. I chose to simply believe.

"Your father is right," Snow chimed in, her voice a little hoarse from crying so much but still gentle and sweet. "No matter how hard you fall, honey, we will _always _be there to help you up again. Please don't be afraid to come to us, though, Emma. Don't be afraid to ask us for help or to tell us what's in your heart. Your father and I will never judge you, and we will always want to help. We love you so much, honey."

I couldn't help the tears then. They were like "Fuck your composure, Emma!" and just spilled forcefully down my cheeks. I tried to hold in the sob that soared up my throat, but that only resulted in this weird strangled gurgle sound that echoed from somewhere between my chest and my tongue. I moved around the table and both my parents were instantly on their feet, both of them wrapping me up in a hug at the same time. I laughed awkwardly at myself as my tears fell and I squeezed Snow and David as they squeezed me, and I huffed out, "I don't know why I decided that a public diner was a good place to spill my heart out."

Snow chuckled softly as she rubbed my back and said, "Sometimes you have to say things right when you feel them. Sometimes, your heart doesn't give you any choice."

"Yeah," I whispered softly as I squeezed them tightly one last time before stepping away and turning back toward the table. I took the deepest breath of all as I looked at my son and realize that he hadn't moved a muscle. His head was still down, his eyes clenched tightly closed and his body trembling. There was an actual puddle on the table just under his face where his tears had fallen from his cheeks and nose and collected on the hard surface. The sight, again, destroyed me.

I glanced to Regina, and saw that she was also watching him. Her eyes were absolutely flooded with sorrow as she then dropped into the seat next to him and laid her hand on his shaking back. I walked back around the table and dropped onto my knees on the floor next to his chair, and Regina and I instantly locked gazes over Henry's bowed head. Her cheeks were wet and so were mine, and though I didn't know exactly what to say, I knew I had to say something. I owed the biggest and deepest apologies to Henry, and I wished…god, I would have given anything for words to have been enough, but I knew they wouldn't be. The apologies he deserved were so much bigger, so much greater, so much more meaningful than words could ever manage to say, but that was all I had, so that was what I would give.

"Hey kid," I said softly, cursing the fact that my voice was already cracking and trembling and I hadn't even gotten to the heavy stuff yet. He didn't respond or look at me or anything. He stayed in that same position, refusing to look at anything or anyone, so I just talked to him from my position on the floor and hoped that I could break through his sorrow, hoped that he could forgive me; hoped that everything would be okay.

"I think we both know that I owe you the biggest apology," I told him through my tears, and I could hear Snow sniffling from across the table and Regina doing the same from Henry's other side. I didn't even know how I was going to get my next words out, but I knew that I _had _to get them out. You know, it's one thing to know and internally acknowledge that you disappointed someone, that you let someone down, but it's an entirely different thing to have to admit to it out loud. Openly expressing that you failed as a parent is hard enough, but openly expressing it to your actual kid was like torture. It hurt everywhere. Still, I owed Henry that much. He needed to know all the things that I had never known when I was a kid, all the things that were never true when it was _me_ that was sitting quietly with my head bowed and crying to myself about having lost another parent—that it wasn't because he wasn't loved, that it wasn't because he wasn't enough, that it wasn't because I wanted to.

"I-I think we both know that I owe you a lot more than just an apology," I added sincerely. My breathing was staggered and messy and didn't offer me any relief as I kept sucking in lungful after lungful, hoping it would help me say the things I needed to say but it didn't. It just made me lightheaded.

"I disappeared on you when you n-needed me most," I started, stuttering a bit as I fought to steady my breathing and talk through my tears and the heavy sobs that I could feel building in my chest. "I w-wasn't the mother you needed me to b-be. I wasn't strong like you, Henry. I wasn't…I didn't…"

I let out a heavy sigh as wave after wave of disappointment racked my body, disappointment in myself, and I cried so hard in that moment that I was audibly gasping and sobbing as I held onto the edge of table to keep myself upright and forced out the words, "I abandoned you. I failed you."

His body shook even harder when I was finally able to get those words out, soft little whimpers escaping him as he clenched his eyes tightly closed and cried without saying a word or even lifting his head. I reached out a hand and grabbed onto one of his where it was resting, tightly knotted with his other, in his lap. I clutched onto his hand and squeezed it as I put my entire heart into saying, "and I'm sorry Henry. I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am."

I felt Regina's hand land on top of my hand, both of our hands now resting on top of Henry's, and it was like her touch alone gave me strength. I took another steadying breath and blew it out in a rush as I explained, "You don't have to forgive me, Henry. I understand if you're mad at me or even if you hate me. I swore to myself that I'd never make you feel the way that I felt when I was your age, that I'd never let you feel alone or abandoned, but I did. I _did _make you feel that way, and I'm so disappointed in myself, but all I can do is apologize and hope that you can someday forgive me for it. And Henry, I promise, I _promise _you that I will _never _do that again, and I hope you believe me. I will never leave you again, no matter what happens. As long as I'm alive, you will _always _have me."

Regina squeezed my hand tightly as I squeezed Henry's, and her sobs ripped into me as my own bubbled up from my throat. "I love you so much, Henry," I whispered through my tears, "and I know I haven't done a very good job of showing that recently, but do you remember when I woke you up from the sleeping curse?"

Again, he didn't say anything and he didn't look up, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw his tiny, almost imperceptible nod. "I was only able to do that because of how much I love you, kid," I told him, "and even though I hurt you and even though you have every right to be mad at me, I hope you never doubt that much. I hope you realize that the only reason I was able to wake you up that day was because, Henry, _you _are my truest love."

Both Regina _and _Henry let out a very audible sob when I said those words, and before I could even process what was happening, my ass smacked into the floor as my son barreled into me, his arms wrapping tightly around my neck as he cried into my shoulder. Having him wrapped around me like a koala bear was a reminder of how big the kid was getting, but I didn't care. I just wrapped tightly around him as I pushed myself back up into a sitting position and kissed the top of his head, relief flooding through me.

"You're so special to me, kid," I said quietly as I rubbed his back and cried with him. "Sometimes, I can't even believe that _I _made you, because you're so smart, and you're so creative, and you're so much more than I ever was or could ever be. And I'm so thankful to have the chance to know you and to be in your life. I'm so thankful for you, Henry, and I'm so, _so _sorry for leaving you behind."

He didn't say anything for a long time but just continued to cry into my shoulder. I locked gazes with Regina over the top of the kid's head as I held him and saw that her cheeks were completely soaked. She smiled softly at me and there was so much love in her eyes in that moment that I swear her gaze alone could have melted me into a puddle. She shifted just a bit in her seat, and the view from behind her swam into focus for just a second. That was when realization returned to me and I remembered that we were having this massive cryfest in the middle of Granny's, and literally _everyone _was motionless and staring at us. I also noticed that most of the people watching, even Blue, were crying as they stared at us in our obviously not-so-private family moment.

I suddenly felt very exposed, which made my skin prickle uncomfortably, but at the same time, I couldn't really bring myself to care. It was like Snow said, sometimes you just had to say things right when you felt them. So, I tuned everyone out again and focused only on my family, feeling lighter than I had in a long time after cracking open my hard exterior and spilling my emotions out. It felt nice.

By the time my ass had started to go numb on the cold floor and the tears around the table had seemed to dry up, I was so ready for a nice, long nap that I could literally feel myself dozing off as I let my head rest atop Henry's. I hadn't moved because he hadn't moved, and I didn't care that we were in public. I was going to sit there and hold him for as long as he needed, even if it meant no longer being able to feel any of my body parts, but then Henry suddenly let out a heavy sigh and pulled his head up from my shoulder. His eyes and cheeks were puffy and red as he rubbed at them before looking at me and saying, "I love you too, Ma."

* * *

As we were leaving the diner a little later, all of us exhausted and dehydrated from the intense emotional roller coaster that the long day had been, Regina pulled me aside and asked if she could have a few hours alone with Henry. I wrapped her up in a warm embrace, kissed her temple, and said, "Regina, Henry is _your _son. You never have to ask permission to spend time with him. Go on and I'll see you guys at home."

I _really _didn't want to be away from her so soon after getting her back, or ever really, but I knew that she needed this. Henry did too. They'd been apart too long, and in the worst way. They needed some time just to be with each other again, and I could definitely respect that.

She smiled softly at me then before pressing a sweet kiss to my lips and heading in the direction of David's truck where both David and Henry were leaning against the tailgate and waiting for us. Before she could get very far, though, Snow yelled out, "Regina, wait!" Regina turned on the spot and stared at Snow a little warily before returning cautiously.

"Snow," she said softly before waiting for whatever it was that my mother wanted to say. I stepped up next to them to listen. I was pretty positive that Snow was firmly on Team Regina by that point, but given their history, one could never really be sure. So, I stayed there with them just in case some weird or crazy shit went down.

"I just wanted to say," Snow began, her eyes darting to the ground nervously before locking with Regina's, "that I've had a lot of time to think over the last seven months, and I don't know if Emma told you, but I was kind of a wreck after you…well, after everything."

Regina didn't say anything and neither did I. We both just kind of stared at each other and then stared at Snow, waiting for whatever was coming next. Snow let out a heavy sigh then and said, "I never hated you. I never could, and I'm sorry. I wish…Regina, I wish—"

"Me too," Regina interjected as if she knew what Snow was going to say without even having to hear her say it. Snow looked completely and utterly shocked for about 2.5 seconds before her face broke into a teary smile and she instantly moved forward to hug Regina. She stopped just shy of touching her, though, trepidation spilling across her features as she said, "Oh, sorry, I was just…"

Regina let out an awkward and soft chuckle before she held open her arms and said, "We might as well."

Snow instantly launched into Regina's arms and they hugged for what I'm pretty sure was the first time since my mom was like…a tween or something. It was awkward to witness but also pretty amazing, and it lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. I didn't say anything. I knew they needed this moment, and I hoped it would only grow from that point, that they could actually become friends or something similar with time.

When they finally separated from their embrace, Regina smiled at both of us and then turned again to go get Henry, but Snow quickly grabbed her arm, and again, said, "Regina, wait."

Regina sighed softly as she turned around again. She let out another chuckle and teased, "Snow, I already let you hug me. If you're pushing for a girl's slumber party or something, you should know that I'm going to need at least another thirty years to become comfortable with that idea."

We all cracked up at that before my mom surprised all of us by saying, "No, I just had something I wanted to say." She took a deep breath then before looking right in Regina's eyes and saying, "I never thought I would ever say something like this to you of all people, Regina, but I want you to know that I'm glad it's _you_. I'm glad that you are my daughter's True Love. I think it's strangely fitting, almost poetic even, given our history, but it feels right, and I know that you will love her the way she deserves to be loved, and I know that Emma will love you the way that you deserve to be loved, too."

Regina swallowed so thickly in that moment that it was audible and I couldn't help but smile as she tried to very discreetly wipe at a few tears that had slipped out. She nodded kindly at Snow and where I expected her to say "thank you" or something similar, she instead took a step forward and very firmly said, "I promise I will." And then without another word, she turned quickly around and all but ran toward Henry, probably afraid that Snow would stop her and pull her back again.

* * *

"So, how do you do you feel?" Snow asked me as we settled into the couch at the mansion, our legs tangled comfortably together as we sat on opposite ends and stared at one another, the way we used to before we ever knew we were mother and daughter; when we were just Emma and Mary Margaret.

Regina and Henry had been gone for a couple of hours, probably at the beach or simply walking around town together, and so Snow had decided to keep me company for a while. I really think she just needed to be around me a little longer. It was obvious with the way she'd reacted when I came back from the Ghostly Plane that she had been legitimately terrified that I might never come back.

"So tired," I told her, yawning as if on cue.

She laughed at me as she hugged one of Regina's fancy couch pillows that usually only existed for decoration. "I bet," she said, and then a silence settled over us. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It never was with her. We had always had this comfort between us even from the beginning. Maybe it was because some part of us recognized who the other one really was to us. Maybe it was something else. It didn't really matter. I was just thankful that we had it, that comfort.

After an extended silence and what felt like several _thousand _yawns later, I literally burst into laughter when Snow awkwardly said, "So…if you're a lesbian, how did you end up pregnant with Henry?"

For some reason, her asking that was like a million times funnier than it would have been any other time. It was probably because I was so tired. Things are always funnier when you haven't slept in a long time. I basically cackled for a good five minutes before I asked, "Who said I was a lesbian?"

"Honey," Snow deadpanned, "your True Love is a woman."

"Yeah, so?" I said. "I didn't have any control over that. That was like fate or whatever."

"Yes, and apparently fate believes that you are a lesbian," Snow said, grinning as she poked at my feet.

"Maybe I swing both ways," I told her. "Well no, that's not true. I _did _swing both ways," I clarified, "but not anymore. Regina is it for me. I don't want to swing any direction any more. I just want to be still with her."

"Wow, Emma," Snow choked as tears built quickly in her eyes, "that was beautiful."

"Oh hell," I said, laughing. "I apparently get stupid and romantic when I'm sleepy."

"Romantic, yes," she agreed, "but it definitely wasn't stupid. I think you should tell Regina what you just told me."

"Really?" I asked her, suddenly thinking that maybe I should be tired more often if romantically genius shit was going to pop up in my head. I did have a woman to impress now after all.

"Yes, of course," she told me. "Regina's life has never been very stable, Emma. I think you know that much even if you don't know every detail of her history. I think all she's really _ever _wanted was some peace, someone to be still with."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," I sighed, mulling it over.

"So, if you're not a lesbian, then does that mean you've never been with another woman before?" she asked, which caught me off guard but instantly had me cackling again. I still don't know why that shit was so funny. "Because I think I would be very nervous if I were you and I hadn't before. Aren't you nervous?"

"What do you mean?" I asked her, still laughing. It was hilariously cute the way Snow desperately wanted to have "girl talk" with me, as she called it; she firmly believed that it was something mothers and daughters were supposed to engage in, especially mothers and daughters who had previously been best friends that had had "girl talk" all the time. I didn't really mind. It wasn't like I wasn't comfortable with her. We'd had all sorts of conversations about sex prior to finding out we were mother and daughter, and it wasn't like she didn't know that I'd had sex. Kind of obvious since my eleven-year-old was in her class. Besides, I was an adult; hell, we were practically the same age, so I was pretty cool with it. "Nervous about what? Why would I be nervous?"

"Well, about sex," she said, her cheeks pinking just slightly. "Aren't you nervous that you won't know what to do or that you'll be bad at it?"

"No," I told her honestly. "I've been with a couple of girls before, but even if I hadn't, I wouldn't be nervous. It's not like I'm not intimately familiar with that body part."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "You and Regina had sex before all this?!"

"What?" I reiterated, confused for only a moment before I reflected on what I'd said and clarified. "No! No, I meant that I'm familiar with that body part in general, not specifically Regina's. I meant that I'm familiar with it because I _have _one." I laughed then, realizing how utterly ridiculous this conversation was and how hard Regina would probably be cracking up if she was hearing it, too. "It's like mostly instinct."

"Oh right," she said, nodding. "I never thought of it that way, but I suppose that does make a lot of sense."

"Yup," I sighed as I rested my head against the back of the couch, but then I saw that look on my mom's face. I instantly recognized it, the look that basically said she wanted to talk about something she considered either terribly scandalous or something she shouldn't be talking about at all. I just rolled my eyes, grinned at her, and asked, "What?"

"I was just thinking," she said, trailing off at the end. Her voice then dropped to a whisper as she asked, "Do you think _Regina_ has ever been with a woman before?"

I laughed out loud again at that and honestly told her, "I really have no clue."

"I always wondered," Snow said, surprising me.

"Um, why?" I asked her, arching an eyebrow. "Please tell me you didn't have some weird crush on her or were like infatuated with her or something."

"Everyone was infatuated with her, Emma," she said, laughing. "I didn't have a crush on her, but basically everyone else did. That's why I wondered. People threw themselves at her all the time, even the women. Personally, I was more _fascinated_ by her than anything; at least, until my father died and everything just sort of fell apart."

"Fascinated?" I asked her. "In what way?"

"I honestly don't know," she answered, shrugging her shoulders. "It's difficult to explain. She just always had this air about her, almost like she was a magnet drawing people in. After she started using magic and after my father died, I never really saw her the same way, but when I first met her, she was so…I couldn't help but be enamored by her. She had the biggest, brightest smile, Emma, and she was so full of life and joy and hope. She was just beautiful in every way."

"Yeah," I sighed, "she still is. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

"There you go again," Snow said, laughing as she tickled my foot and grinned at me. "You're such a romantic when you're sleepy, Em."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. "Regina would probably just make fun of me if I said something like that to her."

"Actually," a voice sounded from behind the couch, and both Snow's head and mine whipped up and around to see Regina standing in the foyer, tears in her eyes and a wide smile on her face, "I'm going to have to agree with your mother, dear. I thought it was quite romantic."

Henry was standing beside her, leaning into her side and grinning like a fool. I felt my entire face turn bright red as both he and Regina laughed and I heard Snow say, "Told you so."

Everything happened pretty quickly after that. Snow said that she should get going, hugged all of us, and told me she'd call the next day after we'd all gotten some sleep. As soon as she left, Henry rubbed heavily at his eyes and said that he was so tired he could fall asleep standing up. Both Regina and I followed him upstairs and tucked him in, hugging and kissing him, and laughing at the fact that he was asleep and snoring before we ever even flicked his light off and left the room.

As soon as Regina clicked his door closed behind her, things got a little tense. We sort of just stood in the hallway and stared at each other for a long time, neither of us moving or saying anything. It was like we didn't know what to do then. The mansion had become my home in Regina's absence. Her room was my room. Her bed was my bed. But now she was back, and I didn't really know if all of that still applied. Maybe she wanted to take things slow. Maybe she wanted me to move into the guestroom or even back to the loft. Maybe she wanted her room all to herself. How was I even supposed to ask her about it without being awkward?

"So, um," I said, just sort of jumping in and hoping I didn't make a complete ass of myself, "how do you want to do this?"

Her eyebrows furrowed for a second before she asked, "How do I want to do what?"

"You know," I mumbled, "everything. I can sleep in the guestroom or I can go back to the loft. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Her entire face softened then and she smiled at me as she took a step toward me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Emma, sometimes you're such an idiot."

I couldn't even quip back at her because her proximity and her touch were doing wild things to my body that had me absolutely on edge, so I just gulped and whispered, "Yeah, I know."

She rubbed slow circles into my sides with her thumbs and I swear my entire body felt like goo in that moment as my breath hitched in my throat and a tingling sparked at the base of my spine. She smirked as I swallowed thickly, and she whispered, "I want you in my room. I want you in my bed. I want you in my life, Emma."

"Yeah?" I whimpered as my hands dug into her hips unconsciously and pulled her closer.

"Every day," she whispered. Tears built in my eyes as she continued to stroke my sides and whisper softly to me, because I swear I could hear her heart in her voice, her soul in her words. "Always."

A few tears slipped down my cheeks as I let out a shaky breath and leaned forward to press my forehead against hers. We stood there, holding one another in the hallway, as our hearts beat against each other. I tilted just enough to touch my lips to hers, sighing contentedly into her mouth before pulling back barely an inch and nodding as I agreed. "Always."

"Let's go to bed," she said then, and my stomach completely flipped. Why my body was permanently stuck inside my suddenly roaring libido now that Regina was back was completely beyond me, but I couldn't deny that it felt amazing; just wanting her and knowing that I could actually touch her and have her and be with her.

I followed her into the bedroom and we didn't say anything as we pulled our clothes off, down to our underwear and crawled beneath the sheets. As much as I wanted her physically in that moment, I knew that she was exhausted, and so was I. Besides, I was perfectly happy to just lay with her. Her body was perfection, soft and smooth beneath my hands as I pulled her flush against me and buried my face in her silky, chocolate hair.

"Please still be here when I wake up," I whispered into her neck as we drifted off together.

She squeezed my arms tightly where they were clutched around her waist and quietly promised, "I'll be here, Emma."


	28. Chapter 28: Our Rhythm

**A/N: I wrote this chapter to the soundtrack of "Look After You" by The Fray. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think. XO-Chrmdpoet**

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Our Rhythm

I was surprised when I felt Regina's hand come up to clutch around my fingers as they rested against her neck. I glanced quickly to the balcony doors only to see that it was still dark outside, though the sky was starting to lighten just slightly. I figured Regina would want to sleep at least a little longer, but then I heard her let out a long, heavy sigh before she rolled over in my arms and locked those beautiful chocolate orbs on me.

"Emma," she whispered softly, sighing again, "that's the eleventh time that you have checked my pulse since we came to bed."

Embarrassment washed over me and I could practically feel my cheeks turning red in that moment. Thankfully it was dark enough that it probably wasn't too visible. I cleared my throat and tried to think of some excuse, like maybe I just liked her neck or something, but then I didn't want her thinking I had some weird neck fetish or some shit like that. Besides, it was true that I had been checking her pulse. I couldn't help myself. I hardly slept because it was like every time I closed my eyes, I would dream about losing her again, and then I'd jolt awake to find her beside me, which was comforting but it wasn't enough. I had to know for sure. So, I spent pretty much the entire night alternating between pressing my ear to her back to listen to her breathing and pressing my fingers to her neck to make sure that her heart was still beating. I felt like an idiot for doing it, but I was scared.

Having her finally and after everything that had happened…it just felt too good to be true, and my entire life had been made up of things that _always _turned out to be exactly that. My whole life had been one giant stream of disappointments, and so I felt like I was just teetering on the edge, waiting for the rocks to crumble beneath me and rip us apart again, away from each other. Besides, I figured that checking her breathing and her pulse was better than shaking the hell out of her to wake her up every fifteen minutes just to make sure she was still alive. I actually _did_ want her to get the rest she needed. Apparently I'd failed at that, though, considering she knew the exact number of times I'd checked on her. Great.

When I couldn't come up with any plausible excuses, I just bowed my head a bit and said, "I'm sorry."

Her fingers trailed across my cheek and I closed my against the sensation, letting it soothe me like nothing ever had. "I promised I would be here, Emma, and I'm here. I'm still here," she whispered softly. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

My breath came out in a stutter as tears built behind my eyelids and my throat tightened around a growing lump. "I know," I told her. "I know that. It's just…I feel like, like it's all just…"

"Too good to be true?" she finished for me, and of course she knew exactly what I'd been thinking.

"Yeah," I told her, nodding into my pillow, "and I'm…I'm scared."

It amazed me sometimes how vulnerable I could be with Regina, but even before, when she was untouchable, when she was gone, it was like the world would just shrink and shrink and shrink around us until it was only me and her. And when that happened, my whole body just cracked wide open and I wasn't so afraid to put my heart on display anymore. I trusted her with it. I trusted her not to hurt me, not to take advantage of my weaker points and use them against me. I trusted her to love me even in my quiet moments and in my wide open spaces.

Amazingly, her features softened even further as she traced the tip of her index finger down the bridge of my nose and over my lips before she smiled softly at me and said, "It's okay to be scared, Emma, but you don't _have _to be." She then slipped her hand down to the sheets until she found my own hand and wrapped it tightly in hers. She pulled my hand up to her chest, clad only in a soft bra, and pressed my palm to the smooth space just above the swell of her left breast.

"You see?" she whispered, and there was nothing but pure, unadulterated love in her voice. "That is my heart. It's beating."

A single tear slipped down my cheek as I closed my eyes and pressed my palm more firmly against her flesh, letting the rhythm of her life beat into my hand and remind me of all the hope I'd left behind so long ago. It lived in the rhythm, in the way she pulsed against the skin of my hand, and in a drumming lullaby, promised me she'd be there.

She then shuffled beneath the sheets, slipping across the space between us until we were pressed firmly together. I kept my hand pressed against her chest as Regina smiled softly at me and lifted up on her elbow before leaning down to hover her lips just above the shell of my ear. I heard her intake of breath, soft and soothing, and then she gently exhaled, blowing tenderly across the flesh of my ear and neck.

The sound of her breathing was a symphony in my heart. It swirled around me and kissed at my flesh. God, it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. "And I'm breathing," she whispered against my neck, pressing her lips to my skin like a brand that I never wanted to fade.

I felt her fingertips slip along the bare flesh of my shoulder before they ghosted just beneath the thin material of the sheet. She slowly pushed the sheet down, revealing my body in timid inches as her fingertips told secrets on my skin. She traced the length of my arm, all the way back to the hand I still had pressed to her heart. She cupped her hand atop my own as she dropped a kiss to my shoulder and with a trembling voice, said, "And I can touch you, Emma."

Her lips slid along my shoulder and up the arch of my neck. "I can feel you," she practically sang, and I could hear the crack in her voice, feel the wetness of her own tears as they dripped onto my collarbone. Tingles erupted on my flesh and collected into a trembling knot at the base of my spine as she pressed her lips to my neck again and again and whispered, "I can kiss you."

She brought her mouth to my jaw then, her cheek brushing against mine and our tears mingling together into a single, silent, precious river. She nuzzled her nose sweetly against my cheek, and I couldn't help the soft whimper that escaped my throat. I had never known Regina to be so tender, so open. I was in complete awe of the way she loved me, the way she loved me with respect and with a grace that words could never define. It was exact and exquisite, knowing and yet curious, tender but full, so full.

She kissed the line of my jaw, only this time she opened her mouth just an inch, and my breath stilled in my throat as I felt the gentle swipe of her tongue swirl for only a second against my flesh. She nuzzled me again then and with such love and passion in her voice, murmured, "I can taste you."

My flesh was positively buzzing beneath her electric touch as I moved then, rolling onto my back so that she could slide atop me, and she did. Friction danced between our bodies as she hovered over me then, her short, chocolate locks cascading beautifully around her face as she straddled my waist and stared down at me as if she was just trying to memorize my silence and my tears, my flushed cheeks and my tangled hair. She looked at me like she'd want me for the rest of my life, and I could only cry in response as I let my fingertips travel down from her heart and glide across the quivering flesh of her stomach.

She smiled softly at me as I touched her, and I swear I could've lived inside that moment forever; inside the sound of her breath hitching as it danced in my eardrums, inside the way her sparkling irises deepened and evolved from milk chocolate to dark chocolate and still were so beautiful. I could've lived inside the static on her skin, the way it clung and sparked at my fingertips and called me back for more.

"Emma…" she breathed shakily as I touched her, my fingers ghosting across her thighs as I mapped her body and submitted it to memory. I wanted to travel her pathways with my flesh, learn her highways like a prayer that I could recite with my eyes closed and my heart racing. I wanted to make playlists on her hips and drive until my eyes gave out, until our bodies demanded rest. She was the journey I never thought I'd make, but she looked like adventure and she felt like home, and all I wanted was to let her be both.

She trembled beneath my touch, her breathing a shallow melody in her chest as she watched the path of my touch with hungry eyes. She surprised me then when she reached for my hand and slid it back up the soft flesh of her thigh until I could feel the heat pulsing from between her legs. I swallowed thickly as she let the tips of my fingers whisper across the soaked material of her dark red panties and she quietly told me, "I can want you."

My stomach trembled, my abs quivering, as I slipped my hands around to her back and pulled my body up so that our chests pressed together with her sitting comfortably in my lap. I traced the length of her spine as she nuzzled her nose against mine and her breath filtered into my lungs. She brought her thumbs to my cheeks then, wiping gently at my tears as I let out a shaky breath and timidly asked, "Can you love me?"

She locked gazes with me then, all chocolates and romance, and when her lips parted to allow her words a window of escape, it was like my life flashed before my eyes. It looked like heartache. It looked like loneliness. And then she brought me back. She brought me back when her breath tickled at my chin and with so much certainty, she whispered, "I can love you, Emma." She then tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and dropped a gentle to kiss to my forehead as she told me, "I _will _love you, Emma. I will love you as long as you let me."

A soft sob escaped me before I could stop it and I leaned into her, pressing my forehead to hers as my fingertips danced across her back and hers tangled in my hair. We shared a silence that felt like conversation, both of us gently rocking together as she swayed in my lap and our grips grew tighter, our hands more desperate. When her nails embedded in my back, I sucked in a sharp breath and pulled her even closer, determined to meld our bodies into one, and that was when I heard her own timid whisper as it sang across her lips and kissed at my own.

"Will _you_ love _me_?" she asked so quietly that the words were hardly more than breath.

I didn't have to think about it, and I wasn't afraid to tell her the truth, because I'd spent my entire life being afraid of that kind of truth, and I just didn't want to be afraid of it anymore. I wanted that truth like I wanted her. I wanted it in my flesh and in my soul and in hers—the truth that she was the person I wanted to stand still with, the person I wanted to be alive with, the person I wanted to be awake and asleep with and everything in-between with. She was the person I wanted to learn with and grow with and eventually roll around in wheelchairs with. She was the person, _my _person, and I had no doubts. I had no reservations. I only had hope, hope and certainty.

I let myself drown in her gaze as I held her tightly and told her, "For the rest of my life, Regina." It was a promise that stole her breath and broke the dam that held back her tears. It was a promise she thought she'd never be given, a promise she perhaps thought she'd never want again, and yet she took it. She took it like it was a breath or a beat that could save her life and she smiled brilliantly even as tears flooded down her cheeks. She pressed her lips to mine over and over as we cried together and I promised her again. "For the rest of my life."

She rocked against me like an ocean wave as our tongues met, soft and timid at first but then quickly growing starved and desperate. She sucked at my bottom lip as her hips swayed back and forth, and I fell into her rhythm, her body's melody like an anthem that I just wanted to put on repeat and sing so fucking loudly that the entire world could dance to our music. It was like one of those songs that you couldn't let go of, the kind that stayed with you long after its final note; the kind that reached in and stroked the parts of you that you always hid or that you never even knew existed and before you realized what was happening, you were sitting in front of your speakers with tears streaming down your cheeks, and all you could think to say was, "This is so fucking beautiful."

"What?" I heard Regina asked softly, her rhythm slowing as she cupped her hands around my cheeks and pulled my gaze to hers.

Wait. Did I say that out loud?

I shook my head and repeated her question, "What?"

She laughed at me then, low and lovely, and explained, "You said, 'This is so fucking beautiful.'" My body nearly erupted at hearing her say the word "fucking", though I kept that particular sensation to myself as she went on to ask, "What did you mean?"

My cheeks went red then. I couldn't see them, but I could feel the heat just beneath my eyes. I bit my bottom lip as I ran my hands along her now sweat-slicked back and honestly told her, "Your rhythm." Her brows furrowed even as she involuntarily thrust forward at the way my fingers dug into her hips, and I smiled at her then. "The way you move against me…I just think that it's beautiful."

Her sigh came out in a stutter as she shook her head softly, her eyes so full of awe that I nearly lost my breath. Regina had gone so long without love that it was like she'd forgotten what it felt like, what it looked like, what it meant…and it coated her flesh beautifully in that moment even as she stared at me like I was some kind of revelation. I wasn't, but maybe…maybe _we _were.

She crashed her lips into mine and I took her weight so easily, her force so willingly. We devoured one another, lips and tongues and teeth claiming refuge and carving promises in salty flesh and trembling moans. My fingers slipped the straps of her bra down her shoulders, and I couldn't even remember undoing the clasp, but when I pulled the material from her chest and let it fall to the floor, I knew I'd never forget what lay beneath. Her skin was like a canvas painted to perfection, and so soft beneath my kneading touch as I brought shaking hands to her breasts, swiping thumbs and fingertips and my quivering lips across the puckered flesh of hardened peaks and reveling in the way her breath hitched in response and then floated away from her, easy and reverent.

Regina wasted no time in mimicking my actions. I felt her pop open the clasp on my own bra, and I pulled back from her just long enough to let her pull it from my body. She gasped as she looked down at me, her hands going to my shoulders as she pushed me back until I was lying beneath her once more. She stared at my body, her eyes filling with tears that didn't hesitate to track her cheeks, and I felt my heart rise and harden in my throat as I watched her sorrow. I followed her gaze, lifting my head and pressing my chin to my chest so that I could see the source of her sadness, and that was when I noticed the way my hipbones jutted outward from beneath the top of my panties. My ribs were easily visible beneath my skin and she traced each one with her fingers, her tears slipping from her chin and melting into my stomach.

"Oh Emma," she sighed. "Look what you've done to yourself."

I swallowed thickly, forcing my heart back into my chest. I had hardly taken more than a moment to look at my body during the months of my manic obsession with saving her, but I knew I looked bad. I knew I'd fallen pretty far, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to do much beyond the actual obsessing. It wasn't something I was proud of, letting myself get like that. "I'm sorry," I told her, the words tangling on my tongue so that they came out thick and heavy, "but I'll get better." I couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious in that moment even though I tried to tell myself that Regina was just worried about me. I pulled the sheet in front of her, in front of her thighs, and laid it across my chest and stomach to hide myself.

Her eyes snapped up to mine then, her brows furrowing in confusion, until I nervously said, "If you don't want…if you can't…I mean, I'll understand, Regina. I know it's not attractive."

She let out a heavy sigh that somehow ended up evolving into low, sweet laughter, which really only confused me and made me even more self-conscious; but then, Regina pulled the sheet back once more and exposed me again. "You're joking, right?" she asked as she ran her palms along my sides before cupping them around my breasts. Her eyelashes fluttered beautifully as she touched me, as she drank me in with only her gaze and her fingertips. "I want you to get better, Emma, and you will, but you have to know that I have _never _been more attracted to anyone than I am to you. You are always beautiful to me."

She leaned down then and I had to suck in a heavy breath as heat shot to the apex of my thighs when she wrapped her lips around one of my nipples and sucked gently at the puckered flesh. She then pressed tender kisses to each of my visible ribs, her breath ghosting across my sides and causing my body to lurch forward, unbidden, and shudder deliciously against her. She dipped the tip of her nose and then the tip of her tongue into the hollow of my belly-button before dragging it back up to the valley between my breasts. She rested her chin there as she laid her body out along the length of mine and looked up into my eyes as I tilted my head to see her.

I tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear as we just stared into one another. "I want you," I told her, and her smile in that moment was like a sun burning across my shadowed spaces as it erupted on her lips. She crawled up the remaining distance between our lips and pressed them together. I traced her sides to her hips and tucked my fingers just beneath the thin material of her underwear. She didn't protest, simply lifting her hips as I pushed the material away from her body, as far down the length of her legs as I could reach before she kicked them off and let them drop off the end of the bed.

My heart was like a goddamn jackhammer in my chest as she pushed off of me, rising into a kneeling position between my thighs. I mapped her body with my eyes, my gaze sticking at the thin, dark patch of hair just visible at the junction of her thighs. The sight alone caused my skin to prickle, tingles ripping down my spine before crawling around my legs and pooling in my already soaking and throbbing core.

She took a deep breath as she slipped my panties down my legs and tossed them to the floor before letting her hands drop to my heated flesh. Her fingers spilled through the dark blonde curls just above my want for her, and I swear I could have erupted from that touch alone. Just having her near, having her close, pushed me so close to the edge that I had to force myself not to dive too soon, not to just leap into her promise and let it fucking explode inside me.

I latched onto her arms then and pulled her toward me. She crawled up my body so that she was straddling me again and I was helpless to hold back the body-rocking moan that ripped out of my throat when she settled on top of me and the evidence of her arousal seeped into the flesh of my abdomen. My hands shot to her hips of their own accord and dug into the soft and pliant flesh there. I jerked her forward and back so that her sex glided smoothly across my stomach, her soft moans and whimpers only added to the fiery sensation of the way her juices spread across my skin.

Her hands slammed into my chest as she leaned her weight onto her arms and her head shot back, rolling on her neck as her eyes fluttered madly and her hips took on that same gorgeous rhythm. "Emma," she breathed out, my name a plea in the thickened air that settled around and between us.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position so that she was settled in my lap just as before. I liked her this way. I liked that I could wrap around her from almost every angle, our flesh slick and ripe with static as it sparked together just below our lips as they collided again with feverish want. Her nipples grazed against mine as we rocked against one another, our shallow breaths against our lips, and I swear we shuddered so hard that it shook the air around us.

I felt her hands on my abs, still slick with her arousal, but then her fingers trailed southward, slipping through my curls once more, and then she touched me. She touched me like you touch the water when you're testing the temperature—just a gentle dip, and then she slipped upward again. My nails dug, unbidden, into the flesh of her back as I desperately tried to anchor myself to the earth, because I swear I was soaring. I swear I could have floated away on the whisper of her flesh against mine as she dipped down again and again, collecting the moisture of my own arousal, and I just wanted to ripple and shudder and splinter apart in the best way.

Finally, her fingers trailed even lower, her arm rubbing my chest as it moved between us, and then I felt her trace gently around my opening, a moan escaping both of us. Her own breath slammed from her lungs. I felt it ripple across my lips as she whispered, "You feel…"

"So good," I moaned as my hips lurched forward and urged her onward.

She pressed her sweat-slicked forehead against mine and we panted into the air between our trembling lips as she quietly said, "Together."

I nodded against her forehead and slipped a hand between our bodies as they writhed together, flesh biting and kissing at flesh, and let my fingers glide through her arousal. "Oh god, Regina," I moaned breathlessly as I traced the soaking line of her sex from the tightened bundle of nerves to the throbbing opening calling for my attention. "You…I…" I couldn't find the words to tell her what this meant to me, what it was doing to me, what it felt like…I didn't think the words existed; at least, not in that moment, in that moment when I was so drunk on her that I could hardly keep my eyes open.

"I know," she said raggedly against my lips as we slowly, gently pushed at one another. I nearly shattered around her fingers as I felt her inner walls tighten and pull at me. We slipped into one another, stroking and exploring and riding out that perfect rhythm that grew in its beauty and grew in its heat.

Our lips hovered a breath apart as we panted and whimpered and moaned our desire. She kept one hand tangled in my hair, clutching at the back of my head, as her other hand cupped deliciously around my core. The heel of her hand pressed perfectly into that tight bundle of nerves that ignited my body with curling, tingling shocks as two of her fingers rocked inside me, in and out, back and forth. It was like she'd known my body for years, like she'd carved the tunnel with her own fingers and her own love, and every inch of me responded to her molten touch, driving me ever closer to that blissful oblivion I knew waited just ahead.

I stroked at her with reverence, because her body was a wonder to me. Beautiful and soft, strong and rhythmic, solid and melted at the same time. I dove into her with a yearning I'd never known myself to have, but in that moment, it lived in my shallow breaths and in the droplets of sweat that clung to my chest and mingled with hers; it lived in my fingertips as they drove into her with the most careful abandon I could manage, spreading and stroking at her inner walls, and curling back on the down-stroke so that I could whisper across that ribbed and fleshy patch that caused her to cry out against my lips and thrust so forcefully into my hand that we nearly toppled over into our sweat-drenched sheets.

Regina tumbled over the edge first, her orgasm washing over her in waves. She stilled her movement against my hand as her breath slammed from her lungs and her eyes clenched tightly shut. She whimpered softly as the sexiest hums of pleasure rumbled in her throat before she gently rocked into me once more, and not seconds later, the heel of her hand pressed hard against me just as her fingers dove in again and she took me over the edge with her.

I clutched onto her as my body vibrated against hers, my inner walls clinging tightly to her fingers as she pressed her lips to mine over and over and I moaned into her mouth. And when the final tremors of my orgasm puttered into nonexistence, we collapsed against each other, still inside of one another as we closed our eyes and rested our heads on each other's shoulders. It felt like the most beautiful symmetry, the way we bowed against one another and stayed buried so deep inside each other that I could feel her heartbeat against my fingertips and against my chest. It was in that moment that I knew I'd never be satisfied with just the melody of my own flesh again. I'd always crave more, my rhythm and hers combined.

We sat together in a tender heap for what felt like hours until the sun had finally risen and my fingers throbbed and ached as I extracted them from her heat and she did the same. She pulled back just enough so that she could look me in the eyes and there was so much love in her gaze that it made my heart like a feather in my chest, whispering softly against my ribcage and promising me a joy I'd never dared to hope for before. Regina brought a hand up to cup around my cheek as a slow, stunning smile slipped across her lips and she quietly asked, "Again?"

Laughter spilled into the air around us as I fell backwards and took her with me. We were a tangle of limbs and sheets as we laughed together and poked and tickled and rolled around like carefree children high on happiness. When she finally begged me for mercy from my relentless fingertips pressed into her ribs and under her arms, I settled softly on top of her and rested in the echoing sounds of our quieting laughter. She ran her fingers through my hair then and asked, "So, is that a yes or a no?"

I smiled then, her laughter spilling around me once more and reminding my heart why music was sometimes so much better than silence, and pressed my lips to hers, hard and confident. "Always," I told her as I kissed her again, and we dove into each other's skin like salvation lived in our salt and in our sweat.


End file.
